ATHEISTS who Formerly Believed: How have you dealt with telling your family that you no longer believe in God?

Answer 1

Oh God. I've done the opposite.

About two years ago, my parents found a poem I wrote for school, that made it pretty clear I was an atheist. My parents are *exceedingly* controlling in every way, and my mother is one of the most sensitive people I know; she takes everything personally, and instead of telling her to get a grip, my dad tries to make sure nothing he, my siblings, or I ever do or say could possibly be construed as insulting or upsetting. So needless to say, both of my parents freaked out. We could not have a single conversation that was not about my going to hell. They both felt like they had failed as parents, and I can understand their concern over my soul if that's what they truly believe, but it was much more than a sophomore in highschool could realistically take. My siblings and I are supposedly "allowed" our own opinions, but whenever my parents find our opinions differ from theirs, they will stop at NOTHING to "convert" us, whether it be politics, or moral matters, or something stupid, so I knew there would be no end in sight. With my mom sobbing hysterically all over the place and demanding to know why I hadn't told her before now (hmm, maybe because I knew how they'd REACT) and my father drilling me and angrily telling me how arrogant I was to believe no one else was out there, I really didn't see the point in continuing on in this fashion--- so I faked a conversion. I pretended to have thought about it, and realized that I was wrong. You know, just an adolescent phase, we all go through them. They haven't seemed to doubt my truthfulness whatsoever, which is fitting. They believe what they want to believe.

As I'm still living in their house, and they are still as controlling as ever, I still haven't told them the truth. Back then I was struggling with insurmountable feelings of insecurity, and still looked to my parents to validate my self-worth. Now, after 18 years, I've realized that this does not work, and that this tactic has actually really hurt my development as a person. I'm planning on getting counseling, and then moving out next year. Hopefully then I'll be much more removed from them, and can finally tell them the truth, although I fear I'd just be doing that to "get back" at them for being so controlling and overbearing all those years. I guess I'm not sure. I can't keep up an act all my life just for people who are going to matter less and less to me as I get more of my own life, that much I know. It's like having a full time job, but worse. And you don't get paid.

Answer 2

Fortunately my family ties had all been severed by the time I became an atheist, although I wrote a letter to my sister granting her the "I told you so" she would much adore, because she's been an atheist pretty much all her life. The letter came back as undeliverable.

But I did cope with telling my Methodist Sunday school teacher mother about having been initiated as a witch. This was back in the late 1970s or early 1980s. She said she'd pray for me, and I'm sure she did, because she mentioned it in EVERY phone conversation and letter after that.

But she still loved me, and when she got to the end of her life and her minister would not talk about death with her, she was grateful that I would. We had quite a nice reconciliation and we both acknowledged that our beliefs weren't all that far apart. But remember, that was witchcraft, not atheism.

Answer 3

Although I grew up going to church, we never really talked about God in my home. By the time I decided that I did not believe I was on my own and never talked to them about it for 10 years. I think it was at my Grandfather's funeral, when I didn't receive communion and my mom asked me why. l just told that I didn't believe that it was the body of Christ and that if I lied and said I did as I took communion I thought it would be disrespectful of my Grandfather's and her religious beliefs. I told her I didn't have a belief in God at all - I didn't think it was necessary.

She seemed to be more worried about what others would think of HER if I wasn't a believer. I just talked to her about that and assured her it was not a reflection on her or my dad. It was my own way.

From time to time she's made comments like "The Pope speaks 8 languages - he's really smart and HE believes in God, so why can't you?" I just chuckle and say, "Nice try!"

She's told me that she prays that I'll come back to the church and I just take that as a sign that she cares about me in her way and I'm okay with that.

Answer 4

I'm not an atheist ... per se. I'm a Pagan, and I'm not sure if my parents have figured it out. I really don't talk to them about anything that matters. I quit doing that when I was 14 and told them I was transsexual. That went badly enough that I just stopped talking to them.

I have a very conservative Catholic family. I'm a transsexual Pagan minister. Not much common ground.

Answer 5

I told my mother that I didn't believe in god. And when my aunt made a comment about god that required my response I told her that I don't believe in god. I don't have a problem telling people that. Although if you want to get technical I never actually believed in god, I just tried to. Obviously it never worked.

Answer 6

I didn't actually ever believe, but my family is largely unaware of my lack of religion. I just don't bring it up and they aren't hugely religious, so it isn't a problem. My parents have basically given it up, so that's easy. As for my other family, I just don't say anything when they talk their God talk. None of them are crazy or fundie, so it isn't a big issue.

Answer 7

It wasn't really much of a shock to them. After rejecting their religion, I went through a period of being a devout Wiccan. So I was still theistic; the atheism wouldn't come for years. The bottom line for them was that I didn't have the same religion as them, so being non-theistic rather than a Wiccan didn't make much of a difference to them.

Answer 8

So far I've only told my brother and found out that he's an atheist too. I will tell my parents when I get around to it, although I don't see the rush.

Answer 9

Said I don't believe in the god of the bible that you believe in. It's a made up story and its bull.

The response was: I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't think its that big of a deal anymore, as it shouldn't be.

Answer 10

I told my parents because I wanted them to hear it from me. I have not told my sisters. We get along but are not close. I will tell them if the opportunity arises. I'm not going to bring it up out of the blue.