Should I go out with someone I don't fancy and hope they grow on me?

Question

I've been on a date with a guy. I don't really feel anything for him but he's kind and nice. I'm fairly picky and I've only ever gone out with people I really like in the past. Also my best friend of 5 years fancies me but I'm not attracted to him either. Am i just being fussy? Should I carry on dating the guy, or start dating my friend and hope that I start to love them after a few months?

How many of you are going out with someone you weren't attracted to at first and if so how long did it take for you to be attracted to them?

Answer 1

No. That would be a bloody waste of time.

Answer 2

There has to be some kind of strong initial attraction. Remember, the first date or two builds a foundation for what could later become something much stronger. If it is an unstable foundation built with insecurities about whether or not you really like them, then when it gets farther down the road, you will just end up having your relationship crumble.

Don't commit to anything real serious yet. Maybe give him one or two more dates if you feel willing, but don't get real serious unless you know that there is more than what you think between the two of you.

Oh, and you should be at least somewhat fussy when it comes to who you are in a relationship with. I really know that from experience. If you aren't happy in a relationship, then it isn't going to get better unless it is something minor...When it comes to *your* life and who you decide to be with, you need to find someone who makes you feel happy and triggers a spark. And, I have been in relationships where I wasn't attracted to them at first and it only got worse after a few months. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

After a bad end to a 6 year relationship, my ego was really hurting and I thought I'd never find anyone else that I felt that strongly about again. A guy contacted me through MySpace expressing an interest in getting to know me better, and I knew right away that I was not attracted to him and never would be. Still, having never been much of a dater, and still hurting from the rejection of my last relationship, I decided to give it a try in the hopes that he would grow on me. I told him flat out, from the beginning, that I was not attracted to him and did not expect to ever be attracted to him. He said that was fine with him. We dated for about two months, and rather than him growing on me, he repulsed me more and more every day. In the end, he got hurt because he developed feelings for me and I couldn't stand to be around him anymore.

The point is this: Sometimes friendships can grow into relationships, but rarely can a dislike or disinterest in someone turn into that kind of passion or attraction you're looking for. It's either there or it's not.

My opinion is that it would be a mistake to date either of them. Hold out for something better, and it'll come in it's own time!

Answer 4

I would give it a try! Why not? I wouldn't not date my friend though. You already know him well enough because he is your friend already and you are saying flat out that you're not attracted to him. BUT this new guy? It seems like you've only been out with him once. It was sort of like that with my boyfriend. When I met him, I liked him, but then I went out with him and really didn't like him at all, I thought he was arrogant. But he kept pursing me so I gave it another try or two...and three years later we're still together! He did "grow" on me. And I took the time to understand him and his insecurities. Now we're the best of friends and a couple. I say give it a few more times and see what happens!

Answer 5

I had a boyfriend of three and a half years who I wasn't attracted to at first. I don't know if I became attracted to him really, but I grew to love him very much and we are still good friends. I went out with someone else for a year and a half who I didn't fancy, for similar reasons: he liked me, I thought I'd see what it was like and sort of ended up in a long term relationship. That one makes me feel sick now whenever i think of it, i think what a waste of time, i just wasn't into him at all. I think it is good to go out casually with people you dont find that attractive at first to see if you could like them, to give them a chance. But then if you are likely to hurt them because they really like you, it isn't a good idea. Why not wait for the ones that make your heart do somersaults and you spine tingle just from thinking about them? I finally got a boyfriend who does that for me and I couldn't believe what I'd missed out on all those years!

Answer 6

The short answer: Absolutely not. The longer version: The main ingredient of a romantic relationship is passion. If it's not there, it's not there. It comes down to pheramones and you will eventually find someone who sends your heart aflutter and makes you weak in the knees. Don't "settle" out of loneliness or boredom. You aren't being picky, you just haven't found the spark with anyone.

Answer 7

My instinct says don't go out with him, or just hang out with him as a friend.
I am dating my boyfriend for more than a year now and it was the same for me. I met him online. He was fantastic through email, but I was not automatically attracted to him at the beginning. I love him, he is kind and understanding, but I still can't stop looking at other man, flirting and imagining what if.....

If you can live that way, go for the guy, but if you want Mr. Perfect, don't waiste your time.

Answer 8

I know several women that have eventually grown more and more affectionate toward a person; the more they got to know him.

With men, it doesn't work like that. If a man isn't attracted to a woman initially; it will never be there. Slight overstatement; in rare cases certain woman can lose a ton weight, change physically etc. But in most cases it isn't going to happen.

Answer 9

i just answered a question on that same subject one of the best lovers i ever had started as friends and her personality and smile won me over and we dated for 6 and 1/2 years so yes it can happen but go out and see don't destroy somethiong before it has a chance to flourish

Answer 10

No. Odds are if you don't like him now, you most likely never will. And don't date your friend either. If you've known him for 5 years and don't feel anything for him, you probably never will. Wait until you find someone that you really click with, even if it takes years, it will be worth it.

Answer 11

I had this friend awhile back who liked me. I guess he really liked me a lot, and everyone knew about it, but me. He asked out somewhere and I’d said yes at first only because I didn't want to hurt his feelings because even though I wasn’t attracted to him, he was still my friend and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be disappointed.

Anyway, after we'd gone out, I got the feeling that he just wanted to be around me all the time. Maybe that wasn't really it but I felt like he was everywhere I was. It eventually began to bother me. A lot.

It got to the point where I began to honest to God, hate him. Like I just didn't want to be around him at all. Because I didn't like him and the fact that I had to pretend made me feel so guilty that I couldn't stand it.

I told him I didn't like him eventually and he was hurt but there wasn't anything I could do. I didn't want to be annoyed with him to the point that I couldn’t stand to be around him. For what it was worth, I did like him, but only as a friend and I told him so. We’re not as close as we used to be but he’ll talk to me every now as then.

My point is, if you don’t like him, break up with him. You’ll eventually reach some tower point and it’s better to calmly do it then to flip out like I did. Tell your friend of 5-years that too, you won't ruin anything that way. Don't go out with your friend just as an experiment, that's the same as playing with his feelings and if you cared about him at all you wouldn’t do that.

I know that's a little hypocritical in me saying, but I know my mistake now.

Just do it and get it over with and life will get a little bit easier.