My fiance and I are getting married in March and have started putting together a guest list. We want to keep it small, between 20-30 guests, but his family is huge and we dont know where to draw the line. We are inviting parents, siblings and grandparents for sure, and like 3 of our best friends. I only have one aunt and uncle and I would like to invite them, but would it be fair or right, because his aunts and uncles wouldnt be invited? To invite all aunts and uncles we are looking at close to 50-60 guests and we dont' want that. How do you tactfully draw the line?
2007-11-07 01:21:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Why don't the two of you each make a list separately of the people that would mean the most to you to have there, regardless of if they are an aunt, uncle, whatever. Then bring the lists together and negotiate what is fair for each of you. The people that are closest to you know who they are and you should have who means the most, not just whoever fits in the right category.
2007-11-07 01:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Would his aunts and uncles be offended about not being invited to your wedding? Talk to some of his family to see how they think his aunts and uncles would react. Is he close to his aunts and uncles or does he only see them once every year or so? That plays a huge part in determining whether or not they should be included on the guest list as well. There’s no sense in inviting an aunt who doesn’t even speak to your fiancé just because she’s family.
I don’t know why you want your guest list to be short, but try to see if you can accommodate 50 to 60 people. It’s a bit of a sticky situation with family... Good luck and congratulations!
2007-11-07 01:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We are having a small wedding to and came across this same problem we only wanted to invite like 50 people and some how had over 100 people on the list. So what we did was look at the list and decide who we really thought would show up. We are also sending out wedding announcements after we are married saying that we were married in a small intimate wedding on this date and now live at this address. That way if they want to send a gift they can.
What you need to do is just sit down with him and tell him that the guest list is getting to big and it needs to be trimmed down because you need to be ordering invitations soon.
2007-11-07 02:39:34 · answer #3 · answered by Whit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and congratulations!
I would do it just as you have said. I assume you are paying (not YOUR family or HIS family), so invite who YOU want. Yes, if you only have 1 aunt/uncle, I would go ahead and invite them....your groom's aunts/uncles...NO. As you said, it would more than double your list. And don't worry about being "fair". I'm sure his side will understand that you are limiting your list. Just explain..."it's a very small ceremony/reception." No one is going to call up your aunt/uncle to see if they are or are not invited, etc.
Sit down with your fiance with your list and his list and go from there!
Good luck! I just love small weddings!
2007-11-07 03:31:53 · answer #4 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is the reason you want 30 guests and not 50?? is it because you really dont want it? or is it because of the money? if it was because of the money than i would understand.. however, if it is how you said it in your question, and you really dont want it, then i would have to say that it is a little selfish.. if he is as close to his aunts and uncles as you are to yours then they should all be invited... if it is because of the money then i think you 100% should split the quest list.. you invite half and he invite the other half.. if you have less then 15 than give him the remainingth.. really if its about the money the only fair thing is to spit it up!
2007-11-07 01:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat, but we are doing aunts and uncles. Where we are confused is with cousins. I think that if you invite your aunt and uncle, you two may be obligated to invite his aunts and uncles, otherwise you risk hurting feelings and leaving people allienated. Maybe talk with his mom to see how she feels. If you would still like to invite all the aunts and uncles, then you could always switch to a heavy appetizer cocktail reception, or a dessert reception. Good luck
2007-11-07 21:50:47 · answer #6 · answered by sden2616 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what's right for the two of you, but it's going to be really difficult to not invite your fiancee's aunts and uncles. I know that it will end up going past the amount of people you want, but you have to consider the fact that they are his family. You're going to more have to consult your fiancee and his parents to see how they feel about it. If it's not a problem with them, maybe because they're not close in his family, than do what you need to do. But if it's really going to hurt feelings in the family you have to think about them.
2007-11-07 01:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by Marra's mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with him nad both discuss who will be on the final guest list.
I say, go with people you both agree on. Say "no" to any 'maybes' or 'pity invites' as my wedding coordinator calls them. LOL.
And start with your budget cause that will definitely help you to see how many people actually will get invited.
2007-11-07 03:44:13 · answer #8 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar thing. My family is huge and his is smaller. We decided to put a number limit on each side. Say you each get to invite half of the people. It is the best way I can think to do it.
2007-11-07 01:51:59 · answer #9 · answered by vaya 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with vle045 15 guests each.
2007-11-07 01:32:58 · answer #10 · answered by Marquel 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋