My husband does not support me often when dealing with our sons who are 17 & 18. He actually feels that they have equal rights when a situation occurs. If they stay out all night he won't tell them to knock it off. If I do, they just ignore me. This is just one example. I feel he has undermined my authority and they don't have respect for me. I believe while they live here they are accountable to us. It seems he wants to be their friend which I disagree with. His father died when he was 14 so he was deprived of his father early. I think that may be why he doesn't "parent" them at times. If I feel strongly about certain issues, shouldn't he back me? I'm not trying to control them, but I feel that it is a matter of respect for them to behave in an appropriate manner while they live here. Not come home drunk, (has happened a couple of times), not blow me off when I ask them to do a chore, that type of thing. Am I wrong to be angry at my husband?
2007-11-06 08:33:43 · 9 answers · asked by Chloe 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Give and take is required by all involved.
Your boys are not kids anymore and you may need to rethink how you view them. It is certainly not unreasonable for you to expect certain rules to be obeyed, the thing is (and I hate to say it) a four way negotation is needed. I understand your husband wanting to switch from dad to mate and that can work but you have to make sure the kids don't take advantage of that.
You need to discuss this whole issue with your husband first, he must understand you need his support but you may need to let go the reigns a little too.
It is not acceptable for them to come home drunk, stick to your guns over that but be prepared to give something in return.
You must demonstrate the give and take and so must they.
You and your husband must both see that you are not doing them (or yourselves) any favours.
Remember, you alone have limited power unless your husband backs you up. Don't go head to head with him, recruit him as an ally and point out that the boys still need rules, we all do. You have both got your boys to this point and you've done it together, and together you need to find a solution.
Final answer (for me) has to be, shape up or ship out. Don't expect angels, not at that age but respect and consideration for others must prevail.
Give and take
Good luck!!
2007-11-06 08:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Black Sapphire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to want your husband to act like a man and a father. He thinks that it is alright for them to come home drunk? What is he going to do when they do not make it home because they drove drunk? I would tell him to grow up. Has your whole marriage been like this with him and the kids? I feel for you if it was. Good luck.
2007-11-06 08:43:26 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is undermining your authority. You need to have a frank chat with him regarding what is appropriate behavior for your sons. Try to compromise a little.
2007-11-06 08:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok it makes me wonder if your husband would be quite so lenient if they were both girls,your husband thinks they are just being"one of the lads" and wants to be like them,maybe he is getting older and lets face it none of us wants to! tell him how you feel,if he, loves you he will try and talk to them,they will soon be leaving home and you wont know what they are up to then!
2007-11-06 11:44:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Doc say's. Be carefull. You are obviously wound up real tight.
You need to talk to your husband. And you also need to talk to your ADULT ofspring as to there behaviour. Talking does work, give it a try.
2007-11-06 08:43:50 · answer #5 · answered by The Doctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you should let your boys grow up after all they are adults now not little boys. When i was 18 if my mum asked me to be in at a certain time id ignore her also. just as long as they dont bring any trouble home with them.
2007-11-06 08:40:07 · answer #6 · answered by HeatherzFeatherz 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, You are not wrong. The boys father needs to step up to the plate.
2007-11-06 08:39:22 · answer #7 · answered by Dave G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
whatever may be situation
always try to bring the situation under control like you do now
never give up
it is this character of you which is nice to have forever
2007-11-06 08:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by samur 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU REALLY SHOULD GET HIS SUPPORT,AND YES THEY SHOULD ABIDE BY THE RULES OF THE HOUSE,YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE MORE FOR YOU THAN THE SONS,AND SET THEM AN EXAMPLE
2007-11-06 08:39:57 · answer #9 · answered by josephrob2003 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋