my BF said he wishes i was Different?

Question

well i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years goin on 5 years ...from age 15-20.
he was my only love the only boy i have ever known..
nyhoo i am quite shy and dealing with overcoming this fear!! and i think i have overcome it but still have a few shy tendancies i dont dance in public for instants ..my boyfriend on the other hand is so outgoing, a fantastic dancer etc and he loves being in the middle of a club part takeing in a dance off... u can see the difference right, so recently i think this whole difference in charecter has affected him and he now says he has a problem..he loves me but hates me, he wants to be able to dance with me not other girls, go out and get drunk (i prefer not to do this!) try different foods, be more sexually outgoing
nyways things along thoose lines... is it ok for someone to say i wish u were different?, or shod i stick it out and try and change even more, what do u think of him
thanks for ur help

Answer 1

I think if the differences are disturbing you and your boyfriend, then you should not be together. You are who you are, and if you try to become someone else you will not be happy with yourself.

Answer 2

You need to have this conversation with him. I am really sorry to have to tell you this. Make a list of the things that he wishes you would do and make a compromise. Tell him what you wish he would do and see if he would change. You can always take dancing lessons. I’ll tell you they are saving me. I am getting married in August and I have two left feet while he is a great dancer. New food never hurt anyone just keep an open mind when you are trying something different. You may not like it at first but you can appreciate the diversity and may come to like it. As for the sex part I would recommend buying the Karma Sutra book and going through it together to see what you both might like to try. That worked for me too. When he sees how hard you are trying he may back off a little. Remember that if he is always taking and is not willing to negotiate with you at all on these small things then when the big decisions come up he will be just as stubborn. There is nothing worse then going to buy a house and not having a say in where you live or what the house is like. Just keep that in mind. I hope this helps you, good luck hun.

Answer 3

You are who you are and if you are shy you won't find it that easy to become suddenly outgoing and adventurous. You should change if you want to but only with what you are comfortable with. It sounds to me like you may be with the wrong person to actually turn around and say that to you shows how unfeeling and shallow he is.
You are probably very comfortable with your friends and able to be a bit more relaxed, but not so with strangers some people are like this my son is in his 20's and really doesn't like to be among strangers with his mates he's completely different.

Be brave you need someone who is going to care for and respect the person you are, if he wants to change you then he really isn't worth wasting your time on. After 4 years it seems he may be wanting a change and you may find someone who is just right for you.

I note your age range and assuming you are both 20 this explains alot girls mature far faster and want to "settle down" a lot quicker than lads. He is still in the I am a raging hormonal hunk phase (yes they do get a bit bigheaded round about now), his brain is telling him to go out and party and no matter what you try it won't change a thing.

It will be difficult but you are only young and there is a whole world out there for you to discover. Don't tie yourself down yet have fun first.

Answer 4

Hmmm. If he were saying this about something serious, like if you had a drinking problem or an anger management issue, and he wanted you to change that, it wouldn't be unreasonable. But shyness isn't harmful to anyone, and you are working to overcome it! That's a hard thing, too, isn't it? I had the same problem as a teen and only now in my early 20s have I come into my own (and I still struggle with it on occasion).

It sounds to me like he's complaining because he wants to run around and act like a sleazeball and not feel like he should behave himself out of consideration for you. He sounds like a bit of a jerk, I hope you don't mind me saying that. You should really find yourself a new boyfriend. Can you see yourself marrying him? Would you want to marry him and spend your life living with a man who says he hates you and wants to go out drinking and partying all the time? If not, then don't waste any more of your time with this guy. Dump him. Find yourself a good man who will love you for who you are - even the shy parts! Find someone who won't make you change to suit him. That isn't fair to you.

Answer 5

Nobody can answer this but yourself gf.
For a moment forget what he wants.
Let's say you could change all that and then some.
Do you really want that style of life?
You don't sound like the type to want to get drunk and wonder where various missing accessories are the next day.
A change is only as good as much as you really want it.
There is no guarentee that he will lie you once you change, so make certain you do it for yourself.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I think its perfectly natural, Both of you are very young and still have a whole life ahead of you. Spending as much time as you have together at such a young age makes me feel that you have missed out on so much. Having different boyfriends/girlfriends in the teens allows you to see the differences between people and allows you to get a better understanding of what you want out of a relationship. Being with only one person for so long at such a young age makes me think you will become Dependant on this guy. I can understand why he wishes you were different, Its because he wants to experience new things in life and with other people.

I wish you luck and hope that you both find happiness

Answer 7

The drinking thing let that one pass, if he thinks sexually outgoing is good then good for him, that isn't you.... but he is interested in you so you can always try the dancing and make him see that the other stuff is trivial, he won't laugh or make fun of you trying new things.
And then again sometimes kiddo people grow apart. It's tough but the reality is that you should be happy and it really doesn't sound like you are.
Be yourself, and if being with him includes that cool, if not be friends. If he can deal with that.

Answer 8

It sounds like he needs a different girlfriend and you need something different too. There is nothing wrong with the way you describe yourself, and there is nothing wrong with the way you describe him. It may be that you two are just too different personalities. I would seriously recommend taking a break and seeing other people. If he wants to go out drinking and dancing etc, then he needs to find someone who is into that and you need to find someone who is into what you like to do. You both deserve better. Although, I don't think it is right to say he loves you but he hates you. You just need to find a guy who will love the real you and not the you he wants you to be.

Answer 9

There's nothing bad about opening up and spreading your wings, trying new things- if you actually want to and are comfortable doing so. I think, if your boyfriend says that he "hates" you in any way, you've got an unhealthy relationship. You may want to talk more, go to counseling together- or just dump him. There's nothing wrong with being shy; and some guys love a demure and ladylike girl.

What he's said is definitely Not okay.

Answer 10

You are young... each of you have changed exponientially since you have met & will keep changing at that rate over the next 5 years.

Sounds like you have given him lots of support & confidence to bloom... where as he is not offering you the same. If someone wants to build your confidence, then they shower you with compliments & encouragement. He will never motivate you to be more outgoing by making you feel inferior. If he is saying he wishes you were different in a positive tone with uplifting connotation, then he might be worth saving. But, if he is whining about it & making you feel less than him, then you will probably find a lot more confidence in moving on without lugging his opinions around.

Example: Good--- Baby, you move beautifully, I wish you would just cut loose with me & let me show off he prize I have found in you... it isn't normal for someone so hot to be so shy!! Bad--- Geez! Get over yourself & dance with me! I can't stand being with someone who wants to hide in the corner.

Answer 11

At least he is letting you know how he feels. I suppose he could have phrased it a bit nicer. Do you have social phobias? Maybe it's something that you can work on. Or maybe that's just not the person you are, which is perfectly fine. Sit down and talk to him about it. Have a healthy and productive conversation to try to figure out EXACTLY what it is he doesn't like about you (or what you don't like about him). Then you have to consider whether or not these are things that will end a relationship or if they are simply bumps in the road.