I have a relative that has two siblings that were put up for adoption before he was born. One of these sibling is in the family but the relative has no idea that he is his brother. I came by this information when I was a teenager by overhearing a conversation. His mother will never tell him about his brother because of her emberassment at the fact she was pregnant before she was married, I believe he has a right to know he has a brother. he also has a sister but I do not know her idenity. Do I tell of not? I feel he should know but I am conflicted, any advice!
2007-11-07 05:46:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have 7 adopted children. I can say that although they are adopted, biological still means a lot. I feel so bad that you are in the position you are in, and a huge part of me feels you should seek the advice of a professional, or Dr. Laura. lol. I'm really wishing I could give you better advice but this is a horrible situation. I feel however, that you should talk to the main people involved and explain to them that you are torn about this and that you feel very strongly they should tell this information and if they don't you will feel moved to do so. But give them the opportunity to clean up this mess first.
2007-11-07 08:09:08 · answer #1 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one for sure!Yes your right he should have the knowledge and should be given the opportunity to deal with it as he chooses. I too am adopted. However I was not told until I was 17 yrs old. Then at 18 my Mother & Dad(That adopted me) passed away. It left me with no answers to the thousand and one questions I have. That was over 27years ago that they passed. Today I still have the same questions and have even more that arise. The adoptions being totally different as to the who's, where's and how's I don't think make our deals that different. So, having said that, I don't think anyone except Their parents (adopted) should break the news to either of the. As a matter of fact it should be done as a group, everyone involved should "Cowboy Up" and have a big sit down so that it can be told with all effected can hear it from the horses mouth. Now since their birth mother has shame, you may have to persuade her using whatever method necessary to make her understand what a tragic impact this news could cause later in life. Not just to the children but the adults as well. I know for my Momma & Daddy it was somewhat a releif to let it out finally, it was such a burden to continually keep everyone around quiet for 17 years. Tell the parents that like with me, what if they are killed in a accident today? Their kids find out by someone that has no concern for their well being? How would they feel knowing that their children spend the entire rest of their lives in search of answers that they will never get? For myself it has been shear hell. I feel like a lost sould, not sure where I belong, where I came from, who I am, who I came from, all the Why's and this is still today after 28 years, I'm now 47yrs. old. It will never end. They should let it out today for the children sake, and if they are adults now they really need to let them know before it turns to hate and regret for everyone. You are right, They deserve to know. Just make sure everyone (parents adopted and biological & siblings) are advised encouraged to be there for the disclosure before you actually present it to them. That way you see who is sincerely concerned for their best interest,and will be there to support them.. The news at any age is a extremely HARD BLOW! So many different emotions are going to flood their hearts & minds. And not just at the moment of truth but for years to come. Support from all caring family members, tenderness, and understanding are going to be very crutial to their destiny. Be careful and let the right person break the news, do what you must to see that that happens. Then just be there for them because life as they have known it, will be no more. God Bless you and yours. My thoughts will be with your family's in this trying time. This is just my personal feelings and personal experience of advise. I hope that I have helped in some small way. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-11-07 06:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by rib91960 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is over 18. He should know. I did not find out until age 35 that I had 3 sisters and a brother. By then one of my sisters had died. I am very close to the others now. I deeply regret not finding them sooner. He will to. Who cares if mama is embarrassed. That is superficial. The pain he may feel after one of them dies and he then finds out the truth will be far deeper then her embarrassment.
2007-11-07 06:48:58 · answer #3 · answered by docC 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do think he has a right to know but I also believe its not a good idea for you to directly reveal this information because it could have repercussions on you.
You could mail him an anonymous letter telling him. Dont say how you know just tell him that is his brother and that a DNA test would prove it.
Dont sign your name.
2007-11-07 06:39:04 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, do not tell. At this point, with the mother still living, it is best not to.
2007-11-07 13:16:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are asked by the family to be the one to tell him, don't say anything.
2007-11-07 06:11:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave it alone. I understand that you feel obligated to tell the truth but the moms has her reasons and it was her decision...not yours. Let them work it out.
2007-11-07 05:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by dwplanetsix 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mind your freakin' business.
2007-11-07 07:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay out of it, and deal with your own life.
2007-11-07 06:25:52 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is an adult yes, you can say,
but if you can find out who his sister is,
Meg
2007-11-07 06:03:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋