My son is 4 and is going through a hitting phase. He hits me i'd say about 5x a day average. And he hits hard...he has bruised me on more than one occasion. He doesn't see violence, at least what i can shelter him from...no one in the home hits, and he isnt cared for outside the home at all. I have tried hitting back, but it just doesnt seem appropriate to hit him back while saying don't hit. I have taken his toys away (this is easy since even though he has many toys, only really plays with 2 favorites, so its a very effective punishment to take them away), but thats generally when the hitting occurs. If he is disobeying me, i give him 2 warnings and then he gets punished, wether its timeout or taking toys away. He hits as soon as i say he is going to be punished. I have had to on more than one occasion physically restrain him on the floor to prevent him from attacking me. He gets a lot of positive attenttion...i just dont know what to do about this...any ideas?
2007-11-06 10:07:34 · 11 answers · asked by Jessica 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
forget the warnings just go right to the punishing and dont let him push u around he has to know whos boss
2007-11-06 10:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by bkvaluemenu1 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Why do you think he has been acting up? Are there any new changes in his life (new baby, move, new school, family issues)? If there are, he could be doing so to gain some attention (though it may be negative) and to feel powerful. He may need a little extra love and support.
Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best when disciplining children because they make the most sense to a child. Taking away a toy when he hits you is not a fitting consequence, so he is continuing to do so. A fitting consequence is that you don’t want to be near him if he is choosing to hit. No warnings! Set a firm limit with him. “You may not hit me.” If he does, instead of taking away things from him when he hits you try this: When he hits tell him “Don’t hit me! That hurts! I don’t want to be with you when you hurt me.” Put him in a quiet area away from you (his room, the couch) or walk away from him. Tell him “When you are ready to be gentle and stop hurting mommy we can be together.” This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. Thank him when he is gentle.
He is feeling powerful when he hurts you. Help him to feel powerful by saying things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You can run super fast! You used so many colors on that picture! You did that by yourself!"). These phrases are great confidence builders and will help him to feel powerful in a positive way.
I would also empathize with him after a hitting incident. "You must have felt very (angry, mad, hurt, frustrated) when you hit me. What can you do next time instead?" Do some problem solving with him to give him some ideas. He should soon learn to express his feelings rather than hit.
Hope this helps and that you find some peace soon!
2007-11-06 20:31:35 · answer #2 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My grandson just turned four and is also going through the hitting phase. Since I am not strong enough to haul him off to timeout, the thing that has worked for me is to immediately leave and go into the bathroom and lock the door. He does NOT like it when I do this, and when I come out I tell him that it hurts when he hits me, I don't like that, and make him say he's sorry. Obviously, this does NOT work if we're out in public but so long as it is safe to do so, I walk away from him as though to leave.
I would also suggest that if you are sure that he knows the rule that he is disobeying, you stop giving him two warnings. Giving him advance warning you're going to enforce the rule on the third breaking gives him a chance to build up anger. The very first time he breaks a known rule, grab him by the shoulders and hustle him quickly into his room while stating the rule (no kicking the cat) and shut the door on him. Let him out in a few minutes IF he is not yelling and screaming.
I agree with you, hitting him for hitting doesn't work.
2007-11-06 18:36:25 · answer #3 · answered by crowepps 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time out!!!
Make him sit in the corner until he stops disobeying. And absolutely, under no circumstances, should he have any warnings when it comes to hitting. If he disobeys and you give him a warning, and then he hits you for the warning, you need to immediately (and with conviction) stand up, pick him up, and put him in the corner.
It needs to be VERY clear that hitting is not acceptable. Just telling him that it's not okay is apparently not doing the trick.
Once you have him in the time out spot, you must proceed with the rest of your day and ignore him during the time out. If he steps out of the time out spot, then you have to put him back and start the time out again from the beginning. Don't let him wander away...Don't let him get your attention and start a conversation...Don't let him throw a tantrum while he's supposed to be contemplating what he did wrong. These negate the time out completely.
If you need to, go out and get one of those harnesses that's made for toting your kid around at the mall...attach it firmly to the wall and strap him in, if he has to be physically restrained.
Kids only do what works. If this no longer works for him, he'll stop doing it.
2007-11-06 18:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget the warnings. He is old enough to know the rules. When he misbehaves, pop the butt without saying a word, and walk away. Don't reason with him, bargain with him, or yell at him. Do not give him multiple warnings and such, it's an attention ploy. Forget time outs and threats, they just don't work. He's testing his limits, and wants to see just how far he can push you. Show him you can't be pushed, you're the mom. Get tough sweetie, he'll be 15 and bigger than you before you know it.
Here's a great site with lots of practical advice. You can also order the book mentioned above (which is an AWESOME addition to your library) http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/
2007-11-06 19:26:21 · answer #5 · answered by shojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not recommend the warnings, either. He knows when he does it that it is wrong. I would also ask his pediatrician if he needs to see a behavioral specialist. Five times a day is a lot to hit and especially when it is hard enough to bruise. There may be other issues there. My kids get soap in their mouths and they have to sit on a step with it on their tongues for several minutes.
2007-11-06 19:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop giving warnings and parent the little one
To Train Up a Child
Michael and Debi Pearl
online
My children do not hit, and never have had a tantrum....we are usually happy and easy going as a family...we homeschool too
2007-11-06 18:56:29 · answer #7 · answered by just duky 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im also going through this with my 4 yr old boy. I hold his hand and tell him You dont hit mommy , mommy dosent like that. He calms down and tells me hes sorry.
2007-11-06 18:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by amanda r 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Light spanking on the bottom only. Tell him "You don't hit mommy."
2007-11-06 18:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by IAskUAnswer 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
hit him back but hard so he knows how bad it hurts
2007-11-06 18:49:21 · answer #10 · answered by bumbee14 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋