If my mother wants her friends (quite a few since she's in an upscale social network in my hometown) to come to our wedding, should my parents pay for the wedding? If she wants her friends to come, yet doesn't want to pay for the wedding (because she doesn't approve of my fiance), should I dis her plans since it's my day and I'm going to marry him regardless of her input? I'd be happy with a courthouse wedding, but I know she will want it to be bigger once she knows. Otherwise it would look tacky...and God forbid that happens.
2007-11-06 06:53:52 · 16 answers · asked by crosseyedforcakes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
she's a bit bipolar so i'm really waiting until i'm out of her house before i even tell her we're engaged. she is not too fond on my guy, i know why, and i'm not going to get into that here. but i know she'll want to make sure all of her friends come, since they all invite her to their daughter's weddings.
I don't mind her friends, or my family, it's just that I can't afford those people.
2007-11-06 07:34:05 · update #1
At the end of the day all that is important is that you make those vows with the man you love.
If your mother is going to be a pain in the butt and want to invite all her friends, so she can show off, then tell her that she can at least pay for her friends share. Be very clear right from the beginning that it is your wedding and as you are paying for the majority, you have final say.....unless of course she wants to foot the entire bill. Then she gets more say.
Stick to your guns.
2007-11-06 07:28:52 · answer #1 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop straddling the fence and make up your mind.
If you're paying for the wedding yourself, then you get full charge of the guest list. Otherwise, Mom should pony up the cost - especially if you would like a small wedding but Mom's "social standing" demands something much larger and more elaborate.
Personally, I'd opt for the small ceremony (even at the courthouse) and tell Mom that she and she alone is welcome to be present.
But that's just because I dislike big weddings.
If Mom insists that it would look tacky (to whom, may I ask?) for you to have a small wedding, then tell her she can do all the planning and inviting and worrying - and paying - so all you have to do is show up.
But I'd still go for the very small ceremony.
2007-11-06 07:25:54 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you could budget for a set number of her friends (say, 10) to come to your wedding. Anyone else she wants to invite, she'll need to pay for. If she doesn't approve of your partner, why would she want to have a big wedding and invite all her friends anyway?? That seems weird to me!
My advice is to do what you and your partner are comfortable doing. If that means a small courthouse wedding, then do it! If you want to have a bigger wedding, go for it. But - if your Mom (rather than you) wants you to have a big wedding, she needs to be willing to help you pay for it. Otherwise, she gets absolutely NO say in whom you invite.
2007-11-06 07:07:53 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if she's not in approval of your future husband and isn't helping financially but still wants friends to attend that's a bit of an issue on her part. I would let her know that you will tell her how much it will cost for her friends to attend. Don't forget to add the cost of the favors, food, drinks, and if it's enough people to fill another table...charge her for the flower centerpiece too! We are in the same/but different situation. My Mom approves of my fiance but wanted to invite a few more friends than space allowed. She offered to pay for them though, just talk to your Mom...clearly she doesn't want you to go into debt for her friends.
2007-11-06 07:19:38 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If by inviting your mother's friends you are going to greatly increase your wedding budget, than she should offer to help pay. Otherwise, just tell her that your budget does not allow for anyone other than close family and the bride and grooms close friends to attend or alow her to choose one or two friends to come. However, I would make the offer that if they ever wanted to do lunch after the wedding (everyone paying their own way) you and your husband would be glad to.
2007-11-06 07:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of expecting your mom to pay for the entire wedding offer her options. One would be to go in with you and your fiance, another would be to have a smaller reception to include her friends in her home. Try and include her in other ways, for instance to help you with the reception, or a big beautiful bridal shower. Let her know you apprectiate the fact that she wants to share your special day with her friends but that it really is something very special when planned with the bride in mind.
2007-11-06 07:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, you have to go with what you want. A lot of brides cave to family demands and end up hating their wedding day. If a courthouse ceremony makes you happy, then go ahead and have that. Remember that marriage is about your life together not just the day itself.
2007-11-06 07:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by lacey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think they're going to bring gifts, you should pay for them to be there. That was my first thought. Sometimes you just have to put up with your parents' friends, or you could put your foot down and tell them that its your wedding and you don't want people to be there that you don't know. Discuss it with your fiance. Its your wedding, you both should get what you want.
2007-11-06 11:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Patti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants her friends to come, then she should pay for their meals. Take whatever it cost per person times the number of your mom's friends and that will equal how much she has to contribute if she wants her friends to come. I wouldn't expect her to pay for the entire wedding unless if she wants you to have it at a certain place and wear a certain type of gown, then I would have to have a talk with her.
My fiance's mom tried that and we told her how much it was per person and if she wanted these people to attend, she will have to pay. Needless to say that was the end of the conversation on that.
Good Luck.
2007-11-06 07:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by tohumanity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and congratulations!
When you do tell her....also tell her what your budget is. Go in telling her that "mom, we can invite XXX people; I have xx on my list; "Brian" has xx on his list; so you will be able to invite xxx. Possibly give her a # that she can invite (make it small), then she will have to choose if she is willing to give you a donation towards your wedding.
If you want to not invite ANY of her friends, of course, that is your option! Whomever pays gets to do the inviting as far as I'm concerned!
Good luck!
2007-11-06 08:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋