should i think twice?

Question

I am 22 yrs old and I have a 3 yr old daughter. I live with my boyfriend at his mothers house (he is the father of my child). I have been looking for an apartment or house for us to move in for a few months now and I finally found one. It's right down the street from his moms house and all his friends are still around, but now he's saying he doesn't want to move because he currently doesn't have a job. I told him we might have to struggle at first, but we need to live on our own... I mean, we have a family now. He said he doesn't want to have to struggle and he doesn't want to live on a budget, but I feel we need to be more responsible. It's not that I want to struggle... no way! who wants to do that? I just think it's the right thing to do. we need to start from somewhere and learn on our own. no one is going to be there to guide us all our life. am I right? he insist that I'm trying to move too fast and I'm not thinking. I have a job and I do make enough to pay everything on my own

at least for us to start off. hew keeps telling me you move... i am thinking of doing that... should i listen to him about moving too fast or should i think twice?

Answer 1

I think you already know what you need to do and what is best for you and your daughter. If you do move out I hope you don't let him move in with you and sponge off you like he's doing with his mother. If he does want to move in with you, you'll first want to sit down with him and discuss completely what is expected of him. You sound a lot more mature than he is and if he doesn't start growing up soon he's not going to make a good partner for anyone.

Do what is best for you and your daughter. Sometimes we have to go ahead and take steps and leave someone behind. Hopefully he'll face up to the challenge and join you in establishing a home for your family.

Good luck.

Answer 2

♥ I understand where both you and he are coming from.... my fiance & I live with her parents. We're lucky to be living rent free and I only pay my bills [[which still takes up over half of my monthly pay]].... we spend alot on gas [[because we only have one car]] and we save some. Its difficult and I keep telling her I can't wait until we move out ! Neither of us wants to struggle [[she's jobless as well]]. If I was able to pay everything and move us out then I would, so that we could get a start on our life together [[in a mature & independent manner]]! You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him how much this means to you and see why he doesnt wanna move. Tell him struggles are a part of life and no matter what happens there will always be a struggle or obstacle. Hopefully he will see things your way. Good Luck!

Answer 3

It sounds as though he is fearful of cutting the apron string from mom's free ride that he is getting. With the fact that he's telling you to move sounds as though he might not be ready to take that next step. If you can afford everything including the childcare or pre-school for your daughter then it might be to your benefit to show him you are independent and that you don't have to have a man in your life, bu that you would like to have him as a part of your life yet only if he's willing to want the two of you as well. If you were to move out it might cause him to wake up too and realize that you want your privacy and independence and not live off his mother.
Good luck on what ever you do decide.

Answer 4

When you move you usually are required to pay first month's rent and the deposit on top of that. I know you want something to call your own and that is good, but so many other factors such as utility bills sometimes require a deposit and depending on what your apartment building pays sometimes water,sometimes not. You may have to pay all like electric, gas, and water. I would wait and have your deposit and first months rent but save up for the next month's rent just in case something happens you'll have this backup money and in case your boyfriend does not find a job and you have had enough and know in your mind that you want to on your own. It is always good to have just in case money.

Answer 5

You are right. You need to be out on your own. It is not his mothers responsibility to take care of the three of you. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and get a job and take care of his obligations. Time to be a man not a boy. If you have to do it on your own go into it with the realization that you will probably have to support him as long as your with him if he has the attitude he does now.

Answer 6

He's immature and refusing to take responsibility for his family and himself, is the problem..... he's tied to the apron strings, and you can't change him -- he is going to have to STAND UP and face his responsibilities sooner or later.

If you want to move, then do it. I'd never want to live with a boyfriend's family -- and never would... ugh.. the thought!

You seem like a sensible, and independent woman. Move! If he wants to move with you, then he can... but if i were in your shoes, i'd make sure he understood he has to get off the couch, get a job and pitch in with finances, etc.

Hon, don't support some guy -- if you love him or not... You'd be enabling him to use you and you would be doing a great disservice to YOURSELF>

take care of you.. that's my best answer

Answer 7

Sounds like your man is enjoying all the benefits of living at home just a little too much. I would try talking to the mother and expressing what you have just done so to us. She might be able to lend some good advice on the situation and/or have a suggestion. If she is part of the problem (wants her son to stay) then you unfortunately have to wait till he decides to grow up. You both have a child at a young age and that is tough ... I wouldn't be to quick in making this decision but I agree that it is one you will have to look at in the near future.

Blessings and best of luck!

Answer 8

You should go ahead and move on your own. File for child support. Tell him when he wants to man up and get a job and move out of mommy's basement, he'll know where to find you. You sound like a really together person who wants to move forward. You do that. If he wants to catch up to your level of maturity great but don't let him drag you down to his.

Answer 9

at your age with a family, you should be on your own. if you can pay for the place for a while, that should give him enough time to find a job. it is the right thing to do.

Answer 10

From experience I can tell you that once you start compromising on the semi major issues, you're eventually talked into compromising on almost everything else. How strong do you feel about standing on your own. ?