Why would a mother and father plan to have a baby when they know they won't be home to raise it.?

Question

And then they go and have more after the first. Why wouldn't they just wait til they are financial stable enough to stay home to raise their own child. Of course I am not including unplanned pregnancies.

Serious question, would like to know what is going through their minds.

funny how most of the reponses don't believe that a parent should be raising their children not a daycare or nanny. That it's ok to not see your baby for 8-12 hours a day. How long do you see your children then 2 hours a day??

Yummy is exactly what I'm saying. I know of many many families who are living off of one income. They drive used cars and live in apartments or small houses and use coupons. Why would you need excess of $80k-100K? The child is the most important investment not material things. Why can't people understand that (excluding single moms/dads of course)?

I'm talking about being home with babies and toddlers not grown children at school age of course. You know, the first few yrs of life in this world.

Answer 1

I am a SAHM, for me I don't know how they can afford to work--Daycare is expensive. Personally I couldn't see having my child to have someone else raise it. People in todays society don't put their children first, they want the bigger home, the three cars and vacactions and think they're doing a great job. I think when people say you need to two incomes to survive, I'm wondering on what scale it is. If it's min. wage job for the two of you then I'd have to say yes, you do but when you're making $100K combined I'm wondering why you can't sacrifice and stay at home for a few years.

Answer 2

Wonderer, this question is very judgemental. People have children for many different reasons, and I could never pretend to understand all of them. Are you thinking of the family on your block, a freind across town, a family in New York City or on a farm in Idaho, an Israli kibutz (where childrearing is communal) or in some third world country?
I don't think it matters who takes care of the child what matters is whether the child knows love and is taught right from wrong and to be productive. Basic needs and good moral character.
Nannys and daycares are not so bad when you consider many kids are homeless or must work to provide for the family. What about a SAHM who is a drunk? Is that better? By the way, I am a SAHM, not the substance abuse variety, and I don't think you need to be to raise good kids.
Now, if you wanna debate the excesses of our society I can go there but that is not the question.

Answer 3

I agree with you. The school my daughter is currently in is crammed full of kids who rarely see their parents, and are only concerned with achievments. They are not kind children, they are not warm. The parents are not kind or warm. My daughter is bullied there, because I (her mother) do not work. She has been asked what job her mother does (by 6 year olds!) and she told them I study (i'm a student, I study at home with the ou). They laughed at her and said that's not a job. They pick on her. They tell her all our stuff is fake, and that we are poor and do poor stuff.
Tomorrow is her last day at this school. Then she goes to a church school, where people are kind and warm. There are some snobs, but on the whole the people go there for the christian ethos, not the childminders they can get word-of-mouth cheaply.

Answer 4

Honestly it doesn't sound like a serious question ... it sounds like a rant against two-income families. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I like it that way. My friends in families where both parents work have happy and well-adjusted children, and they spend way more than 2 hours a day with their kids (I would guess families where both parents are working overlapping 12+ hour days exactly correlating with their child's waking hours are in the small minority. Most families seem to manage to either stagger shifts or have at least one parent working a shorter day). They love their kids; their kids love them; they're to be found at the playground in the early evening, making dinner, reading books, playing games, spending weekends together, and generally doing all the things parents do. Maybe they enjoy their work. Maybe they need the extra income to get by (some do). Maybe they want to set an example for their daughters that they have other options open to them besides staying home all day. Maybe they've found they're more patient with their kids and generally better parents if they aren't doing it 24 hours a day. Maybe they have great caregivers who are actually enriching the child's life over what they'd have if they were with a single adult all the time. Maybe they want their kids to be interacting more with other kids ... kids in daycare sometimes socialize faster.

I assume your husband must be working full time so that you can stay home. I assume it would be rather offensive if someone were to ask why he bothered having kids if he wasn't going to raise them. Perhaps it's because he's a great dad and spends time with them when he's not at work, he and his kids enrich each other's lives, and he knows the kids are in good hands when he's not there. Consider that might be the answer to your question for moms as well as dads.

Answer 5

Clearly you live in a location that allows this.

Where I live, we pay almost two thousand dollars a month for a crappy two bedroom apartment, we drive a used car and it's still 300 a month for the car payment, we pay 150 a month in car insurance, we pay 600 a month for child care and then theres diapers, groceries, baby clothes...and yes I use coupons and club cards and everything I can to pinch pennies.

And I live where I live because I'm caring for my mother who can't move.

The reason I work in the first place is because I have an excellent benefit package that pays for my health insurance and my sons...If I didn't work, I'd be paying about 500 a month just for our insurance...in addition to all our other expenses.

While it must be nice to be you, sitting at home with your child, not all of us have the luxury.

Serious question, would like to know what makes you so high and mighty?

I love my son more than anything...should I quit my job and live in a box instead? Or maybe you'd like to open up your guest room for me and my family?

Answer 6

ahhh..I really hate these questions because people that are closeminded and ignorant such as WI come out.
I guess then most people should not have children. Just because people work-does not mean that don't spend quality time with their children.
I am a single parent and work full time. My daughter is 11 now.
She is a straight A student-never been in trouble-has many friends, and most imporantly is a HAPPY child.
She has never lacked for anything-time and love included.

So should both parents not work to raise their kids?
Things happen-nowaday people have to work to get by.
Most families live pay check to paycheck with no savings.

It is quality not quanity. I have never missed something at school(partiesm halloween parades, etc)
I have always been their for my daughter.
and FYI just because someone stays home with their kid-doesn't mean their child will turn out ok-most people aren't happily married either-there is HIGH divorce rate in the US-does that not affect children.
I am so over this question....................

Answer 7

i stay home with my almost 3 year old and 1 year old all day and my fiance works i love it but not everyone can do that I'm blessed to be able to spend my days raising my children and I'm sure most of the parents working would perfer to do the same but need to work or they would not be financially able to give their children the things they do i commend them more then anything

Answer 8

Yeah, I work because I am a single parent, and I LOVE it. I have to make an income somehow. Welfare doesn't cut it. I don't even want to be on welfare. My son is in Full Day Kindergarten and I work 8 hours a day. So I actually do spend time with my child when I am home from work. You want Parents that are teens, 20's, 30's, 40's to RETIRE before raising children? Give me a BREAK.

My child LOVES school he has NO issues and he isn't medicated on Prozac and Ritalin. He is normal and healthy. Maybe some children need drugs, my child does not need drugs to function. Parenting is a lot of patience and understanding and communication and boundaries. Most of all LOVE for your child ALWAYS.

Do you ACTUALLY have children. Maybe if I win the Lottery I will stay at home alone for 6 hours while my son is in school. YEAH.........NOT.

EDIT: FUNNY, my child is only in daycare for 4 hours a day. 2 hours before school and 2 hours after school. IF THAT. My son is in School for 6 hours a day. He is in FULL day Kindergarten and Loves it. Most times I can pick him up after school, because I start so early in the morning. So I have up to 6 hours a day to spend time with him. So what is the problem? Weekends and Stat Holidays I don't work.

Edit: I don't have a Car. I don't make 80-100 grand a year. I rent an 2 bedroom Apartment. You JUST LOVE to Judge people don't you. YOU have NO Fricken Idea what their situation is DO YOU. Yeah that is what I thought. YOU have no KIDS. I WAS home with my child when he was a baby and toddler. I started putting him in Daycare when he was 3. Because I had to start WORK. I was with my ex when he was a baby. I was a stay at home mom. We rented a basement suite at the time and STILL had NO CAR. Give it up. EVERY Situation is DIFFERENT. DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND????? FUNNY HOW YOU JUDGE when you are 'The Wonderer' YOU really should open up your mind a little more. YOU asked Don't JUDGE.

Excluding single moms and dad's of course. Maybe some single parents have inherited a lot of money and can afford to invest with their incomes. I sure can't at $12 an hour.


EDIT: WI MOM YOU JUDGE EH? I WAS WITH MY EX FOR 10 YEARS.

Answer 9

Well, my husband and I have one child. We both have Bachelor's degrees, but our combined salary before taxes is less than $60,000. We live in a mobile home. Both drive used cars. And have never been on vacation. We do not both work because we want all of the extras. We work to put food on the table and to buy our child clothes, and without government assistance. I am considering having another child, but I really do not want to put my child in day care. I would rather be in a better financial situation before having another baby. Does this mean I should leave my husband and find a man that can support me and my kids? Or should I just never have another child because I know my husband could not support all of us on his salary?

And the fact is, a lot of "stay at home moms" do not really stay at home. They end up getting bored and put their child/children in a day-care program a couple of days a week so they can go shopping or have affairs.

Answer 10

I can't think of any family that I know that are financially stable enough to stay home and raise their children. I work in the professional world as a analyst. I make decent money and have a 7 yr old and pregnant with my 2nd. My husband and I are not in the position to stay home to care for our children. This is a very general question. The situation can be different for every couple. There would be no children if everyone waited til they were financially stable.

Answer 11

What is wrong with working parents??????
You can raise a child and work at the same time!!You would have to experience the feeling of wanting a baby to fully understand what is going through their minds!
If most ppl wait until they are financially able to stay home and not work, then they would be at an age where they are too old to have a child, and be at more risk of complications!Atleast if they do have a child then they have a job and are able to support the baby!!
You should be asking this question if they were planning a child, and were gonna rely on government support!!!!