My future mother in law is driving my fiance and I crazy. Help!?

Question

It all started soon after my fiance proposed to me. His mother all of a sudden became this obsessive control freak who felt that she had full rights to make decisions pertaining to my wedding. My future in laws have ostracized my fiance from their family, because we told them that they we were making the decisions as it is our wedding (and MY parents are paying for it). Then they told my fiance that they will not be attending the wedding and that they are no longer going to be involved in our lives. My fiance is crushed by this and his parents have manipulated their whole family into believing that my fiance "told them that he doesn't want them in our lives." This is completly untrue and I am at a loss of what to do for my fiance's sake. His whole family has abandonded him and the wedding is in in 7 months. Should we just let his family be or should we try to do something about it? Also they refuse to see me as I am "an evil person who is mentally unbalanced" oh yes and Selfish.

Answer 1

Apparently, there has been a great misunderstanding.
I would sit down and write down the things your mother in
law can help with....like party favors at the wedding;
thank you cards for after the wedding for the gifts; the
names, addresses of relatives that should be at the
wedding on his side; and other things that will include her in it. I "wouldn't" give her the list, but just ask her if she would help you with them.
I don't believe she is intentionally trying to take over....in cases like this, some mothers get over zealous....just like they do when someone has their first grandchild.
Then I would go and have a talk with her and tell her you know she wants to help you have the best wedding possible....but, that you have ideas that you definitely always wanted for your own wedding.

If this isn't cleared up now, you will continue to have
problems throughout your marriage. It is sad but true,
that when you marry someone...you also marry their whole
family. (this is especially true with a family that is close
knit) Right now your future husband is torn both ways and
he will have to make a choice between you and those
he grew up with and this isn't right.

If they say they don't want to see you, then ask your
husband to call and tell them you are going to see them
and get this resolved as it is a misunderstanding on their
part.

I feel bad that you have to go through this so close to your
wedding. Hard feelings always develop with things like
this. The sooner they are taken care of, the faster they
will be forgotten and everyone can move on from it all.

Congratulation on your future wedding and I hope things
turn out the best for both of you.

Answer 2

A wedding should be a family affair. It sounds like you ostracized his family by not including them in the wedding plans.

It is very difficult for the groom's parents when they are treated like no more than invited guests. They are someone special in the wedding process too.

Who cares who pays for it. You should find SOME way to include them. Your future mother-in-law probably just wants to be useful. All to often they are left completely out of the loop. How would you feel someday if you have a son that gets married?

YES!!!! You should try and work things out!!!

Answer 3

I am sorry for what you both are going through. A wedding is suppose to be a happy event and bring 2 families together. Sad enough some people don't get it that it's not all about them. Your parents are paying yet, your in laws want control.
I think your mother in law is a very sick woman to do such a hurt full thing to her son. She should be embarrassed. Also, what's the problem with the rest of his family, what did he do to them or are they all crazy?

The best advise I can give you not only applies to your wedding but for your marriage. Issues with your family, you deal with it not him.. Issues with his family, he deals with it not you.

Your fiancee needs to speak to his family with out you there or his mother. He needs to ask what is it that he did to lead them to believe that he dose not want them in his life. I would not beg however he should be clear on his feelings. After he state his case he needs to send an invitation to all and let them respond. As far as his mother goes he needs to talk to her, I think cutting her son out of her life is a bit extreme, unless this is his punishment for marring you and she thinks he will back out of the wedding.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy life together. I am sure your wedding will be beautiful and hope you don't let the crazy ness
effect your day.

Answer 4

I dont think this will get better. They are controlling and manipulating and your fiance will be quite miserable. I suggest that you put a hold on your wedding until your fiance regains his composure and clearly declares to you what he plans to do about his family. Be really careful since sometimes what they say is not what they do. I am telling you that you are a victim here and your fiance may not be strong enough to deal. It takes a hugely strong person to cut off family so that is why I am saying to cancel or postpone until he is stable. ( meanwhile realize that they are nuts-could it be genetic? If so you need to pause here ) so sorry but dont talk about them to him or to anyone else. You cannot argue with persons like that since they twist your words. Let them dig their own graves so to speak but slandering you and all will know its not true. Someone needs to give them an wedding etiquette book or say if you plan, you pay

Answer 5

When we got married, we wanted a folk wedding in a folk pub. Our families would not hear of it. They wanted a church wedding. We finally caved and had a church wedding. But.... neither set of parents approved of our choice of spouses. (we were both 25 yr old, same race, same religion, education, core values etc). My parents haven't spoken to us since the wedding. Her parents fought with us till the day they died. If we had it to do all over again, we would have the folk wedding. Have the wedding you want and the families will do what they want. Just be prepared for any outcome. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

Nothing happens all of a sudden, nobody suddenly becomes obsessive.
Be an adult and act as such, take the initiative and invite your in laws to have a conversation and clear the air, assure them that you want them at your wedding, and yes, in your life and spell the rules.
Let them vent and listen if you can.
If you can not, then you better think about it right now.

Answer 7

Better get it taken care of now because once you get married and have kids it will be even worse. Some people are just like that and want to control everything.