oversensitive child?

Question

I have a beautiful, intelligent 4 year old daughter. She is my only child, and truly a miracle to my husband and I. Lately, I have been concerned about her. I enrolled her in a tumbling class because I thought she would really enjoy it. It is a good program where parents can watch what is happening. It also provides only positive reinforcement, like "Nice effort!" Instead of enjoying it though, she cries, tells me she is not "good enough" or "can't do it," sits in the corner, cries and pouts at the tumbling teachers, even comes running to me. I am starting to worry that she is really oversensitive. I praise her efforts. This evening was the worst of the tumbling class. She cried and disrupted the class with her crying. The other parents even said, "Good job."
I don't want her to be insecure. My best friend said to just tell her to toughen up unless it's something serious. Tried that, didn't work. I am at my wit's end! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks so far to the answers. I should add that she does like the class a lot (States that she can't wait to go to "tumblin'."), and is good at lots of the stuff they do.
It's when she does things that are difficult like balance beam and backwards sommersaults that she pouts and cries about not being good enough.

Answer 1

Well, I think the last thing you want to do is quit the tumbling classes because that will only reinforce your child's feeling that she isn't "good enough" Keep going and you might see a change. When she runs to you, don't coddle her or soothe her, just say, "You only need to have fun trying. I know you can do that. Go back to class now". Don't over-praise her efforts either or she will become self conscious and feel like she has to "live up" to her previous effort- like a fear of success. Just say good job without going overboard.

Answer 2

First of all, You should not force her to continue if she is not happy. You could be traumatizing her.

Ask, "sweetie? Why aren't you good enough? I thought it was wonderful." A child's logic and thought process is completely different.

Have you tried practicing with her at home. You get on the floor and roll a summersault, ect. Let her understand no one is perfect at it. Maybe she doesn't like this particular class. You could try having her try ballet or maybe an art class. It could be the fact she doesn't like the tumbling. If she doens't like the class then she's taking every route she can think of not to have to do it.

If you used the fit and pull method when she was younger then she's hoping you may do this with the class as well. (Where she throws a fit in the store, you leave the store and head home immediately.)

You might want to listen and see if any other children are saying things to her. If another child made a comment about her performance...then she may have taken it to heart.

If she isn't normally around other children in that type of setting then she may not be comfortable in this particular environment. She may perfer a different type of environment.

When you're getting around to go to tumbling class is she excited? Do you have to convince her to go? Does she immediately cry when you walk in? Is there a particular part of the tumbling she hates? Have you asked her if tumbling hurts anywhere? maybe there's a small medical issue that isn't diagnosed or thought about during a normal check up.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I dont know if this will help.. but I have been in both positions. First being a dance teacher for many years... this happens all the time. So dont feel stupid or anything at all. Other thing is my five year old boy use to do this. I did classes through our parks and recreation through the city which was eight week sessions. The first class he wouldnt even go in and didnt want to do it. What I did was give it time. I let him watch for a couple classes till he was comfortable. I also talked to him over about the other kids in there having fun and doing the best they can. After a couple sessions... and now he goes in fine and loves it. It just takes time.

Also if she is an only child, which mine was at the time. Its going to be harder. Also if she isnt around other kids at home or daycare. So just keep that in mind. Or plain it isnt something she wants to do. Ask her if she would like to do something else.

Answer 4

Ok now before you read any further, just let me tell you now that I am not trying to offend you in any way...i'm just stating my experiences as I have lived them.
I, myself, am an only child and was a "miracle" baby. My parents tried for 13 years before they had me at (at the time late) late ages of 32 and 35. I was never really an oversensitive child to the extent that you are describing until I was older, but not even really that bad. I was just pretty spoiled.
Now my neice, on the other hand, is an only child to a mother who has MS so she will be her mother's only child. The child is extremely spoiled by both of her parents and has been the way that you describe your daughter ever since I have known her.
Now...with that being said....I know obviously she is a miracle to you and your husband. Every child is to their parents. Maybe you had a hard time having her, etc., but the worst thing that you can do is baby her. Let me give you an example...my mother, my WHOLE life told every single person who would listen that it took her 13 years to have me, and I was such a dream come true and she was so very proud of me, etc., etc., etc., etc. Now...what this does to your child makes them feel like they have something to live up to. If they disappoint you, that they will no long be your dream come true, they won't be proud of you, etc., and therefore become insecure. My neice is insecure because her parents have handed her everything. They "do" her homework, they don't make her have any responsibilities (even though she has a cell phone at age 11), and even if she did something wrong, they never actually disciplined her so when she started getting a LITTLE bit of negative feedback, she cried and cried and cried.
You should have a talk with your daughter. Sit her down and ask her..."Why do you get so upset at tumbling?" Let her answer and if she starts to cry, then tell her "baby, there is no reason to cry. You and Mommy are just having a conversation." Don't hug her or try to console her other than putting your hand on her leg or arm,etc., just tell her that there is no reason to cry, because there is not. If you let her cry, she won't express the real reason that she is so upset at tumbling and she will begin to learn that crying can be her way out of communication. Make sure that she really actually WANTS to do it and not something else. Make sure that she knows that she just started and no one is EVER any good at anything when they first start and that practice makes perfect. Also make sure she understands that if she at any point in time doesn't want to do it that she can let you know and that you will BE OK with that. She may feel that you are "making" her do this for whatever reason in her little mind...make sure she knows that you're not.
Like I said, I hope that I didn't offend you because I'm really not trying to, but being an only child and knowing what it's like, try and heighten her self-esteem and make sure she knows that she's human (and a KID) and we mess up and we don't always do everything perfect and that you don't expect her to do everything perfect. She may only be 4, but it's like a friend of mine's only child told his mom (my friend) at age 6....she told him that the conversation that she was having with her husband was none of his business. He asked her "well who am I supposed to talk to? I'm only ever around adults." Only kids usually are wise beyond their years. Don't underestimate your daughter. Good luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like my 7 year old who has been that way since birth.
However, around the age of your daughter we discovered that she actually has a borderline neck problem with the first spinal bone that is attached to her scull having a bit more space than the specialist would like. So first ask her if anything hurts her - as we have been advised to not do any head weight bearing excercises and hope she outgrows it as there isn't a lot we could do- but she must where a soft foam neck brace in the car in case we are ever in an accident so to protect her neck from possible damage as it could damage a nerve and put her in a wheel chair...FOR ANYONE READING THIS PLEASE BE A BETTER DRIVER YOU CAN CHANGE SOMEONES LIFE FOREVER...Oneof the things we always noticed about her that was different from other children was when a bunch of kids got comfy in the couch to watch a little kid show - the others would lean back and have their neck forward while their back was touching the back of the couch, and my daughter would always sit forward (so her back wasn't touching) and hold almost tilt her head back. This is also the age when she started to try to skip rope with friends and she'd be the only one in the group that would cry and say her neck hurts...because we found out later she looks down at the skipping rope to try and jump over it and looking down combined with the jolt of jumping combined caused her pain...so we stopped that. We also put her on pure absorbable high quality multivitamins from www.antioxidants.mypharmanex.com to ensure proper nutrients and marine omega 3 (which won international awards for its purity) where being processed into her entire body. (We also don't eat much fist and it is really great for brain function) I am confident that with combining all of these things she will be ok. She doesn't complain as much as she used to - we don't focus on it - the neckbrace in the car is so automatic now- and she is a happy confident kid, I know she is healthier as I have her scores to prove it, she is also sick less and off of her asthmatic puffers now...although we carry the emergency one with us at all times in case of emergency, I was actually never really convinced she was asthmatic. It has changed our lives in such a positive way. Wishing you all good health and knowledge as well.

Answer 6

Prepare her ahead of time that you are going to Tumbling class and tell her what you expect of her- ie listen to the teacher, do your best, keep calm. Perhaps have someone else take her and see if this makes any difference to her willingness to participate. If she really doesn't make any progress discontinue the class and find something she is interested in that will help her mix with others and develop some skills for life. All the best. I hope she is stepping out in confidence soon.

Answer 7

ahhh... poor girl. My daughter was like this for awhile. she was abit of a perfectionist. There are those two methods. The complimenting. I find that just gives them something to argue about, the child thinks that you dont' mean it. that you say it because you want to make it all better. With my daughter those compliments rarely helped. It has its moments, but when she is in victim mode... it really didnt' help my daughter. I also tried the 'suc it up babe' method. At times this will work. At other times it makes them feel bad. What works best with my daughter is just letting her feel what she is going through. I will just listen or give a hug. If I say anything at all, it will be 'that was a tough move!' or 'that WOULD be frustrating!' or 'I saw a good effort, but you are discouraged that you didnt' do better?' Acknowelging their feelings without sounding cheesy comes off better than the other ways. The other thing is, does she want this activity? Is it for you or for her? I know that I have done things for my daughter but sometimes, they are really for me..... those things rarely turn out to be things that SHE is passionate about.

Answer 8

awwwwwww poor baby, It's tough being four. We had this with one of the kids in our 4-5 age soccer at the YMCA. His parents would just tell him to get back out there.
I was thinking what if you practice with her at home? It may build her confidence when she gets to the gym. Best place to practice tumbling is on a trampoline but a few blankets on the carpet floor would work just as well.
Maybe she just isnt ready for a class yet. Not sure
gl to ya

Answer 9

If she doesn't like the class, get her out of it. It doesn't mean she's over sensitive, she's just uncomfortable with this particular situation for whatever reason. She will find her nitch. I remember when I was little, my mom put me in swimming lessons. I can't explain it really, but I HATED it!! She let me quit going. I was soooo thankful. I ended up learning to swim, and found lots of other ways to be social. Let her pick something she likes better. She will feel more confident and secure in having a choice. GL

In that case, don't let her run to you during class. Sternly look at her, and say, "no, go back to class....you're doing fine." She might be giving up to easily, and you might be able to nip it.

Answer 10

Your child is 4. Maybe she just doesn't like it. What does it matter? Take her out of tumbling and do something with her that she likes. Kids have to toughen up way before they should have to anyway. Don't make a big deal out of something that isn't going to matter. Let a few years go by and try the tumbling again.