My friend and I have been attracted to each other for the last year, have a great connection and are really close. But, he's married (1yr)! We work in same office building. He's told me before that he's not in love with his wife and never was and he regrets rushing into marriage (he's young). We ended up having sex about a month ago. Then, he was ignoring my emails and calls. He finally spoke to me this week at work and I asked him why he is being strange and aren't we friends? He said he's decided to make things work with his wife & he's moving w/her! I don't believe that's how he truly feels and know he's not happy. I know he may not feel as strongly for me as I do him, but there is something there we can't ignore. Should I be completely honest and tell him what a big part of my life he's been and that I have feelings more than friends? If I do that he may get scared and not want to keep in touch. I want to keep him in my life but also want him to be happy even if it's not with me.
2007-11-07 01:37:24 · 51 answers · asked by Jenz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Please define "sleeping with" and include lots of details. Don't leave anything out. I'm waiting...
2007-11-07 01:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Sorry Jenz, but this guy belongs to another, and he has made the choice to be with his wife. Nothing good will come of you telling him how you feel. He may 'want' you, but he has decided to work things out with the wife, and you need to respect that. You have to let him go, that is the only way either of you will find happiness. Its not what you want to hear, but that is the truth of the matter.
PS men will say just about anything to get a woman into bed, "i don't love her, she doesn't understand me, i don't know why I married her, etc" Married men should be off-limits if you want to find a long term relationship.
If you are really attracted to a married man and he tells you these lines, tell him that you don't date married men and for him to give you a call AFTER the divorce is final. Otherwise, its a can of worms that you are opening. Same goes for married women.
2007-11-07 01:45:47 · answer #2 · answered by I_Love_Life! 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let's take it form the top. Number one he is married your first mistake. I am assuming nobody put a gun to his head and made him marry this girl. I am assuming he asked her to marry him and she accepted.
If they did not get married at the court house this was a long process planning a wedding and he knew it the whole time and did not back down. He had plenty of time to change his mind before all of this took place. Of course he loved her at one point and obviously he still has some feelings for her or he would not be following her.
Actions speak louder then words.
What makes you think if you ended up with this guy he would not find somebody else to cheat with and she will be saying oh he is just misunderstood and I am better for him then you.
I know this is not what you want to hear but back off he is married he does not have the same feelings for you and if you push you will only push him further away from you. If he wants to continue this "friendship" let him take the lead. Stop emailing him or calling him you are only going to look desperate and annoying not very attractive qualities.
I want you to think about this if you were married to whoever would you really want another woman to sleep with him behind your back probably not. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. You are better then this treat yourself with respect and others.
If he gets a divorce fine let him come for you not the other way around and if he does not it was never to be and you deserve to have someone who cannot stand to be without you in their life. Someone who thinks you are their soul mate. Do not settle for less.
2007-11-07 01:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by mdjgirl7 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No you should leave him be so that he can do the right thing by honoring his committment to his wife.
Honestly, you were duped with the age old game he played of not being happy with this wife. He lied to get in your pants and honestly, you fell for it line and sinker. Now hes realized that he just wanted you for sex so hes pulling the "all of a sudden Im making it work with my wife" deal.
It showed incredible lack of character on your part to sleep with a married man. Honestly, what did you think you would get if all of a sudden he left his wife for you? You would get a cheater! You would get someone who was incapable of committing even after taking his vows? Did you honestly think that all of a sudden he would become The Crown Prince because you dropped your pants for him?
Realize it was just a sex thing and move on. The relationship, if you even call it that, is tainted. Nothing good can ever come from it. All you can appear as now is a psycho fling that wont leave him be. Salvage what is left of your dignity and move on.
2007-11-07 01:45:58 · answer #4 · answered by catfish 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations, you're a home wrecker. Trust me, he ain't leaving his wife for you even if he doesn't love her. Most likely, she'll find out and either take him back or kick him out and he'd just pursue the nearest individual that's NOT you. Good job.
2015-04-29 12:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Naki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jenz, don't listen to these reactionaries. You had a go at a relationship ... it didn't work out? OK so that's one for experience. You are not anybody bad because you wanted love. Take it easy on yourself Jenz. Maybe the bloke doesn't love his wife and maybe he also thought it would last. Fact is nobody knows. I'm just a bit concerned that you're being pilloried here and I am concerned for your self-belief. If you want to pass him a message you can tell him you thought it would work and you're sorry it didn't. But also that you'll re-inflate yourself again and carry on. The bloke just sounds like he's muddle-headed not necessarily nasty. You, on the other hand, sound like you are a top person who will find the relationship you truly deserve.
2007-11-07 08:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you are the "other woman," not his wife. You may have felt close to him and he may have told you a lot of things you believed that may not necessarily be true. Bottom line is he's married, he slept with you, and then pulled away from you. This is not a man you should trust (you already know his wife can't trust him). You need to have more respect for yourself and find a relationship with a man who is only involved with you. Let this man go. It is not your job to see to it that he's happy with you OR with his wife. It's your job to see to it that YOU are happy. This relationship can only cause you heartache. You've made a mistake getting involved with this man. Get strong and move on. There are better things for you out there.
2007-11-07 01:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
One of my best friends had a 2 year relationship with a married man that kept telling her he was going to get a divorce from his wife. He would travel back and forth between them. They live in separate towns so he got by a little easier, his wife thought he was on business trips.
When my friend finally gave him the choice either me or her?
He picked his wife, who had no idea he was messing around. I think he wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too.
My friend was heart broken. No matter what he told her, it may have been real, the feelings they had, but when you are in this situation, sometimes you have to expect the worse as well.
2007-11-07 01:45:33 · answer #8 · answered by Ms_Hollywood_Hairdresser 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he hit it and moved on. thats what you get for screwing a married guy....happy or not.
There are too many single people to consider the married as an option. You got used. I hope he doesn't have kids; that would make you a horrible person. He is a loser too too but he didn'task the question.
I suggest you tell him how you feel so you see how stupid of a decision this was and you don't make it agaun. He will blow you off.
2007-11-07 02:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up a marriage is not the best way to start a new relationship. He has had his fun and has decided to stay with his wife. Find someone that is not in a committed relationship.....you will be alot happier in the long run. Allow him to work on his relationship with his wife if that is his wishes. The best thing for both of you is for you to not stay in touch.
2007-11-07 01:44:47 · answer #10 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for the guy's wife. As a newlywed, of course he loves her and wants to make it work, but he's a horn dog - so he told you whatever it took to get you in the sack. You don't really know - you THINK you do.
"I don't really love her" I'm just married to her.
Not nice to want someone else's man (woman, dog, anything). Stick to available fellas and you won't have to deal with this sort of thing hon. Don't be honest with him about your feelings - it gives him satisfaction, which is all he was after in the first place. Feeds his ego. Lick your wounds and move on with lesson in pocket.
2007-11-07 01:44:33 · answer #11 · answered by pepper 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋