Hello Everyone, I am a single mother with a 5 year old dauther I go to school full time, work full time, and send my daughter to private school. I am from MA and my boyfriend is from NY. He like to go visit his family atleast twice a year. I do not want to come in between that at all.
We were talking about how I feel if he would like to be a family for the holidays as he has stated this then throughout the year he should save for tickets, car rental and extra funds not just for himself but for us as a family (mind you we have been together for 3yrs) He got upset about my comment. I am not unwilling to contribute funds but if he truely wanted us to go up as a family wouldnt he save for the three of us not just himself? Again, I want to contribute but feel he should contribute more as he makes twice as much as I do and I have other expenses them him? What are your thoughts and how can I communicate where he will listen better?
2007-11-07 03:25:36 · 32 answers · asked by brandlee01 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should get the tickets for yourself and your daughter but he should pay for everything else. You have to contribute something. MA to NY isn't that far....why don't you guys drive or take the train?
2007-11-07 03:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by Kate the Great 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally if I were living with someone in a relationship rather there be a child or not, if we were going to go on a trip. Yes it should be expected that I would pay for that trip especially if I were taking you home to visit my family.
In your case I maybe he feels stressed in the fact that he would be paying for 2 more people rather then only himself or possibly have some resentments about that. As you mentioned you are offering to help, maybe suggest if you can afford it to cover your daughter's ticket and a part of yours while he pays the rest along with his, the car, and anything else as he first makes more but not only that wants to be and act like a family then take the responsibility as such. Especially if he were agreeing, he can't be a couple and a family but want to live the single life as well when he wants. It's a give and take in a relationship and this comes from a man's point of view if sharing with him.
2007-11-07 03:58:33 · answer #2 · answered by Ghostwriter1959 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should pay 20%-30% as you are a responsible part of this family and as such his family is yours and vice a versa. You have two people to transport feed and board. He has one. His family will not doubt help feed and possibly some of the boarding for you and your child.
If you were married the costs ideally would come out of a common pot that included all of your household's income and expenses. Naturally if he contributed more to this pot he will be paying more of the costs of this trip. 20-30% is probably lower than what it would be if you had a common pot as described above. Are you three really a family yet or are you a potential family still considering becoming a real one?
2007-11-07 03:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be a family, you should both contribute, not just him. I would be upset if I were him as well, because the way you are phrasing it, it sounds like you just want him to support you.
However, since you do not make the same amount of money, you should decide what percentage is more fair. If he makes twice as much as you, then you should contribute about 30% and he should contribute about 70%.
2007-11-07 03:30:13 · answer #4 · answered by sahel578 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you guys living together? My man and I have always put our money together and paid the bills. No matter who was making more. After the bills were paid what was left we split. We did this even prior to getting married. We have been married for 6 years and don't have the argument that alot of couples have. This made us equalls in the family. Just because he makes more right now doesn't mean he will after you get out of school. I hope this helps.
2007-11-07 03:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by timarasmith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where he would be upset, and I can also see your point. However, if you really love him, you should sacrifice and be willing to pay to go see his family as well. What if the shoe was on the other foot? However, you are probably short on money, and so you are concerned about the trip expenses. I would make him understand that if you had the money, you would be more than willing to pay for half of the trip to go see his parents, but since you are tight on cash right now, you would really, really appreciate it if he could help you with traveling expenses. Hopefully he thinks of himself as the provider and will be willing to see your side of things.
Good luck!
2007-11-07 03:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by shrades77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live together & he helps pay the bills around the home then you should help him save the money to go as a family. If you have your own place & he does not help you with your bills (rent, utilities, food, car payments....)then he should pay for all tickets.
2007-11-07 03:32:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants you to join him, he should be willing to put forth some money for you... Full time student, Full time job, and full time single parent is quite a workload and he should help you out in any way he can!
Plus, it is, after all, HIS family.
As far as communicating this to him, I'm not sure what to tell you since I don't know him and his communication style
2007-11-07 03:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by turkeyjerky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should he pay for you and your child to come along? I don't think he should pay for that at all. Maybe he should help with the funds if you need it, but since you are not engaged or married, I would not expect him to pay your way. That's a ton of money!
2007-11-07 03:29:55 · answer #9 · answered by Eraserhead 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could drive there....both of you with the daughter.
Oh, now I get it...it is not his daughter? If he is chintzing out for that reason, then it is questionable how he is going to be in your daughter's life if he doesn't want to raise her as a father would (even if he is not her biological father, he is the father figure...and eventually this would be hurtful to your daughter to feel like he doesn't want to "claim" her as his raised "daughter" ). Think through your relationship with him if he just wants you, but not really your daughter to love.
2007-11-07 03:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋