when i get these feelings, what should i do?

Question

im a 30 year old borderline personality disorder sufferer...i live alone...im very lonely...have low self esteem...because of my problems...ive never made any friends ever.....never been in a relationship, ever.....ive never been employed.

ive had the internet since 2005 which had connected me really to people and the outside word. unfortunatly, because of the way iam, most people have come and left.....than come and remained friends.....im clingy...needy...get reliant...want intimacy early, coupled with the very low self esteem....always frightens people away from me.
along with other symptoms...i have irrational thoughts ive had for along time....ive recently been rejected by internet friends that id known for months...from the states.

& im thinking its because '' people are having negative information fed to them about me & are being influenced to stay away, not help, befriend or get involved ''

having this thought is making me angry & depressed..but i can find no other

reason for why people who i start to like..leave
and reject me....when intitially they looked like
being promising friends.

then they stop getting in contact and just disappear..

i find this odd and strange..
my lifes being controlled...there being told to stay
away.
like, others are choosing who i can talk, correspond with.

that the people who i want or choose, but who they pick.

i feel really angry to think this could be happening, and
want to find those responsible.
i was bullied alot through my earlier life, i have BPD..
but have had thoughts like this for a while...like paranoia.

im not sure though if its really happening or isnt...but
im not convinced that it is

Answer 1

Hey Air Supply,

No worries, you experience what all of us experience in the internet age. I have great friends from college, high school, the Army, prison, etc. However, we are all so busy in life it is hard to keep in touch. I tend to make friends where I am at, and am so busy I lose touch with others, even forgetting to call for birthdays and holidays. Don't take it personally, most people can't even stay in touch with family.

As far as the clingy, no one likes clingy, because clingy becomes controlling. Controlling becomes obsessive, and that is plain out scary. There are those who have psychological needs satisfied by other clingy people, but this isn't healthy and will not win you friends. Friends rely on each other, but also are able to support each other equally.

Here is something that may help. It can shed light on how to stop feeling bad about yourself by focusing on the sorrows or problems of others. Once you start solving other peoples problems, you tend to forget your own (hence why I am on here tonight!!)

Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy!

Good luck AS!

Jay

Answer 2

Dear Ghost, you need to give yourself a rest from the labels, because I think that like all heavy baggage, its weighing you down and stopping you from being (INSERT YOUR REAL NAME HERE WHEN YOU READ THIS) the person.

You need to calm down and relax, hold back a little and you'll find people are less intimidated earlier because your life is a lot to deal with and while you've been strong enough to come through the other side, other people might not be so sure that they can help you carry your burden.

I'll say this AGAIN! Internet friendship is no substitute for the real thing, so maybe that is where you should be investing your energies.

I don't really think anyone is trying to prevent you from doing anything and you are being paranoid, which is part of your condition, but an issue you really need to work through because it is really affecting your life in a negative way right now. Bless you...

Answer 3

Dude what do I say, man, lets see: To start off with you are not alone. (still not much help) Don't try to hard to make friends, just be a friend. Through thick and thin. Good times and bad, listen and don't judge others reactions to you. My big eye opening moment is when I was 40, I learned that what I was thinking others were thinking was, SO far from the truth is what was keeping me from any relationship. I now look at people and relationships as, "I bet they could be in the same boat as I am". People can reject me for all kinds of reasons, Mostly there own, not because of what I do or say. It can be a long process to have a friend or lover, its shaky at best. Be okay with YOU, don't think for others. And be a friend. You are okay. See ya.

Answer 4

Just thinking about your experiences while paranoid, is like dreaming.... It's not literally a dream, but is unreal.

Thoughts aren't that accurate for anyone, concerning their reality.

In a sense, almost everyone is dreaming their own world.... which is somehow related to what's real.

Because you live an uninteresting life, your "dreams" are less boring, and more departed from everyday, ho-hum reality.

There's nothing inherently wrong with dreaming. If you're going to dream, learn to dream well. If your dreams are making you suffer, start thinking better.... unless you want to suffer.... which is OK too.

Of course, the other option is to stop dreaming. But for you I'd say.... get on medication, as a first step. That will help.

Afterwards you can learn not to think so much. Perhaps read Eckhart Tolle's books.... that is a good start.

Answer 5

Good day to you. You seem unsure of why you tend to drive friendships away, yet you started out your question with a laundry list of reasons one would not be your friend. I suggest you take some time to contemplate all that you posted regarding a worthlessness you feel. i.e. personality disorder, verly lonely, low selfesteem, lack of employment history . . . Those things have a tendancy to drain relationships rapidly.

Take a moment and think about those on the other side of your computer screen. How are YOU feeding those relationships? Are any of their needs being met through your friendship? What is it you are offering these people? If your list is short, my suggestion to you is to learn how to feed the needs of others. Then, in turn, you will be blessed by love and friendship. God bless.

Answer 6

You sound like your BPD has been untreated. DBT (Dialect Behavioral Therapy) is a mode of therapy developed by Dr. Linehan to treat BPD. She is a foremost authority on BPD and it's treatment. It is very successful.

You can't do this alone. And the fact that you are essentially isolated does nothing to alleviate your distress. You need professional help.

The sooner you get into some kind of structured therapy the sooner you will learn how to manage your illness. I wouldn't wait . . . you sound pretty miserable and that is a shame when there is help for you to improve your quality of life.

Answer 7

ok, are you on medication for your problem... thats really question #1 cuz if you were, wouldnt that make the issues you have less occuring?? Anyway, are you sure you are not putting the carriage before the horse when saying people are losing contact with you because of your problem.... ? maybe you see it that way cuz YOU are self conscience about it and think that others have a problem with it too. When in reality, they lose contact because of their lives... you say your friendships are all internet connected so maybe people dont have as much time to spend on the net as you do.

Answer 8

Hi hon... there are many websites, forums and some chats for people who have borderline personality disorder. If you do a Yahoo search, you will find lots of good information and will be able to connect with people who have the same issues and problems with BPD.

You might also look into EMDR therapy -- do a Yahoo search on it, to get more information.

Take good care! hugs

Answer 9

like i said i will be a true friend to u. don't get mad and depress over this. becaue in reality people tend to use other and not be a real to them , because of certain thing. people in this world are mean ., but there other like me who will not judge u because of this disablity and only befriend u.