please take the time to read this and tell me what you think!?

Question

ok so i havent really been honest with anyone about this and i would like an unbiased opinion. me and my bf have been together for over 2 and 1/2 years. in thebeginning, we had some trust problems as he had been hurt by previous girls and i was a bit of a party girl. everything cooled down and we were really enjoying eachother. then this summer, he became very distant. he was working on different projects and didnt really have time to be the bf he was to me previously. i felt alone and as i didnt k now how to handle the change in him. he wasnt communicating with me and i didnt know what he was doing most of the time. he assured me that he was being faithful to me and that i shouldnt worry because he was dedicated to us. time went on and things got worse. i ended up cheating on him. i had a one night stand with a guy i worked with. i really regretted it and i had a hard time coming out to him and telling him what i had done but i finally told him everything about what i did and why.

after a few weeks, we agreed that we would try to make things work again. i then found out that he had been talking to his ex gf for a long time. he was also talking to a bunch of different girls. while i was at home feeling alone and insecure, he was mingling with other females. now he promises that they dont mean anything to him and that i am his number 1 but i dont beleive it. he has so many girl friends and i dont know what to think anymore. i have a feeling he was u nfaithful to me before but he will never admit it as i did. i know i was wrong for sleeping with someone else but he had been doing things behind my back before i even thought of indulging myself. he is still distant with me and i know the other girls still call him but i cannot let go. i do not want to let go. i want to be with him so bad. i feel really insecure about this. i feel like i was not good enough for him...i dont know what to do anymore! HELP!!!

Answer 1

oh wow!! girl this is just a mess..

Ok let me ask you this why are you still with him after finding out that ok you messed up for him not paying attention to you. But he was doing his dirty work behind your back.


Ok you cheated on him. But He was doing his thing. You were HONEst enough to tell him everything. because you felt bad. Yes you shouldn't have done it. You really had no reason. YOu should of left him or told him that you felt alone. sorta giving him a heads up that if it happens he was warned.

Now you know that he was talking to his ex and that he has been flirting with other girls. Is that what you want?? I mean you don't know what else he did and he isn't telling you. Guys tend to be like that alot.. THey go around the situation.. is like ok he told you what he was up to but he didn't tell you everything. They like sugar coat the problem. He now know what you did to him that you cheated on him. ANd honey to be honest with you he isn't going to let you forget that. When you have a problem or arguement he will bring it up. If he's cheating you probably wont know because he will use what you did and use it against you. So honestly think about it. Do you really want to get in a relationship based on LIES and Deceptions??

I'm pretty sure that you are repent and could make the relationship work because you love him. But He wont... its hard to fully forgive someone that lied to you andeven though he isn't coming out and telling you he cheated but just the fact that he was flirting with other girls is cheating!

If he love you he will prove it to you. If you love him prove it to him. But make sure he is willing to do the same effort not more or less!

This is somethingyou really have to think about what you want. Yes at first its going to hurt ..but time will heel you. Think about the con's. Don't be in a relationship that later on after you can't take it anymore you sit there and say to yourself "i should of stopped this when i had the chance" instead of wasting all your time and effort trying to have someone trust you, and be faithfull when he might not be doing it. Instead you could be using all your energy starting all over again with someone who will really appreciate you.

I know it's easier said than done.. That's why know that if you go into this realtionship you go into it knowing what can happen. Right now You have more con's than pro's.. But hey everyone changes even men.. hopefully he changes for you and is repent as much as you are and is willing as much as you are.. Remember never love someone more than what they love you!!

Hope it works out.. Whatever choice you make.. Sooner or later you will see the whole picture.. At times time your hurt and vulnerable so you see what you want not what's really going on.. just becareful I know how it feels being hurt is the worst feeling =)

Answer 2

Being honest is was the best thing u did, I mean the fact that u cheated under those conditions wasnt right but the fact that u told him n felt the need to be honest and tell him means u care for him, and want him to know and u want to get passed it but the right way. U told him so u cared enough to put it out there and potentially ruin ur relationship but u did it in hopes of gettin through this hard time and comin to a better understanding so that it doesnt happen again , n if it does then u just dont care cause u didnt learn from the first time. He shouldnt hold a grudge and use it as an excuse of liberation because u did it to him then its no big deal if he does it to u just once,... be mature about the situation!

Answer 3

You did the right thing by telling him the truth about your infidelity. I understand that you feel hurt by him talking to other girls, but if that's what it was - just talking - you should try to let go of your fears.

Do you believe he is trying to make things right? Do you think he is putting in an effort toward your relationship? Are you putting in an effort? Relationships are about compromise and communication. Talk to him when something is bothering you - don't blame him, don't argue, don't accuse, just talk. Tell him what hurts you and what makes you feel good.

Unless you have proof, take what he says as true, that he didn't cheat on you and wants to work things out. If he's still talking to these other girls, tell him it hurts you and ask him to stop. Ask him why it is important he talks to these girls. Ask if you can read some of his communications with him. If he has a problem with it, ask him why.

The real key is communication. It will take a while to repair your broken heart (and his - it hurts to be cheated on), but if you both work on it, you can make it through this.