Should I be over my mother's abusive drinking?

Question

I am 27. I moved out a year ago but had to move out because i couldnt afford it anymore due to the reason that i broke my ankle and leg PLUS i am changing my seizure meds (so i am on unpaid medical leave). i am stuck at home. both my parents have been alcoholics my whole life where my mother was emotionally and physically abusive. she almost died last year resulting in her finally getting sober. my has been cheating on her and still is because she has burned bridges with many people over the years including him. (i'm not making excuses for him though). stuck at the house and physically not being able to drive has made me stir crazy while they fight and my memories of my childhood (which i thought i got over when i moved out) have been haunting me while they want to kill each other... i am seeing therapist b/c my neurologist suggested it. should i be over it or should i just try not to cry and stay in my room all day. be honest please. any therapists or professionals or COA's?

i am currently on 500 mg or lamictal and 200 mg of my keppra. for seizures though. the lamistal is also a mood stabilizer... not working. i am at the end of my rope. already had a nervous breakdown. dont know what to do. i would call my therapist but i dont want to bother her. my brother (26 yrs. old) is not living at home so its easy for him plus he smokes pot all day which masks his emotions so he says he is fine. of course he thinks that b/che isnt home and is just relieved that my mom is sober. i dont use substances to mask my emotions...there is so much more to say but i will stop here.

Answer 1

well clearly you've got some complicated issues... far greater than you can expect Yahoo Answers to address... your shrink is payed very well... and should be available to you.. it's not a "bother"... you need this person...seriously... you need to work through these things... it's not as easy as just "getting over it"... one person who comes to mind who has had a really traumatic childhood was the writer of the book and movie "running with scissors"... ( a great movie by the way )... he chose to write about his life as therapy... and now he's a very wealthy man because of it... In my worst times I found writing saved me... I also write songs... but if you can pour yourself into something creative it will help to heal your soul too... it touches a place deeper than your conscious mind... good luck friend... I'm sorry you have to go through all this... it'll be ok... just make sure your meds are being managed carefully and that your goal is to be happy... only you can fix this... and I know you're capable... :P

Answer 2

If you are seeing a therapist, you will be able to work through the pain of all these emotions and memories that have been brought to the forefront by having to live with your parents again. Being on unpaid medical leave is stressful and leaves you stranded in this home where you are so unhappy, since you can't use your car. You could ask your therapist for more sessions, if that's possible, to work through some of the past issues as fast as possible.
There is no "should" in this situation, there is only what is. You still have a lot of sadness and anger and it's much harder to cope when the situation you are living in is STILL extremely difficult. Look forward to the future when you can drive and work and get out of that house and don't lose heart. In the meantime, ask your therapist if he/she takes phone calls which might help you through the worst times.

Answer 3

Hon, we don't "get over" an abusive life, but instead, work to develop coping skills and come to some realizations about our dysfunctional pasts. So moving out, doesn't "cure" a problem which has been festering for over 20 years.

I was raised in an alcoholic home, also, and i am a recovering alcoholic (cycles, we have to have them! ugh).

In any case, you might want to realize that your mother is ILL, has issues and it was NOT your fault.. you can't change her or the past, but you can try to realize and accept these things for what they were -- and do your best to move forward, beyond these old issues... you won't forget, no.

Our pasts can lead to emotional problems as adults.. You may have felt abandoned by your mom because of her drinking, and as if it was more important than her love for you (because it was, at the time).

TALK WITH your therapist about your fears... make a list of things which are haunting you right now. Hon, facing our fears and issues can be painful, and emotionally draining, and i'm speaking from years of experience and therapy. However, the results of getting things OUT into the open, and facing them, and dealing with them once and for all, will be a big relief, and help to you.

Crying is good for the soul, and a good form of release. So cry if you have to... it may cleanse you in some ways.

You might consider some Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings once you are able to go... you can check them out by doing a Yahoo search... Adult Children and Alanon are excellent support groups, and you will be surprise to learn how many other people in this world have lived the same sort of life, and have the same bad feelings as you have been experiencing.

Answer 4

That is a very, very hard row to hoe. Clearly, you have learned that you are not your mother and you are not your father, meaning that you chose to be a different type of person. Coming from a similar situation, I praise you for that. Living in a war zone is totally something I wish you did not need to do. If there is ANY way that you can separate yourself (physically) from your mother, DO it! Your mind/brain, nervous system, everything about you will be so different when you can have your own private space. Don't the words even sound good? Private Space! Quiet. Yours. Do whatever it takes to get it.

Answer 5

good for you for NOT self-medicating! Things are bad enough with addictive parents then siblings. The hardest thing you'll ever have to do is of sorts 'divorce' yourself from her in order for you to survive. You cannot be responsible for their relationships with other people - you have to worry about you. Have you tried Topamax for your seizures? I use it for my migraines. You start at 25mg, then work up to where it's 'right' for you, but you have to have a full physical (blood etc). I can only tolerate 75mg to help me, but it took away the migraines and the right hand neuropathy. Again, I'd like to see you doing some volunteer work, library kitchen anywhere that you can meet some new people to help you create new friends AND new memories!

Answer 6

Here's what I've done that's incredibly helpful in dealing with stuff just like this. My bf is a recovering alcoholic - believe me, it's been tough - I know you can understand exactly what I was going through, and even more.
Sometimes, I too, start thinking about all of those bad times - then I start to wonder if he's "really" changed and if things are going to go back to the way they were, etc.
I used to try to stop those feelings, partially because they're unpleasant and partially because they just kept coming back over and over again.
Finally, I just started thinking the thoughts through in logical order. A thought popped up in my head - let's say I rememberd a time when I had to walk 6 miles to get home because he was passed out and didn't hear me calling him. I remembered the blisters on my feet that stayed for weeks because I'd been in heels that night. Sure, I was angry, oh boy was I angry! But then I stop to think about the complete struggle it was for him to stop drinking. I start to think about the changes I saw him go through. I started to think about the way he behaved before, versus the way he behaves now. I realize that he's not the same person he used to be. I also allow myself to imagine him unable to sleep at night because he's got to live with these things for the rest of his life. I look in his eyes and see sorrow like you wouldn't believe. And I realize I can't do anything to change what happened, I can only do something about the present. I remind myself to tell him how great it is that he's changed. That I notice he's not the same person he was before.
I've found that if I just let my thoughts happen, they resolve themselves - and creep up less and less.
I know it's hard to think about all of that, but knowing that I have to think about it less and less is enough of a motivator for me. Maybe it'll work for you too. Then you can get to know the person your mom has become without alcohol.

Answer 7

I'm 21 and both of my parents are also alcoholics. I'm sure you know that being a child of an alcoholic sucks, plain and simple. You need to work through your issues, or you will never be truly happy.

If you would like to talk more, I'm always available by e-mail. Good luck sweetie!

Answer 8

surely, which will consequence you for the time of your existence except you're taking steps to scientific care it. You and your brother and sister choose counseling and the quicker the greater effective. there are quite a few subject concerns like self-worth and anger which you need to paintings out and maximum individuals can no longer do it with out expert help. i understand, i attempted to handle this subject via my self and a pair of divorces later found out that i mandatory help. Now existence is so lots greater effective.

Answer 9

There's a great book called Adult Children of Alcoholics that you may want to consider reading. Also, you should attend AA meetings or Al anon. Longterm childhood abuse is not easy to get over. You need to get out of living in this situation. good luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like issues you should talk about and work through with your therapist. At a certain point, however, you have to let go of the past. It's hard since it is what shapes us. You are an adult now and can and should follow your own path.