if my boyfriend of 10 months teases me sometimes saying i should dump him and find someone who will marry me? He says it jokingly like he is too independant to settle down, but then when he was drunk he said he wanted to be with me forever, marry me and have kids? He is totally sweet to me and tells me he loves me all the time.
2007-11-06 06:15:37 · 36 answers · asked by kat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just wanted to add hes not an alchoholic or anything, and he always both says and shows me he loves me by the things he does, ive never had anyone treat me so well.I try to joke back when he says these things but one time i got really emotional and started crying.He just started hugging me and apologizing saying he was just kidding.I guess i just dont get why he would say that stuff , hes 25 and im 30.
2007-11-06 06:43:03 · update #1
He was either trying to get in your pants that night and took the easy route because he was drunk. Our the alcohol let him slip about his real emotions
MO
2007-11-06 06:19:26 · answer #1 · answered by MOs fishin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You trust the bastard drunk more than when he's sober? That's just plain insane.
Take him at his word when sober. Probably no joke at all. He's too independent and too enamored of the booze bottle to be a proper husband for you or any other female. Forget the faux bon-homie and dump the bum. Maybe on some level the nebbish actually does love you and recognizes the fact that he's not worthy of you. And he's probably right. But then, if you trust a drunk man more than the same man sober, maybe not! You two might be made for each other!
2007-11-06 06:21:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is having trouble working out how serious he wants to get and is insecure about your love for him. It is a kind of perverse 'test' in one way he probably doesn't even realise he is doing it to the extent he is. At the same time he is trying to assess the risk of rejection verses acceptance.
We are all different so to say you should do this or say that or behave in a particular way would be dangerous advice as it might have unexpected consequences.
The best I can suggest is to stay calm and not 'react' when he seems to say the 'nasty' things but to try to engage him in conversation in the same laid back or 'jokey' fashion. He may be accidentally revealing a part of him that will show what he is like deeper down. You want to know this before you commit as he might display behaviour that would not be good in a committed relationship.
Hopefully it is just a bit of anxiety as he tries to work out the right way to say what he really feels about you. (positively)
2007-11-06 06:27:55 · answer #3 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a man. he will never really know what he wants when it comes to a relationship. Committing to marriage was the hardest thing I ever did. I love my wife and can't be happier, but as a man I always wish I could just break away from the relationship for a while have some fun and then come back. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way.
2007-11-06 06:24:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay...I'm no man...but.....
from what i observed, there's a lot of conflicting answers on here saying that either 1) his drunk talk doesn't mean very much and 2) his drunk talk is the real deal.
Ultimately, you are going to have to make a decision. Is he acting in a way that you two will get along in a loving relationship despite what he says while drunk?
I mean, afterall, he isn't going to be drunk 24/7, so he isn't going to say all that nice marriage stuff I'm guessing (if he doesn't already while sober).
Talk to him about it....if he doesn't change, then maybe that he isn't the guy for you? He needs to at least display his real feelings about the topic occassionally to you, since that is what you are wishing (a compromise, let's say).
2007-11-06 06:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by mika*mika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it, but he wants you but he's afraid of commitment. Sometimes when someone's drunk they really say what they mean.
Like most men, he's scared of commitment.
If he just drinks a little or some and occasionally gets drunk, you may have no problems. But, if it's a regular habit, you'll have nothing but heart ache in the long run.
If you leave him, be careful of the next one you meet. I've heard it said that men and women are attracted to the same type of person and sometimes the next person they date/marry has the same charactoristics as the previous one.
2007-11-06 06:36:18 · answer #6 · answered by rann_georgia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe what he said when he was drunk was the truth and it just took alcohol to bring it out of him. I dated someone the same way. In my case it was because she was in a 4 year relationship and was about to get married until the guy cheated on her. After that it was hard for her to think about the future and being married so she said things like what you are hearing to help her stop herself from getting too attached or from you thinking about those things. Eventually I believe he will come around with time, so you should just know that what he said when he was drunk was more than likely the truth. That same situation happen with us and now she has came completely around and we are talking about our future lives.
2007-11-06 06:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont trouble yourself too much. This is a good thing. He is just trying to make sure that you feel the same way about him as he feels about you. Its his way of finding out if you would leave him on the spot for another man just because he's not ready for commitment. The fact that he is still saying that he loves you means that he cares about you and wants to be with you for as long as you both shall live.
2007-11-06 06:25:01 · answer #8 · answered by Luis L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It simply means that he himself hasn't made up his mind on whether or not he wants to marry and have children. The best thing you can do is to let him figure that out for himself, giving him the time and patience he asks for. Even innocent suggestions on your part could be construed as nagging, and make him less likely to side with you. It's only been 10 months, give him a little more time to make such a huge committment! :)
2007-11-06 06:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by jmattiesmufc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry too much. Its a good sign that when he drinks he is loving and wants nice things with you. If he is in his early 20s or younger, I wouldn't be concerned. if he is in his late 20s, and you've dated for a couple of years, you might want to start letting him know you won't wait forever, assuming you want to get married.
Consider if you really do want marriage though. Its not for everyone.
2007-11-06 06:19:54 · answer #10 · answered by John M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋