How do I deal with my crazy in-laws?!?

Question

I have been with my hubs for 4 years now, we have 2 beautiful children, and he is in the military. He joined just over a year ago and ever since right before then his family has gone completely nuts. I used to be really close with his sister, then she got a bf and destroyed expensive clothing of mine and wouldnt replace it...and i decided she was not the type of person I want to be friends with. anyhoo when he left to join, his mother called me one day out of the blue called me every name in the book, accused our son (only 1 then) of not being his, thinks our sex life is her business, got pissed when we bought a car together and she wasnt involved, ect ect. she has always been 2 faced, talking bad about her own children her sister brother ect, and I have come to the point where I dont want my children growing up around people like her, i will be damned if I let her say untrue bad things to MY kids! My husband is 100% supportive, but its such a sad situation. Any suggestions to move on

Answer 1

First tell her to leave you alone. Then after that any kind of unwelcome contact from her can be called harrassment. Block her from calling if you can or get caller ID. Dont erase any messages she leaves though in case you need it for a restraining order. Document all unwanted contact she makes with you even though you should never respond to it. Put down dates, times, etc.
If after all youve done to block her she still harasses you go get a restraining order.

Answer 2

I will give you two very important "clues": First if they weren't like that before, there's only two things which could be making them this absolutely horrendous way now. The first could well be that they're spinning in circles out of the fact that their close family member is in such a dangerous place, which is Iraq. They might not be in complete contact with their emotions about this_and should be doing so as soon as possible; just let it all out.

Second could be just the opposite; maybe they never liked you and are only working around to destroy the marriage, now that your husband is away.

Now, whatever you do, don't inform your husband of every detail of your conversations, arguments, etc., with them. Don't lie to him either, saying things are back to normal. Simply concentrate on telling him about your love and your children's for him, and about every possitive thing you can think of telling him.

Also, avoid all confrontations with his family members for all the reasons in the world. Remember, you are alone in carrying the bigger burden of his being away and you being the woman and man of the house. Also, please don't turn your children against them. Time takes care of so much!!!

And if they have declared the war on you, such as by making those accusations about the child not being his, then try to stay away as much as possible. Good luck!

Answer 3

man, there are plenty of those kind of people and that kind of thing is not something you want around your children. Just ignore their phone calls and don't even worry about them anymore. Trust me, it won't be too hard to get over people like them. Just talk to your husband and let him know the situation. You're right. It's a horrible situation but if these things are going to affect your kids in an unpositive manner then something has to be done about it. It's a mothers right to protect her child from that kind of environment.
Like I said, tho, it'll be easy getting over this situation if it involves those kinds of people. Don't let them worry you. The only thing you need to worry about is the family you have right there with you (ur husband and children) and plz promise yourself never to be an in-law like that. lol.

Answer 4

I feel for you. I really do. I know what your going thru. The inlaws saying bad things about your family isn't going to bring their son out of the service. I think this is a situation where if your husband is supporting you then I wouldn't worry about a darn thing. Let him take care of it, don't say bad things about them to him or to them. That just might get you in trouble. They can say that your first son isn't your hubby, but you know better than that. Be the bigger person and just try and cope with it. If at all possiable smile and just know that your family comes first and that you love them. Along with your hubby. I know it is hard to deal with at times, and it is going to be ever harder around the holidays. Talk to your hubby and let him know what is going on and what is being said. Your sex life isn't anybodies business but your own. There is a line that sholdn't be crossed, and she crossed it, that you don't have to put up with. I don't blame you for not wanting your children to be exposed to stuff like that, and you being the mother of them two boys don't have to expose them to that kind of talk. Don't act out of anger, and say something you think you might regret, or have to befend later. When your hubby comes home let him take care of the things his family has said and done. He will know that you didn't say or do anything to them to make them this way. Your boys come first, I wouldn't subject them to thing like that if you don't ahve to.
Good luck

Answer 5

That's really a shame.
You know adopting that attitude that his family is nuts, really isn't going to help your cause here, and it's going to end up costing your children a relationship with the grandparents from your husbands side of the family.

His family needs to understand that he chose YOU for his wife, and they had better get used to it.
Especially if they want to keep HIM in their lives, and to share in their grandchildrens lives.
The only person who can effectively convey that message is your husband. It's HIS job to keep the peace between his wife and his family, so stop fretting about it and have him get communicating with them.
I know you've said he's supportive of you, but there's supportive, and then there's SUPPORTIVE!
He can come home to you, and quietly hold your hand while you whine and complain about his mean nasty family. But it won't change anything if he keeps all of that to himself.
As I have already said, he needs to tell his family that when they go against his wife, that they are also going against HIM.

Answer 6

What about your father in law? Is he alive? Is he the same way? Is there anyone that can relate to you - an aunt, a grandmother, a cousin? If you can get one family member to agree with you, then it makes everything better.

Just ignore them. Make sure they realize that you appreciate that they care for you and your family, but you don't appreciate the way they make you feel. Just remember the golden rule, and be as kind as you would want your son's wife to be to you if she thought you were doing the same.

Answer 7

Just leave it. Don't talk to them or about them (out of respect of your husband). Hopefully they will learn to be more respectful to you and their grandchildren.

My uncle used to tease me so much when I was younger. (He's really negative by nature). My oldest memory is him teasing me on my birthday. When I got older I told him to stop and told my mom to tell him that. That failed consistantly. By the time I was 20, I had enough, freaked out on him, then stopped talking to him for years. After 4 years ignoring him, returning gifts, and avioding him - yah, he learned and make sure he doesn't act like an *** again.

I'm not saying you should freak on your in-laws. But a cold shoulder will never hurt you and maybe freak them out a bit. Hopefully, fear of your hatred towards them will cripple their relationship with their son will also drive them to be less crazy.

Sorry about all that. Hopefully they will take some crazy pills and find reality.

Answer 8

Well I hope you mean your husband is 100% behind you.My husband and I moved two states away.Just because they are family doesnt mean you need to have them involved in your life.Learn the leason early that people are people whether they are family or not,we dont like or get along with everyone and that means our families too.Make a happy life with your little family and forget them.I did and we are all happy now.

Answer 9

First thing's first - Don't punch her in the face, it makes things worse! (Like hitting a bee-hive with a stick).

Explain to yer husband what's going on and that it needs to be dealt with. Also: A golden gem if advice: Don't get mad, get even! Videotape said in-law bitching about said people and mail it to their sorry asses. Tell them this:

It's not up to them what you and your husband do and dont do. For instance, how would they feel if you went around calling them alot of names etc. (Won't mention any - i got a warning yesterday =o lol) But besides that, try moving away and breaking all contact with them. Remember: They may just be jealous that you're spendng all of the time he has with him. He's in the army, yes? well there's a chance he may be killed and they want more time with him and/or they blame you for him joining etc.

Hope that helps (I'ts like this at my house, but under different circumstances).

Good luck!

-Nix the Dark-

Answer 10

When people act selfishly (like your sis-in-law) or thru anger (your mom-in-law/MIL), its never quite as simple as it appears on the surface. There is something that your MIL experienced in her life that has made her very very angry. And she uses her anger to control others. Rathar than do a psy hunt to dig out all of her demons/abuses/memories....which can take years and not resolve issues....
Try prayer.
Prayer really DOES make a difference. And it takes patience and time - sometimes years. Please ask God to give you a compassionate heart toward her & family, and don't judge them too harshly. Let God judge them for their actions, as you answer just to Him, as well. Leave it to God to change your MIL from the inside out. For right now, she has no peace, and has effectively tried to destroy others around her because of her self destructive behavior. Notice how your sister-in-law has reacted to her mother? She destroys things and shows no remorse because this is the reaction to her MOTHERS influence on her, and she knows not other way to be. So prayer is in order for her, as well.
It's not fun being verbally abused, and to have your babies attacked is unbearable....but please keep this in your heart....there is SOME reason WHY your MIL is being so, and she has no peace in her heart. Pray for that peace, a complete peace that only God can offer.
I've been around people like this all my life.
Prayer will give YOU peace
Prayer will give HER peace
Prayer will give your IN-LAWS peace because of the change in your MIL's heart.
A transformation of the heart does wonders!

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