Why is it so difficult for me to meet a decent guy?

Question

I don't get it.

I am in college-- am involved in several activities, pretty sociable, and yet... all the guys are fleeing to the girls who give it up after 2 words.

I don't drink, so I miss out on that aspect, but I would figure that would benefit me more because I won't have to deal with some of the arrogant and annoying people who don't have aspirations. And I am not saying that all guys are like this, but majority that I've met have been this way.

I know I won't sell myself short for that crap, but seriously, where are the real men at? Am I missing a key element that guys look for?

Answer 1

plaid_star,

The problem that you allude to is unfortunately not an uncommon one. Decent women have this problem constantly. I don't know that you may totally like the answer that I am going give you.

Most of the problem, in seeking relationships, we focus on the wrong type of person or guy. We all have a tendency to first see someone for how they look. That is the first thing you see, it takes only seconds to assess appearance, but to get to know the person takes time.

As each of us in an individual, with our own wants and desires, fears, loves, interests, and the myrid things that make us who we are. We need to remember too, that what we are looking for in a mate is just as unique.

To find that person, we have to sort thorough many people to find someone of interest, Of those people of interest, many may not find us attractive or what is right for them. Of those even fewer that are interesting to us, and we are interesting to them, only a few of those will work out.

Some people believe that for each of us, there is ONLY one perfect love. The truth is that this is a myth. For each of us there are 1000's of persons whom we could form a lasting relationship with.

One of the problem with College is that so many people throw caution to the wind. Guys especially (not all though) see it as a time to notch their belts, get drunk and go wild. College is for most the first real time of freedom. A time when we are away from our parents and totally on our own. There are many excesses, and many failures. Something like 25% of those entering college drop out in the first year. It is a time of rapid and often drastic change.

Keeping this in mind, the best thing to do is not drink and not make yourself too available. Most of the the guys that drink, making a lasting relationships is not a priority.

By the time you get to be a senior, or even better, after you graduate, and get into your chosen career, you will be much better prepared to make a lasting relationship. The reasons for this are many:

Most college graduates have matured quite a bit. They have chosen a field and pursued it. They have demonstrated the maturity to finish the 4 years of college and move on.

They are at a point in their life where finding a lasting relationship now becomes a priority. They are willing to devote the time to doing it correctly.

As college graduates, they do not have to struggle as a poverty level student anymore and as a result, have more resources.

Lastly, you are more likely to find someone with similar interests after you have entered your chosen field of work. You and he will both have more maturity, and education and are more likely to have a lasting relationship.

It can be tough to find a "real man" in college. part of the reason is that they are the ones with their noses in a book, making a serious effort to study and get ahead. The have moved past the endless nights of drunken debauchery and are devoting themselves to self improvement, not self indulgence.

Most of them are not are not going to be Mr. Popular or Mr. "I should be a model." They are decent people who might not otherwise get noticed, but they are there.

Stick to your morals. Don't compromise. You deserve the best and you are going to have to mine a lot of ore to find a nugget of gold! He is there somewhere.

In my case, I went to Nursing school and graduated with a bachelors degree in my 30's. I had been married before and had many problems. I met the man of my dreams after entering the health care field, and it took several years even then, but it did happen and I have no regrets!

Best of luck, and don't settle for second best!

Answer 2

I am in my senior year of high school, and I've never been in a relationship. It's not like I've never had a crush, I was either too shy to make things happen; or turn down every other guy that showed interest.

The problem with me, I think is that I'm too picky. Even when a guy first seem to be decent, I'd push him away when I find out he likes me, just because I'd start picking out his short-comings. It sounds pathetic, but I just want my first boyfriend to be perfect - the problem is, there IS nobody's who's perfect.

My advice is, if you are being picky, give the guy a chance. Just as long as he doesn't piss you off or anything, give him a chance. A guy who is good enough to be a friend is good enough to be a lover.

Good luck finding prince charming!

Answer 3

It is difficult to meet a decent man in today's society no matter where you go, but not impossible. Pray about it and try to find arenas which offer opportunities to meet men. Study and worry about your grades. Pursue your interests and let the worry evaporate. Work on you and toward your future. Perhaps Mr. Right will find you but if he doesn't right away you'll be educated, disease free and happy. I felt like you feel and now have been married for 5 years. It will happen when it is time to happen.

Answer 4

Well I drink and I consider myself a good guy.

Although, I dont seem to get women coming to me either lol.

I think it would have to be more of a team work effort if you're looking for someone.

No you dont have to give yourself up to get a guy to like you either. I can admit most guys will sit and wonder what sex would be like with certain girls. Thats cause most men can be pigs at times.

Why not go look for a shy guy? Someone who isnt that social? Not really a nerd lol, but maybe you are looking in the wrong areas for men?

Go to the library? lol! I dunno, I'm sure there will be some attracted guys that seem shy. You never know! =)

Answer 5

you are in college, 99% of the guys you know are not ready to settle down, they want the drunk party girl. In a few years most of the good guys will have that out of their systems, give it time and have fun already.

Answer 6

Perhaps your looking in the wrong places. I always tell girls in your situation to look at the guys you might normally consider nerds. They might not have a six pack and smokin' guns, but they can be some very sweet and romantic guys. I used to be one of them.

-S-

Answer 7

Honey, you'll meet someone one day that you'll never be able to let go. Maybe you should connect with guys more instead of trying to get them to come to you.. it'll really help!

Answer 8

Its hard too because men suck. But either one will come to you when you least expect it, or you gotta change a guy, which is hard. Or turn lesbian.Girls are the same too tho. Just wait it out.

Answer 9

I know that its hard . But most people at your age aren't
looking for a serious relationship. But when you stop looking
for him there he'll be .

Answer 10

Coz they don't exist in this universe.You are not the problem, the guys are.BASICALLY...NATURE DRIVES THEM (Thats what's in their pants, its all they can think about)....they just want to sow their seed...and spread themslves around...a bit like manure, but with more cr*p piling up around their feet...and we have to shovel it up after them.