Well I am in love with him but I need my space and I told him already, but he says that we dont need it. And on January 21,he wants to purpose to me , and I think that I will be fustrated with him by then! Right now we are just boyfriend and girlfriend imange when we are married he will probably be to much over protective!!! PLEASE HELP ME!
2007-11-07 02:31:26 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Set boundaries now and do not make a commitment until he proves he is truly in agreement with your boundaries. Think real hard whether this is a relationship you want to escalate into abuse. Over protectiveness is a nice way to say and justify jealousy- jealousy is the predecessor to controlling obsessive abuse.
My ex was very protective of me while dating then he considered me his possession after the marriage, it took ten years to escape him, by then we had two children (he wanted more but I went on the pill without him knowing it) and he was entitled to see his children, which made it so he knew where I lived and could continue stalking me. I had to adjust, become strong, but also I had to accept all of his constant attempts to control me which now has the impact that I cannot trust men, (professionally I am fine, intimately-forget it). After twenty years of divorce, he still pulls crap on me which is just an annoyance, but he is checking to see if my guard is down and he can control me (he too is a professional so others feel bad for him while he makes me out to be a mean person).
If you ask for some time apart and his becomes aggressive, you really need to re-evaluate if this is what you want for the rest of your life!
2007-11-07 02:43:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would hang with family for awhile, tell him you need a week with your Mom or Dad. Sometimes a little time in a void is good. I also know it is hard, been down this road before---if it is easier, plan a get-away with a friend...have her "surprise" you with a weekend at her house or something, anything to give you a break. Make sure you have a public view when you decide to let him know you are making plans to do any traveling, safety in crowds. Also, always make sure some else knows where/when you are going. I hope this helps, if he cannot handle you taking a break w/ family and/or friends, there is a greater problem and I would advise you to end the relationship (again in public, preferably w/ a ride standing by). God Bless and good luck!
2007-11-07 02:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, depends on how over protective he is. My ex was to the point where he broke 4 of my phones and was on the verge of being abusive so I felt the only thing I could do was break up with him. All the drama we went through made me lose my love for him and it was just the best thing to do for me.
Right now I have a boyfriend that isn't like that, but he is still kinda over protective and always wants to be around so what I did was get involved with things in the community so I had a reason to be out doing my own thing, with out making him feeling like it's just about him being annoying :-P. I chose intramural (pick up) soccer and also this modeling thing.
Soccer is really flexible so if I don't want to go I can just chill with him and when I just need to get away, I can :-)
2007-11-07 02:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by PrincessJ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've got a bigger problem than space - if you tell your boyfriend something, he needs to respect that. He can't just tell you no. Sounds like getting married would be trouble the way things are now.
You need to reiterate your need for space, and his need to respect that. If he can't give you space, then you need to consider getting away from him. And remember, this issue isn't with you - getting space will only calm you down. Once you get back, you need to get to the root of what it is that he does that frustrates you and talk to him about that... if you get your space, but don't address the problem, you'll have the kind of marriage where you take separate vacations.
2007-11-07 02:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by getinthepond 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Abuse can be dangerous. You didn't say much about his issues like does he fly off the handle way too much? Your top priority is to take care of u.. He may not like the space but tell him if he doesn't give you the space that you need then it is considered STALKING.. Talking to someone that knows about this stuff like a social worker who specializes in abusive relationships..
2007-11-07 02:43:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anointed71 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how is he overly protective> DOES HE try to control where u go or who u talk too? BEING in love is different then just loving someone, . IF i were you I would search to see if this is what i really want. IF u be quareling now marriage wont make it easier , you know?
IF u love him him are you willing to compromise and if he loves u will he also compromise ?? its not a one time thingy either,, its what u do out of love continually wether , YOU FEEL,, LIKE IT OR NOT!! love is not just a feeling its a committment .. mj
2007-11-07 02:39:44 · answer #6 · answered by mjbrightergem33 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I imagine he's the sort to call every 5 minutes, suspect that you're dating someone else when you're really out with your dog and insist that you take your cell with you everywhere you go, even to the bath.
If he's not like that, girl, Take a chill pill.
Guys are often like that because they are afraid of losing you, either due to a bad experience before or because well, he's not exactly very secure about your relationship. But no, I'm not going to ask you to sit down and chat with him. I'm gonna tell you to really SIT DOWN and talk to him like a bunch of mature adults. He's obviously in love with you, you've just gotta tell him to back off a bit and ask him why he doesnt trust you. Something like:
"To be in a relationship, baby, is to trust each other. And while I understand that you're concerned about me and my wellbeing and want to be in every aspect of my life, you have to understand that I'm my own person as much as I am your lover. So listen, I need my own space as well, no I'm not saying this because I want to leave you or because I don't care about you, but because I want you to trust me.....'
go get em, girl.
2007-11-07 02:38:32 · answer #7 · answered by camiecamera 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems like his over-protectiveness is a disguise for he controlling nature. Telling you you don't need space is the kicker! Ditch him, before it's too late! Not love honey, obsession and possession.
2007-11-07 02:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is acting over protective now it can only get worse. If after talking to him he did nothing to change it then you need to end this relationship now. Noone needs to have thier life dictated and over powered. Get out while the gettins good.
2007-11-07 02:35:15 · answer #9 · answered by Beverly C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump him lady !!!!! cant u c he is trying to be a MCP(male chauvnist pig)!! he wants to control you , & choke u...typical of any indian male.
My advice...walkout before u start to drown!!!am sure u can get guys , a dime a dozen, u must be a good looking girl & smart one too...I am saying this coz u are an individual who is "looking for her own space"!!!! thats a sure sign of an emancipated & free thinking girl !!
2007-11-07 02:39:52 · answer #10 · answered by sudhu31 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋