I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old. My dad is from a Ukrainian/Canadian farm family, so I was always smaller than everyone else. The old man always insisted that I get an education, and I was the first person in the family to convocate from university, much less graduate from high school. Most of my relatives are boilermakers, and when I was going through university, I did concrete work with my dad. He's told lots of folks that I was the best worker he ever had. I'm 37, and every decision I've made in my life was wrong, according to him, from where I was going to work (I'm a teacher), to which place I was going to rent. My wife and I have 3 sons, and he told us that we should abort each one, because we weren't ready for them. How do I deal with this man? I love him and respect him, but all I ever get from him is negativity!
2007-11-06 10:23:00 · 16 answers · asked by neil k 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
to the tissue folks, why did you bother writing, zipperheads?
2007-11-06 10:34:02 · update #1
Oh gosh! He sounds like my mom - she's the same way, everything I do & choose is WRONG - It's maddening.
At the end of the day, you have to make the desicions that are right for you and if you Dad can't understand that tell him.
Also, let him know that he may not be able to have such a prominent place in your life, because his behavior causes you to be unhappy.
It not easy cutting your life away from you parents, but sometimes, it has to be done.
Good Luck! :o)
2007-11-06 10:30:28 · answer #1 · answered by this_girl_loves_the_80s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you love these kids and your wife. I know it may be hard, but everyone has their own destiny, because they make it with their own hands. Question yourself. If you didnt like your wife, then you would not have three children. If you did not like children, then you would of never went through it with your wife. Its your life and not his. Even though he is your "dad," it does not give him the right to craft your destiny. You are a grown man and should be making your own life choices now, not his. I know it must be hard to fight, but if you truly love your kids, you need to let him know that and do not believe what he says is right. Sure, he may say stuff like, "I guess I raised you wrong..." or "I should of never kept' ya." but this is your life and you are following your heart. Give into him and you will lose the things in life which makes you happy. Fight against your obsticle and your road to destiny will be clear. RIght now, he is trying to contain your fate with his own hands, making you a slave to his desires, but you made the choices so far in life while avoiding his set fate, so why stop now? Battle him for your rights and tell him that you still love him yet you are old enough to make your own choices, follow your heart, and set the path of which you are currently on. Tell him that you are glad to have had him in your life, but you need to decied the rest of your life on your own. Remember, there are no second chances (unless you are God, some time-traveler, someone repeating the days over and over again, or have a remote that can change your life, lol) so go for it!
2007-11-06 10:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by lokuri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off all ignore the negative attitudes of some of the ones who think they are smart when they give negatives attitudes. Here's my answer, was your dad the one who wanted to adopt you? have you talked to your Mom, about that? Was there a loving relationship between you and the rest of the family? Also, have you had a talk with your Dad and told him why he treats you this way, was it because he adopted you and he felt you were not worthy of his Love? which he did not have to do, because you did not twisted his Arm to do it.For starters no one has the right to meddle in you and your family's affairs, not even your dad, whatever he said about your Kids you should ignore and you also should have said that you wanted to have Kids to Love, and care for them. Also, why have you put up with him for this long, if he had been my Dad, I would have gone and Lived as far away as Alaska, so he would not be able to Butt in, in our affairs.Good luck to you and your Family, Dad's like this one are a Dime a Dozen if they do not appreciate the Son, God sent their way, than he does not deserve seeing your Family grow up. His Loss. I hope you will be able to think about what I wrote and will be able to make a decision, for your family's sake.
2007-11-06 11:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that your father has some jealousy towards you. You have done VERY well for yourself, more than anyone else in your family - so I can sense some jealousy.
Also... I know it is hard to hear anything negative from your family, let alone your father who you admire and love... but how could he want you to abort your own children? I think that if he continues to be negative towards you and your family, then maybe you should try keeping a little distance from him.
Keep your head up, from where you began and what you've accomplished in your life how could anyone not be proud of you?
2007-11-06 10:41:24 · answer #4 · answered by Tabby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id Try Getting Him Gifts Like Fishing rods If He Fishes Or What Ever His Hobby Is. thats What I Did And Now I Get Tones Of Non Negitivity
2007-11-06 10:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to talk to him again and let him know how you feel and how he makes you feel. You're no longer a child and you have the ability to handle this responsibly. Don't let him make your new family (wife and kids) go through what you did. If all else fails, sut off contact with him and make him change if he wishes to stay in touch with you and your family. (It's time to think of your wife and kids first, before him)
Sometimes tough love works, sometimes it doesn't
Goodluck
2007-11-06 10:29:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was nearly adopted as well, their is a saying in psychology that people who try to control others normally lack control over their own lives and this is often the case.
I hate people telling me what to do. I had a bossy boyfriend once and i had to finish with him.
You will have to tell him straight you cannot stand it. To concentrate on his own life not yours. Maybe he is a sad lonely person who does not have a life. you can see them of him or ignore him when he says things or just say its my life i am an adult.
2007-11-06 10:35:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what makes YOU happy. I don't like dads anyway. How can you respect someone that wants you to keep aborting your offspring? He might mean well, but he is a control freak. How can you respect someone like that? wouldn't take me but a second to tell him to keep his big oversized nose out of my business.
2007-11-06 10:33:04 · answer #8 · answered by cprucka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are doing ok to me!Be proud of your achievements and take no notice. It sounds like jealousy to me.I had a mother the same and it hurts I know,but if you ignore it,he cannot hurt you, just feel sorry for him as it is his loss in the end.
2007-11-06 10:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should show him what you wrote
as a minor , his descisions for your were probably for your own good or had good intentions but you need to let him know that you are a man now and can make descisions on your own
prove to him that what you are doing is right
if you have to , prove to be more sucessful then him, be an overachiever
kinda harsh...but i think it would worl
2007-11-06 10:29:44 · answer #10 · answered by Savy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋