what do I do?

Question

Okay I’m 16 years old and a sophomore in high school in IL. I have been dating this boy (the same age and grade as me) for about 8 months now. When we first stated dating everything was perfect but then he started to become mean. He would start to call me out of my names he would say things to hurt my feelings and threaten to date someone else like my friend or someone. About a month before we started school he called me and I told him that he couldn’t come over because I wanted to be alone so he got really mad a came over anyway. When he got to my house ( he lives around the corner from me) he asked for his promise ring back so I gave it to him then he asked for sex and when I said no and asked him to leave he started calling me a hoe a slut and a stupid b**** he said all I was good for was sex and nothing else. Then he ripped up my mom’s pictures of me and him and I asked him to leave and he pushed me and hit me then I called the police. I took him back about a week after that and he was all nice and buying me things and stuff. Then the name calling an disrespect stared all over again. He would leave voice mails on my cell phone saying really bad things about me and he would call my home all day and night and he would hit me when ever I did something he didn’t like, he would get mad if I hung out with friends he even turned 3 of my best friends against me. So last week on Halloween I fought back. We were in cooking class and he called me a ***** and ugly and kept hitting me so I picked up a rolling pin a hit him in the face and head with it. Then he called me a ***** in front of everyone. But now I’m suspended for 10 days out of school, I got back on Monday they changed my classes and gave me a new locker so I don’t have to have any contact with him at school. But he still calls my house and cell phone leaving messages the boy is crazy and I’m scared he will do something what should I do?

my parents sat and talked to his grandma (who has custody of him and his 4 brothers and sisters because his mom is on drugs) but that didn’t help because he disrespects his grandma to.

Answer 1

I dont need to finish reading your story to tell you that you need to get out of that relationship now... first mistake is you so young and already having sex, you need to finish your school and a career. Second you are already involved in an abusive relationship. Seek help from the policy as you have done before or go to a school counselor. Kids like him become obssess and that is not good.... Move on and dont talk to him, dont take his gifts, dont pick up his calls, and for godsake stop having sex, what are you going to do if you become pregant? you will have to deal with this loser for the rest of your life

Answer 2

Do not just call the police, have them come over. Give them your phone and show them how much he's called. File a report. Ask the police to talk to him and his family. Get a copy of the records of the incident that happened at school and show the police, make them keep it on file. Keep the messages that he leaves on your home phone and let the police hear them also
PRESS CHARGES if anything else happens. This kind of behavior is NOT acceptable in any manner.
No matter how nice and loving he seems to be one day, keep away from him.
If the calls don't stop. CHANGE YOUR CELL #.
Don't take these things that are happening so lightly.
There was a friend of ours whose guy did these things and the girl tried to commit suicide to get away from everything going on.
You are worth way more than he will ever show you. Even when he is sweet. It's a control issue with him. He DOESN'T care about you. Don't be fooled at all.

Answer 3

OK, first, you made a mistake taking him back - I think you know that, but it is relevant to the rest.
Thankfully you have your parents on side.
Do they know the Police have been involved already?
Does the school know?
If not make sure they do know straightway.
Next you need to get word to this idiot, in writing, use an adult to write the letter with you, that if he comes near you again you'll go to the Police again & press charges & be prepared to go to court to see those carried throught to sentence.
Make sure your parents, school & his grandmother know this.
Give them all a copy of the letter.
You've already learnt that fighting back gets you nowhere, it makes things worse for you. So don't do that again.
If you get text messages, voicemails, anything like that - even e-mail, keep them all & give a copy to your parents, his grandmother & the school as they happen.
You have two ways out of this, neither of them easy.
1) the mounting pressure of his nasty work being copied to everyone who can do anything about this might make them act, or him stop.
2) Prosecute in law. Give everything to the Police & get your parents to back you up. Use a lawyer if you can.
If you feel under the threat of violence (your messages will show why) the courts take a very dim view of the culprit & can be very severe in the actions they take.
Lesson for anyone else caught in a bad situation like this.
If you go to the Police keep on piling the pressure until they prosecute the culprit.
If you take them back your case is damaged & you'll have to go back to the beginning to see it finished.
The only good thing I an add is that, thankfully, there are few guys as bad as this.

Answer 4

Well let me start by saying this guy sounds like a jerk. It may sound difficult for you but to be honest the best thing is to just let him leave messages and ignore them. Eventually he will probably give up if he realises he is not affecting you. Guys like that only do things like this to see girls cry and if you are strong and don't let it get to you, he'll most likely give it up. You're better off without people like that. Alternatively go out, find someone new and just forget as best you can.

It sounds like you have had a rough time, I'm really sorry about it. I hope you can get yourself sorted and get on with your life without him ruining it any more. Take care.

Answer 5

Whatever you do, don't talk or have any other contact with this boy. The school officials and the police need to be involved here. Even though that can be embarrassing for someone your age to have to deal with, it's better than getting in physical fights with someone and being scared all of the time. This is beyond what you can handle yourself or with your family, the school and police need to be involved.

Answer 6

Wow, that's really tough. I'm sorry that you have to be going through this. The only thing I can advise you to do is get help. Tell your parents, your teachers, your peers, even the police what is going on. Get a new cell phone number.

I feel odd giving advice on something I've never experienced. I don't know if that makes me sound "too good" or something to that extent, but I want to help you, not make myself feel better. I want you to get help It seems really scary, and even if you aren't religious, know that I"ll be keeping you in my prayers. I hope that everything turns out ok, and there are people, even people who have know idea who you are, who are thinking of you and wishing to help.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Probably easier said than done, but you have to leave him alone...get a restraining order. The things he is doing are just minor at this point and is capable of much more. You're having sex with this guy, so what happens if you get pregnant and he abuses you then? What happens when he abuses you in front of your kids, or worse, abuses your child?

Answer 8

This boy needs 1) a good friend and mentor and 2) to admit that he has issues. Until BOTH of these things happen you need to stay as far away from him as you can. No contact. His issues are about to become your issues and soon you'll become more like him than he like you. You're looking at your future if you associate with him.

Answer 9

Wow,
he is real dick...Dont get back with him anymore... There are so many violence in teens these days.. Maybe you have to change your phone # and have someone pick you up from school ...He may be dangerous.... If things get that bad you can always put restraining order against him

Answer 10

You should have learned the first time. Call the police and tell them everything. If he's done it to you, it's not enough for you to get away from him, as he could do it to someone else. He needs to be stopped.