So I told my fiance yesterday that I was married before...she's angry?

Question

that I didn't tell her sooner (we've been dating about 9 months). What can I do to make her forgive me? She says she still loves me, but I know she's angry with me. What can I do to make her feel good about us again? Jewlrey?

Answer 1

you so happened to just not mention this VERY important information to a woman u are going to marry?!
sorry but that is deceiving. almost like a lie. how would u feel if the woman u married just yesterday told u a very important info from her past that u HAD to know before marrying her just told u that info now. u will feel like u were cheated on, or lied to.
u can start a marriage with lies and hidden secrets. ur past may be ur past but things like that are crucial to find out about.my husband right now failed to mention to me that he was married to a woman whom he always referred to as an ex gf. one day, we spent thanksgiving with his family and his sister was talking about this gurl but mention this girl's name with the word EX-WIFE. i even corrected her and said, "u mean ex gf?". anyway it was so emabarassing and humiliating to find out from someone else especially infront of ur in laws. i was mad of course. but nothin i can do now. but to prevent that from happening, ur better off being honest. now remem, if this secret is only going to do more harm than good, dont say it. but secrets like being married to someone else, you HAVE to tell them about it. ur future depends on that too.

Answer 2

Don't give her a present right now. That strategy only works for people under age 10. She needs time to deal with what happened, and a gift of jewelry would look like you're trying to bribe her into not being angry (even though that's not really your intent). She's probably far more upset that you waited so long to tell her than she is about your past marriage. If my partner had waited that long to tell me something so important, I would definitely feel like my trust had been violated. That's a big piece of information to keep under wraps for so long. I'm sure you know this, so I'll stop fussing at you now. Sorry.

The only thing that will make her feel better about your relationship is to show her that you are trustworthy. Doing that will take time, and you cannot expect her to immediately start trusting you 100%. If there are any other potential skeletons in your closet, come clean with those too. It also may be a good idea for the two of you to go to a relationship counselor.

If you really make a good-faith effort to be completely open and honest with her from now on, I truly believe that you can rebuild your relationship.

All the best.

Answer 3

First, I commend you for telling her. It was the right thing to do.

That said, no **** shes angry! You think you trust someone and know everything about them enough to get married, and all of a sudden they find out you were married before?? HUGE! Im not trying to be rude, I am just saying that you should get how she feels and that is what is going through her mind.

My fiance was married before, but he told me very early on. Nevertheless, it is a VERY hard thing to deal with. It took me a very long time to get over it, and Im still not perfect about it.

I would suggest that the best thing to do is to write her a letter and tell her what she needs to hear. Tell her you are sorry of hiding this, tell her why you didnt tell her sooner (assuming you didnt want to lose her or were scared of her reaction?) Take it from a girl who's been in her shoes, she will be wondering why your last marraige failed, how she knows it will work between you two, how can she trust you when you kept such a big secret, what else she doesnt know, what your ex was like, etc. You need to reassure her but honest on these points. Gifts mean nothing next to an honest letter explaining all the answers she needs to hear. I would suggest not going into detail about your last marraige or your ex, because that will probably be very hard for her to hear and to get over even though she may really want to know. But if you married too young and were immature, tell her. Whatever the truth is, now is the time to share it. Ask her if there is anything there is you can do to make her trust you, and tell her all the feelings you have for her. Tell her why you want to marry her, how special she is to you, how you know it will last the rest of your life. Flowers or another gift in combinatio with this letter can never hurt, but trust me, if she really loves you she needs to hear the truth from you about your past and your feelings about her in order to move on. She needs to know shes something special, not just your second-wife-to-be. hope this helps, I really think it will because I truly understand the situation and her feelings. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Jewelry is a big statement. You can't buy trust. Of course she's angry. You can't make her forgive. You two just need time. You might want to send her something small and pretty or cute, like flowers or a stuffed animal. Keep telling her how much you love her and tell her that you had to be truthful because you love her and want to be honest with her. She's more likely to forgive you and be understanding if you try to explain that you told her the truth because you love her.

Answer 5

Gifts do nothing for a woman when she feels utterly hurt and betrayed. In fact, it can piss her off more sometimes because it looks like you think you can just buy her off. You need to do something that takes effort instead of money. Surprise her by cooking her favorite meal or getting her something small that she mentioned she wanted months ago...it shows you were listening. Then, sit her down and tell her how genuinly sorry you are and that you'll never ever hold anything from her again. Tell her you felt ashamed and weren't sure how she would react. Apologize then ask "what can I do to make this right?"

Answer 6

I would just give her time, take her out to dinner and explain why you may have felt scared about telling her. Let her know exactly what it was to you. She needs to know that you are sure about her, even more so than your first marriage; the need to know that this is something that WILL last is sometimes very important. Even offer a longer period of engagement if it makes her feel more comfortable, making it known that you do want to marry her and that you are willing to wait until she is positively ready to have you, unconditionally, past and all. God Bless and Good luck!

Answer 7

Dude! Wow! I don't blame her for being mad!
The fact that you'd been married and divorced should have come up within the first month of dating.
Right now, she's wondering what else she doesn't know- Do you have a kid that "never came up"? A criminal record she knows nothing about? All kinds of things are going through her mind and she suddenly has to wonder if she really knows you at all.
Now is the time to come clean about anything else that just "never came up" and then all you can do is give her time to get her head around this huge ommission.

Answer 8

I believe when this question was posted yesterday we all said you should have told her earlier to avoid this. The only thing you can do now is just give it time. Don't buy her jewelry because she will know that it is "I'm sorry" jewelry but then again diamonds always make me smile but seriously send her a nice card and some flowers.

Answer 9

I'm sorry, but jewelry, flowers... all the gifts in the world wouldn't help you get out of this one with me. The foundation of any good relationship is trust. You basically lied by omitting that very important detail of your past. It would really take a lot of effort on your part to win me over after lying to me about something such as being married before.

Don't get me wrong. I fully believe in forgiveness... but once my trust has been lost, it takes more than candy and an "I'm sorry." to get it back.

Good luck to you in removing any doubts she might have in your commitment to your relationship.

Answer 10

I am sure over time she will feel good about you two again. Right now she is upset... and with good reason. You kept a secret from her, but not just any secret. Sit down with her and apologize for keeping this from her and assure her that you will always be honest with her from now on. It will help to soften the anger she feels, but for the rest, she just needs time to let it sink in. Be there for her and don't harp on it. She will get over it. Best wishes!

Answer 11

No offense, but maybe you should have told her earlier?? But none the less, what's done is done... let her be angry- she'll get over it if she really loves you...I wouldn't get her jewelry- it looks like you're trying to "buy" her- Just sit down with her and really apologize for not telling her earlier. She has nothing to fear- you obviously got divorced from the other lady for a reason.
Good Luck!