I was reading this article awhile back, and a relationship therapist said sometimes during dating women withhold sex hoping it will make the relationship more serious and cemented, when in fact men are able to form closer bonds if sex is present in the relationship. (She did not advocate jumping into bed right away, simply when the people felt ready). However, I know a lot of women hold out longer than they want to to prove they are "good girls".
According to that article it is the wrong thing to do- actually becoming intimate when both are ready to, without worrying about society's judgment on the situation cements the relationship more and makes a man feel closer to you.
Do you think that that is true? I find for myself, I have a hard time waiting very long to become intimate anyway, since sex is an important part of the relationship aspect for me, and I need to find out if I will be sexually compatible with the person...
2007-11-06 11:31:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm female, just to clarify.
2007-11-06 11:37:16 · update #1
I'm not asking for myself, since I do things on my own time-line anyway, not somebody else's. I was just curious how other people approached the situation, and whether that bit of information was true in practice.
2007-11-06 11:43:43 · update #2
I think artificial rules are both dumb and numbing ot a relationship. Women should stop listening to arbitrary rules and listen instead to their heart. The right time should not be measured in days or weeks or months but in heartbeats. Not a second before you feel right about it. And remember that the warm-up and the overture and the tease are important parts. Don't let him skip over the preliminary parts of the relationship.
But do not withhold sex because of some egghead who writes a book (different from the book you mentioned) AFTER THE TIME YOU FEEL IT IS RIGHT.
Don't rush it. Don't let him rush you. But also don't let some egghead tell you what to do, either.
As long as you have not skipped any steps, and the entire relationship is developing on all fronts, FOR SURE sex will bring a guy and a girl closer together.
But all aspects of sex, including the run up to it, should be exploring a wonderful land together, not a race to the finish line. It brings a guy and a girl closer if they approach it as an adventure exploring each other and each other's feelings, not a job that has to get done by closing time.
2007-11-06 12:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's best to wait if your wanting a long term relationship. Guys only bond more sexually when sex is present. If he can't have a good emotional bond without it then what makes anyone think sex isn't clouding the judgment? Oh yeah that's because it always does. The average girl will stay in a bad relationship longer because of the sexual bond and so do guys. Friends with benefits often fall for each other regrettably also.
Personally I think waiting is best but that is just because it is the only way to know if a guy wants you just for sex or not. Don't listen to words because we are all good at being mind ninjas and lying to the point women actually think the guy cares about them just so they can get sex. And yeah they can wait a long time. Of course most girls can't comprehend it so they choose not to believe it. Personally in my opinion, 2-3 months waiting is long enough.
But if all your looking for is a sexual relationship do what you want.
2007-11-06 19:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by multione88 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The therapist has it right, but notice the words: "when both are ready". That is key. To some extent waiting until both are ready allows other aspects of the relationship to be explored and built up. Sex in a relationship is part of a relationship, but not all of it. If sex is "first" and the rest is secondary, then you may find it hard to make the relationship last. At the right place and time, it does cement the relationship.
2007-11-06 19:35:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is important.. personally, it's how i feel loved, not the sex but the touching part.
To be honest, i would wait, though.. because if you have sex too often, it get's boring, unless you are good at adding stuff
just take your time.. if it happens, it will happen.
2007-11-06 19:39:34 · answer #4 · answered by blue_eyed_mikey1980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel that it is whenever you feel ready. dont hold out just to hold out. Guys dont increase their respect the longer you wait. yes they respect you more if you wait but after a certain point you have proved you dont just jump into bed and all you are doing is frustrating yourself and him
2007-11-06 19:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by avalon552 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I read a lot.. and have read this too.. so yes i agree...
it just concerns me when you are being intimate with a guy and he NEVER is on top.. because its natural for a guy to get too emotionally connected with a girl if he is on top... so just beware if you notice that a guy does this with you.. (is never on top)
2007-11-06 19:37:14 · answer #6 · answered by aces 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it depends i guess on a case-to-case basis, if you think its an important aspect of a relationship then go ahead, if the person is also on the same level with you.
2007-11-06 19:36:34 · answer #7 · answered by Krizia ^_^ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its better to wait so you have something beautiful to look forward to with a person you love :]
2007-11-06 19:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by kmh2179 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋