Ladies: If she loves me, why does she refuse to marry me?

Question

We've known each other for five years and dated four of those. I believe she loves me.

She knew I was in the army when I met her and that I'd eventually have to leave Maryland and be stationed in Texas for 4 years. I asked her to marry me before I left this summer and she said no, she wasn't ready.

Now she's saying that she wants to come visit Texas first and see what its' like. Then we could move in together for a few months, talk to a marriage counselor and then get engaged.

WTF?! If she loves me, why does she have to be so cautious? Why can't she just move to Texas now and marry me right away?

She's 23 and I'm 24. Currently she lives at home with her parents which she hates, but she's afraid to move out by herself. All her girlfriends are married or still live at home, so she can't find a roommate

Answer 1

First of all, her age would matter and second, likely her relationship with her family.

Some young women are more independent than others. Some can up and go where they please while others are more attached to family, friends, familiar surroundings.

It sounds like you think love should overcome all, but this really could be quite a blessing is disguise. She sounds like a smart, thoughtful girl/woman. Do you want anything BUT that? What if she were to make a hasty decision and change her mind LATER? Would that please you more?

Hey, pal, I say this one is a keeper. She doesn't just jump into things, perhaps knowing that love does not overcome everything and look at it this way - the more happy and satisfied she is, the more so you will be too.

I think you are being hard on her. Let her go through the process of making a sound decision about her future. She will make a much better partner for being that kind of careful woman. Don't let it bruise your ego, but take it as a sign that she is serious and only looking out for her happiness (and so yours as well).

Answer 2

Because it isn't only about you. She wants to check out the place that she'll be living in and make sure that the move will be right for HER all the way around. Relationships fail, people die, etc. and so she isn't pinning all of her hopes on you. You should be proud to have a woman that is covering all the bases and is being cautious before making a lifetime commitment to you! I think the marriage counselor idea is great; it could help to define whether or not you two are truly on the same page as potential life partners. Good for her! Living the life of an army wife is NOT easy; she has to be sure, and I appreciate her having a good head on her shoulders---so should you!

Answer 3

That's a big step for anyone, you shouldn't rush her into something like that. She's being cautious for a reason, you're asking her to leave her home, family, friends, etc, for you and that's a big step to take and a lot of compromises she has to make. She doesn't want to jump into something and regret it and you should be proud of her that she isn't stupid and reckless like that. I'm sure she loves you, but it's her life that is going to expierence a big thing and I'm sure she wants to make sure she is doing the right thing.
She doesn't want a situation to where things don't work out with the two of you and she's stuck there. Don't just think in black and white, you have to look at any possible outcome and be ready for anything that could happen. Let her take her time, let her feel like she is making the right decision so she won't be uncomfortable or like she made a mistake when she finally does marry you and move with you.

Answer 4

Marriage is a big step and it may not have anything to do with her love for you as to why she is so cautious. Maybe it's the whole military thing that is scary for her. Especially with a war going on. Have you talked to her about this? It sounds like she wants to marry you...why else would she be talking about coming to Texas and see what it's like? If she is the one for you then just have some patience.

Answer 5

maybe she is scared afraid of committing if you really love her you will wait and see move in try it see and a marriage counselor are there issues?cautious? hum and five years wow maybe it is time to move on and how is the army are you young maybe to young for marriage?and Texas my husband was at Fort WORTH hotter than phoenix good luck

Answer 6

Something is holding her back. Maybe she is scared. Ask her. Let her come to Texas and talk to a marriage counselor. That might help her relax and come to some decisions. It is better for you to make sure this is what she truley wants before you take that step.

Answer 7

Maybe she really want things to work with you and doesn't want to ruin it by rushing into anything. How old is she? If she's under 25 or 30 it's understandable that she doesn't want to run off and get married right away.

The fact is that it doesn't matter why she feels the way she does. If you love her you'll wait for her to be ready. Don't be impatient or you'll make her more anxious about it than she already is.

Answer 8

Getting married isnt something to be taken lightly. Sure you can love someone but that doesnt mean that that person is ready to marry you. She just wants to be sure she knows what she is getting into before she agrees to marry you. Marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your life. If you truly love her you can wait to get engaged to her. Have some patience man!

Answer 9

I can't speak for her but here's what I think:

She does love you, so she wants to make sure it lasts and she wants to be as prepared as possible. It sounds like she wants to get used to living with you and being in Texas before she takes the extra step of getting married.

My cousin had been in a relationship for seven years that broke up largely because a new job, new house, and new city -moved from an Indiana suburb to Harlem- put a lot of pressure on a few rough spots in their relationship.

I think she's trying to avoid that.

Answer 10

because loving someone is ALOT ALOT different than being IN LOVE with someone. Sounds like she is being very mature and smart about it, it's a HUGE step and she takes it seriously, which you should be happy about because if she does accept the proposal you now know that she will take the marriage very seriously and work at it. It can be frustating to wait but it's something that more people should do now-a-days. Be patient and enjoy NOW with her. Don't let this foil your plans of marriage, just be supportive and part of the team and things will work out.