My husband of 1 month and I are moving back to my hometown in a month. We've been discussing where we wanted to live for a while now, and being there makes the most sense for us. Both he and I found good jobs there, we already have land to build a home on, I have a large family very close by, and the town supports the community lifestyle we want for our future children. However, his mother is hurt. She wants us closer to her. How can we assure her that she will be part of our lives? We feel terrible about this, but it is the right thing for our lives. How can I help him feel less guilty? I feel sad for him that his excitement about a new job and moving out of the large city we live in now is dampered by this. And I feel sad for her that her son won't be close by and that she is jealous of the relationship my family will have with us.
2007-11-06 06:37:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Not much, I'm afraid.
Emphasize how much it will be good for your husband and future children.
Talk a lot about her visiting (maybe even set a date for the first visit -- could some of your family put her up, since your house won't be done?).
Talk a lot about how you'll keep in touch. Does she have a computer? Maybe set up a web page for keeping in touch with family, and put up a couple of pictures of all of you, so she can see what that can be like.
Heck, you guys can set up movies, and live phone calls with images, so it's really like talking face-to-face. (Assuming everyone has the technology.)
But mostly, this is a minus for her, and she can't help but see that, nor can your husband.
Let him talk about it, and don't try to talk him out of those feelings. That just makes it worse. Just commiserate with him about how hard this is, until he's let that out and can move on to all the good sides.
Could she plan to join you? (Dunno what she has going for her now, but if she could be planning to move near herself, that would take a lot of edge off.)
2007-11-06 09:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is not a good solution to this problem. Other that what you have already said there is nothing to add. Tell her that you love her and this is the best for your family right now. You can call often with the free phone service available now. You can use the computer to even see each other when you talk. I love the computer camera because it lets families see the grandchildren growing up and still talk often. And when you do get together it will really be special.
She is in pain so don't discount that but don't feel guilty. You have your own decision to make about what is good for your family.
2007-11-06 06:46:44 · answer #2 · answered by Lyn B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About the only thing you can do : First off, try talking to her without your husband around, it's always easier.. Just tell her, living in that particular town (where you want to go) supports your marriage and your family with all of the important parts and while you will all miss her while you're home, that there will be visit plenty. If she still has a problem, calmy but firmly, tell her that he has a family that needs him and you can't be hampered down by her.
2007-11-06 06:47:58 · answer #3 · answered by Missy the Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your mom which you will desire to lease out the upstairs house to pay for expenses and you does no longer elect to cost them what you're making plans on charging a tenant. Make up some ridiculous fee and tell them which you elect that lots to assist in making ends meet, with the loan and abode upkeep and all. Your mom has a place to circulate. Your brother desires her help financially. If she pushes the priority than tell her you're no longer comfortable mixing enterprise and family individuals jointly. you obtain the duplex as a enterprise investment. stay enterprise, stay well mannered, hit upon a tenant for the upstairs.
2016-10-03 12:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have a good long distance calling plan and then take the time to use it. Make sure you have plans to go and visit and to have her visit often. Then do what you have to do to make the life you want for the both of you.
2007-11-06 10:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really help tehm When my step mom and my dad moved away from her parents they knew that they would see them later on in the future. its just part of life it happens every day. Just give them enough love nad tell them you well see them soon and make plan wit you man suprise them for holdiay or weekend.
2007-11-06 06:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by TOAST 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't please everyone for everything at every time! Be correct and sensible in doing your job in earnest. Let your husband can go and meet the mother as often as he can and he would sure to find it satisfies her!
2007-11-06 06:52:22 · answer #7 · answered by anjana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋