A Cat's Affection - Need Help?

Question

What can i do to make my cat more affectionate towards me? he is 6 1/2 months old and neutered. I've had him for 3 1/2 months now and i wanted a cat to watch tv with, pet, and hold and its not happening and it is frustrating. when i go to pet him and he is standing up, he will lower his bottom so the my had slides off of him and he walks away! If he is laying down and awake and i go to pet him, he will get up and move not far away and then lay back down and licks the exact spot i petted him on. As if to say "im washing your touch off of me"!! I don't know what this means but every time i call his name his tail flops/moves...is he aggravated that I'm even calling him??? I really can't belive it. I call anyone elses name..tail relaxed. Call his name..it moves fast. It makes me so mad and it hurts. I got this kitten because i was depressed and he's acting like this? That sure doesn't help me at all.

Anyway...what can i do? I've never been a cat owner before so this is all new to me.

Answer 1

First of all, relax. He's a kitten and isn't going to sit still anytime soon. It's good he's neutered- that's a step in the right direction. From what you describe, he sounds like a cat I had. She was never one to be held and cuddled and petted and would give me a sharp bite if I over-did it. I did some reading and found that some cats have a "low pleasure threshold", meaning that they can only take so much affection before they become overstimulated. It takes patience and a little work on your part, but you can help your kitty become more affectionate and able to tolerate more stimulus.

Secondly, just because your kitty's difficult to love doesn't mean he doesn't need love. Just the opposite. Give lots of love in little, tiny doses- one second at a time. Do some reading about cat behavior- there's TONS of books at the library and available on-line. You'll learn how to read your kitty's body language and help him become the awesome cat he has the potential to be.

He may never be a little cuddly bundle of fur, but with patience, education and understanding he WILL be your best little buddy and love you to pieces. Don't give up on him because he isn't meeting your expectations. He needs lots o' lovin', just in little bits.

Answer 2

Cats are like people: They have their own personalities. Some like to cuddle any time. Others like attention- but only on their own terms. And then there are others still who simply prefer to keep a little distance- but will be fierce guards, if needed.

And then, too, kitties sometimes go through stages. My male, for instance, is a cuddler- when he's not romping. But he was about a year old before that came out.

Don't give up on your kitty just yet: From what you say, he couldn't have been neutered for very long. And he is still growing, so he will be more interested in exploring than cuddling. After he finishes working the little boy hormones out of his system, he'll probably be happy to sit with you.

Answer 3

Aaw he's still a baby yet, don't worry. Once he's been with you a bit longer he should become more relaxed & confident with you but it's really really important you don't try to force this issue with him. Some cats are natural lap cats and some just aren't. You need to let him come to you in his own time rather than force him to be handled as this will definitely make him resent being handled even more. Cats need to feel in control. If he thinks you're gonna pick him up & pester him all the time he will shy away from you.

Will he let you brush & comb him? To get him used to it maybe you could catch him when he's sleepy and gently brush him to get him used to the idea that some human contact can actually feel really nice! Give him lots of verbal love in the meantime too! Talk to him in a nice voice, tell him all the time what a good boy he is & just lay off on the physical stuff for a while - don't try to pick him up if he doesn't want this, play 'hard to get' for a while and let him come to you! In time when he realises you're not gonna force him to do anything he doesn't want to he should gradually come to accept - even ask for - those strokes & cuddles.

Don't worry about licking the spot you've touched - they all do that, it's normal! If he is 'lashing' his tail - as in thumping it hard on the ground or swishing it wildly from side to side he could be annoyed. If it's just twitching or moving slightly he's just responding to your call or undecided / curious about something. The link about cat body language below is a good one to read.

Cats are incredibly pereceptive & very good at reading our emotions - if you're depressed or angry he'll know and could even be why he's a little touchy around you. You say you got him to watch tv with and to pet & hold and because you are depressed. I'm sorry but your little guy isn't your personal therapist & he has his own emotional needs too. Maybe he senses this neediness in you & it make him nervous.

My cats are my greatest comforts when I'm down - they know when I'm depressed and give me extra attention then. But they have never been forced to do this. If I pick them up or stroke them & they make it obvious they don't want to be bothered then I leave them be. This has helped us develop a realtionship based on mutual respect & love - they know when i need them around me and i know when they don't need me around them!

Answer 4

Try playing with him. Get a piece of string, put a knot in the end, and drag it in front of him. If that doesn't work, try dangling it in front of his kittty face. Play as long as he is interested.

If you feed him dry food, let the bowl run dry. He'll come to you when he's hungry, and when you fill his bowl each time, he'll come to associate you with food.

If he'll let you, pick him up and carry him around petting him.

Take him to bed with you and plop him on the bed. He'll probably leave, but do it every night.

I have found that cats respond to a human voice singing a sustained note. Also some cats respond to a whistle. Mine does both. I just call her by going "CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" and she eventually comes.

Are you talking to him? Does he talk to you? Cats only meow to humans. When he "talks" to you, meow back at him, trying to duplicate the sound you hear.

The most important thing is to interact as much as possible with your cat. Some cats never become lap cats, but show their affection in other ways. Keep trying, and you'll get some kind of response, it just takes time.

Cat's communicate with each other using body language, especially their tails. The twitching is an acknowledgement that he's heard you, recognizes his name, and at least with my cat, it's an invitation to come closer and pet her.

Answer 5

Cats are very independent. It's possible the cat feels that you are bugging him too much.

Try leaving him/her alone for awhile.... ignore it.

When you come into a room and see the cat and the cat see's you, just look at the cat to acknowledge that he is there, but don't go near it.

You have to let the cat decide whether or not it wants affection. If it does, it will come to you. If the cat sees that you are not going to smother it too much, it may relax and feel more comfortable in coming to you when it wants to be petted.

Cats just don't like to feel "smothered".

Answer 6

I've got 5 cats and 1 of mine is the same way, its frustrating, but keep trying, because he's still young, you can still change him. I adopted mine when he was 4 1/2, he's 5 now. He's better than he was in the beginning, but still not all that affectionate, but I keep pushing it, and the more I push, the more he "tolerates". Maybe one day, he'll actually enjoy it. Good luck, I feel your hurt.

Answer 7

Some cats are that way. It is always better to wait for them to come to you. Sit on the floor with a toy or cat treats and see if you can entice him closer! I have the opposite problem. My Maine Coon is 22lbs and wants to be a lap kitty, while I am nursing my 11 month old!!

Answer 8

Some cats are just independent and don't feel the need for a lot of affection. Give him some more time though...he may come around...it's possible that he didn't have good experiences w/ humans before you got him and he may need more time to trust you. Good luck!

Answer 9

I would increase the playtime with him, and call him by a other pet-name (I call mine Yoda when he gets funny with me).
Also, ignore him for stretches of time. Seems he is more independant, as some breeds are, and that need for their solitariness needs to be respected.

Answer 10

I have three cats, two are affectionite and the other one is not. We have had her for two years now and she is just starting to warm up to us. It just takes patients. As someone mentioned before maybe it was treated wrong before you got it. I think out little one was abused before we brought her home.