she never messages me first? not interested?

Question

I met this girl in class and I really like her, we talked a lot in class and she always looks at me eye to eye when i'm talking. She also laughs a lot at the things I say even though they aren't funny. We have hung out several times of which all were a dinner + movie type thing. After a movie (usually ends at around 9pm) we would walk over to a close by starbucks to have a drink and chat till around midnight. There were never any awkward silent moments during the time we hung out and we both always had A LOT to talk about.

So i've also noticed that I have always been the one starting conversations (on IM like msn) so I decided that I would not message her and see if she would ever message me first. But so far I have not gotten a message from her yet! and it's been around 3 days since we last talked on msn. Is she just not interested or does she want me to always start the conversation? I don't wanna sound too needy too.. Do you think it was a bad idea not to message her??

I have also noticed that she has many guy friends and I sometimes see her eating lunch with a group of guys even though she has her own friends (girls). I do not know whether she hangs out with them regularly since I have not asked her this, but should is this an early sign that she is only wanting attention from guys? If so I should forget about expressing my true feelings towards her?

Answer 1

It is very easy to misinterpret the actions of others. What YOU seem to see is a popular girl hanging out with lots of men. What SHE is experiencing might be totally different. She might actually be quite self-conscious and even shy. The guys she hangs out with might be childhood friends whom she feels comfortable with.

She probably doesn't start conversations with you because she feels awkward. Girls are taught that the GUYS should initiate dates and such. It takes a LOT of courage for a girl to start a conversation with a guy.

She's probably on Yahoo! Answers, asking why this guy she likes hasn't IM'd her in 3 days!

The best thing you can do is start talking to her again and don't be afraid to let her know how much you like her.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Dude, you're the guy. Forget the feminist propaganda. Doesn't matter if you like it or not. Thousands of years of biology and programming don't change. You are the leader. That is both good and bad. It can be wonderful when you learn how to use it. But it is not her role to call you. The most important thing for a woman is to feel wanted. So she wants you to show that you want her. NEED? NO! WANT? YES. You have to develop the attitude of "I don't need you, but I do want you. I can go get other girls if you don't respond. I don't need you. But I do WANT you." Women need to feel wanted.

Now, notice, girls there is NOTHING wrong with girls asking a guy out or initiating. Guys appreciate it after the guy does all the work most of the time. But unfortunately, as a guy, you cannot EXPECT a woman to take on the burden of intiiating anything. That is on your shoulders... unless you get really lucky when she decides to call you.

Answer 3

Well regardless of whether she's interested or not, by what you've said sounds like she's not the initiator. So just gather up your courage and ask her, that's about all you can do. Don't shy away just because you're not sure how she feels.

And also, in your conversations, you say both of you have a lot talk about but who generally starts a topic? Is it you and she responds to you or does she bring up topics on her own? If it's the first then I can almost with certainty say you're the initiator.

Answer 4

Ive had a similar situation, but trying to hold back from messaging you NEVER works, itll make her think you dont like her. It sounds like she thinks of you guys as just friends, especially with all of the guy friends you mentioned. If you want it to further you may need to get her to get a crush on you. Stress that last part. If you try hitting on her eg arm around her in a movie, she may totally reject you if shes used to having guy friends. You gotta make her fall for you. Try thinking a step ahead, bring her a coffee in the morning one time, show you are thinking about her, in a way that could be taken as friendship, depending on perspective. Allow her to get a routine with you, then casually bring up as a joke that she may owe you since you always do something for her. Talking about it helps, she may not even be aware of the fact that she never messages first.

Answer 5

How old are you and she? You sound like late teens or early 20's? Some women like to be chased by lots of men. It feeds their ego's. and usually signifies insecurity. Personally I find these women bore easily and quite demanding for attention. They also usually don't manage well in social situations with other couples. (other women mean competition) By not IM you she controls the situation. I think you should wait her out. If she never IM's you, you know she is a control freak too.

Answer 6

ASK HER OUT!!! come on! and in person not over the phone or chat, probably when you get coffee then you'll have some time to talk to her about it, if she doesn't feel that way just try and play it cool then you can still be friends I think, it would be better to start with maybe I like how this relationship is going between us, talk about what you like about her not just how she makes you feel, then ask her if she'd like to try being more than friends

Answer 7

yeah it seems like she wants attention from boys i would just relax because if she wants you she'll talk to you,most girls do

Answer 8

dude i have no idea. but i have the exact same problem. pretty much word for word.

Answer 9

maybe she's just playing hard to get.

Answer 10

get some balls and ask her how she feels.