My friend is attracted to pedophiles! Help?

Question

I have a dear friend whom I care very much for, but has a certain aspect of herself that I cannot stand; She always date men older than her. And when i mean "old", I mean REALLY OLD, like... in their 30's and such. She recently broke up with one of her boyfriend, who is 36 years olf, thank the lords, but I'm afraid she'll do it again. Her parents are divorced and I keep thinking she's "attracted" of older men because she doesn't have a father figure in her life. She has a dad, but her dad is an alcoholic and quite abusive, or so she says to me. I personally met her father and he seems nice... So I guess he's abusive to her in secret? I don't know, but is there a coined term for attraction of older people? And if there is, what's it called? Can it be treated/cured?

My friend is 15. Quite the young sweetheart.

Answer 1

how old is she.... can you contact someone in school? pastor/rabbi even if she has a grandma/aunt does she realize if the cops catch her w/ this guy he'll get arrested and sent to prison and she'll probably end up in foster care you're a good friend to try to intervene what about your parents

Answer 2

assuming she is under 18 you should report it but if she is over 18 oh well. Is her dad sexually abusive to her? And I am 36 and I am not old. So based on that I guess your 15 give or take. But there is something wrong if a guy my age is going near 15 year olds. No offense your probably hot but its just a loser thing to do. And as far as secret abuse it happens and no one would ever expect it cause they are such nice people. I wouldn't let that fool you. I just wouldn't be surprised if she is getting sexually abused by dad. Be very careful of course hes gonna be nice to you. Be her friend though and when she is down be there for her and remember she may only feel that she needs help when she is down and the rest of the time she would never think it, thats denial. I think the term maybe Oedipus complex. If shes 12 or 13 thats worse. I would like to know who this guy is and how old she is. What part of the globe you live you can tell his name but if she is 18 I don't care. And your friend can get help and be treated if she is being abused but there is no effective treatment that will stop someone from being a ped but they supposedly learn to control it (yeah right). I see hot 16 yr olds but I don't feel any need to approach them or anything I just look and usually there just very developed 16 yr olds that look older it happens but to look at a 12 year old is odd. BUT be careful of her dad. Avoid her house. I just say it for your sake and I hope Im wrong. Does any one else get that impression? just be careful of what you say and who you say it to. It is a terrible accusation to make and could ruin a good persons life. I would rather be accused of murder. And are you sure she was really going out with a 36 year old and not just teling stories to maybe impress you. Your question leaves a lot of questions.

Answer 3

I believe I would find a new friend and dump that one immediately. Sorry, but if someone is doing something ILLEGAL... I don't believe I would call her a "dear friend".

How old is your friend? I can tell you both must be very, very young to be thinking that someone in their 30's is really OLD. LOL I am 34 years old.

I'm guessing that you are both under the age of 18 which would most definitely make your friend's boyfriends a pedophile...and that is nasty.

You need to find a new circle of friends.

Answer 4

First off, you don't give your friend's or your own ages, but I hardly think 30's are old. And as you get older, you won't think so, either. I think you're absolutely correct about the father figure scenario. If your friend is over 18, who she chooses as friend, as lover, as mate or as husband is between her and the gentleman, and is TRULY none of your business at all. My best relationships have always been with older men, and my sister's as well. At the moment, your viewpoint seems extremely limited, extremely judgemental, and extremely young to me. There is a HUGE difference between a pedophile and a man who likes the company of younger women. Figure that out, please, and quickly. If your friend is attracted to true pedophiles, then yes, there's a huge problem there that must be dealt w/ immediately. If it's just a case of a man in his 30's liking a younger woman, where's the problem?

Answer 5

There is no answer to this question. You haven't provided the age of your friend or if they were sexually active. If she is under the legal age to consent to sex it's obviously a crime. Check with the laws because ages and circumstances vary. If the age difference is what is bothering you then that's an issue you have to deal with. Being in you 30's doesn't make you a pedophile. Watch what you call people untill you know everything.

Answer 6

You didn't say how old your friend is but she may be looking for a father figure. If she is underage then there could be serious consequenses. Statutory rape come to mind for one. All you can do is try to give her advice. You can't make her take it. If you feel like she is in harm's way then try to talk to your parents or some adult that you trust. Good luck!

Answer 7

Not in one place in your paragraph did you say any of these old men are pedophiles. There could be multiple reasons that your friend dates older men. Money, sex (I hope not), and the thrill of the date. There is a word for what is going on here and it is statutory rape. You need to inform someone in this girls life that this is going on. It needs to stop before she finds herself dead in a ditch somewhere. You are kind to care so much. Try to get an adult to intervene before it is to late.

Answer 8

She evidently likes father figures. How old is your friend? If she is of legal age, you can do nothing for her except talk to her and ask her to go to counseling. If she is a minor, then report her and a new boy friend to the police.

Answer 9

You're friend needs to see someone(therapist) about this and the guys she's seeing need to be arrested(tell a school official or call the police). It probably is an issue with her father, but i'm not a trained professional. Try and get your friend help, but if she won't help herself there isn't much you can do.

Answer 10

So these men aren't pedophiles by definition, as in stalking children to molest? Unless your friend is 14 or something... you didn't say.

She's probably looking to replace a father-figure in her life. It's a shame, really. See if you can get her into some kind of counseling so she can see why she does this and how to stop.