Why is he keeping me a secret? Mature answers only please...?

Question

My current boyfriend is 24, I'm 21. We just started dating, he asked me out officially about a week ago. Back when I was 17 him and I were really good friends although I was very promiscuous at the time (I didn't sleep around I just acted stupid when I was drunk, taking off my top, etc). His family knew me as "that promiscuous girl" who came over sometimes.
Yesterday he informed me he didn't want to tell his family about us yet and he would in due time. I understand why they'd be concerned, I wasn't a good girl back then but why won't he just tell them now? He's already talking about the future with me. Could he just be saying he doesn't want to tell his family because he's cheating or something? Why would he do this? My friends told me to not sleep with him until he is ready to make our relationship public and not keep me a "secret". I agree I think. What do you think about all this? help please!! :(

Answer 1

he's a 24 year old man, and should not be afraid of his family. if the worst thing you did was take your shirt off, it's not the end of the world. it was 4 years ago and people change. if he insists on keeping you a secret, there's a reason, and he's not worth your time.

Answer 2

First of all, you're only 21. That was only 4 years ago. It takes a long time to grown up. You may have very well outgrown your "promiscuous" stage, but put yourself in his family's shoes. You are both at the age where you should be worrying about beginning a carrer,not whether or not the family cares who you are dating or not and whether you should have sex.
Never ever take a friends advice on who you should or shouldn't have sex with. It is your decision alone.
I would have a serious discussion with your boyfriend on what his intentions are, why he hasn't told his family and if plans to say anything to them.
A week ago he asked to officially be his girlfriend, did you expect to run home and tell his parents immediately?
I know in my relationships it wasn't something discussed openly right away.
You should make sure things are headed in the right direction before you invlove the family.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

If it goes on for a very long time, I might think differently. But it certainly sounds to me like he is trying to prepare the ground with his family and break it to them gently. He may be hearing or may have heard their opinions already as being hostile, and he may need time to get them ready for you.

Since you are trying to turn over a new leaf from being "that promiscuous girl" perhaps you should play the part of the reformed girl who has truly changed. I am not saying to starve him or you, but just be a little slower about having sex than you might have without overcoming that past impression.

Does he keep you secret from other people, besides his family? (Of course some of his friends might know his family.)

You might try to help him re-establish your image as a different image with his family by doing something (joining a positive social service club or church or I don't know) so that he can use as "ammunition" to sell his family that you are not the same girl they knew way back when. Maybe take a class, volunteer at an animal hospital or I don't know what. Something that is "you" and you want to do, but will give you "street credibility" with his parents.

Answer 4

I would question why all the secrets too! If it is because of your past, then he needs to grow up and admit that he likes you for who you are now. He should let his family know too! If he's keeping it a secret from his friends as well, then I would wonder if he's already involved with someone else. Get all of it sorted out now, before you get in too deep into this relationship. Honesty is what a relationship should be based on, not lies and secrets..there is no future in that! Good Luck!

Answer 5

This may not be the right guy for you. He is probably worried about getting **** off his family because of what they already think about you. We have all made mistakes in the past, and some people are not at all open to the idea that a person can change. Your friends are right, do not sleep with him until this is resolved.

Answer 6

Clean up your act. Relationships aren't soley about sex (1 hour out of 24 at best girl...get a grip on the basics of life...)

PROVE you're worth a relationship by not repeating past behavior. Be better than you were.

He knows fully well if his parents knew he was dating you - and remembered you and your past, that he'd get a ration of shi* - that, at this time - is WHY he's not sharing it with them.

Let us hope his interest is genuine and real...how will you know? If he pressures you, pushes you to have sex in a very short time. That would be the "clue" here that he remembers your past reputation and expects you to repeat it with him - then of course, he could classically dump you after getting what he wants.

You'd better be wise and careful in the future with men, or you basically have no future as a worthy woman. Learn to keep your pants on unless you're in a long term relationship that has truly proven itself WITHOUT the sex card being raised...

Sincerely,

Grace

Answer 7

You may not be the same girl, but if his parents call you "that promiscuous girl" you're going to have a hard time convincing them you're the type of girl they should have as a daughter in law. The only thing you can do is give it time and let them see you're different now.

However, you are only 21- I would hesitate before settling down with ANYONE!

Answer 8

Hello... All I can say is that in that future he talks about, you will be married to him and not his family. Don't worry so much about the past... he should know that also. About the cheating it's not possible... if a guy cheats, his family will support him in any case... your friends gave you bad advice... the No Sleeping subject should be decided by you... If you want to sleep with him then do it... after all, 4 years have passed since you met him and you should know his possible reaction...

my advice is: don't worry too much!

Answer 9

He has the nicely suited to maintain issues from you, relationships are no longer depositions as Dan Savage says. despite the fact that, he's baiting you via telling you interior the 1st place that there replaced into something that he could no longer inform you, so he's being a jerk. perfect thank you to deal with this is to in basic terms drop the great ingredient through fact he's clearly taking area in slightly making you guess. If that doesn't paintings call him out on baiting you and enable him understand you do unlike being taken care of that way. He could in no way inform you and in basic terms through fact he loves you does not propose he could could, yet he additionally should not be baiting you.

Answer 10

It sounds like his parents may not approve of you if the know about you and your past, and he is trying to avoid any problems at home, which is understandable if you yourself acknowledge that you have made yourself look not to good in the past. However he is probably just trying to fill you out and see if you are still acting like you did and if he is going to embarass himself this time around. He is being cautious which isn't a bad idea, and waiting to sleep with him is probably in the best interest of both of you anyways. I mean wait it out and see if this relationship is going to work, but my best advice to you is to be patient and let him see who you are now, and if you have made some changes in your behavior in the last few years. You can't blame the guy for wanting to see if you are the right girl to bring home to his parents. I think it is great that he values his parents opinions. Good luck to you and God bless.