Can my son's father get majority custody of our son so that he can go to school in his city?

Question

He said he is going to go to court & try to change custody so that he can live with him during the week (he lives 2 hrs away) but he lives with me during the week and has since he was born (he's four). We have joint legal custody but physical custody is 60/40, I have the 60%. Is there a chance that the court would take my son away from me and give majority to his dad and only give me two days a week with my son when I raised him from birth and all these years his dad flaked on getting him about half the time? I'm so scared that it will happen. I'm an excellent mother to him and I've never had a problem w/alcohol or drugs or the law. So he has nothing on me but I'm just scared that he'll be taken from me. Please anyone with info or advise on this I would appreciate anything. thanks.

Answer 1

You will have to go to court and probably get recommendations from teachers, friends, and family members ( i would start to do that now) The judge usually favor's single mothers unless they do drugs or are alcoholics. If you make a decent amount of money and you live in a good neighborhood then you should be able to win. If you have already been to a child custody court and this is the settlement then the judge will most defiantly favor you because you already have won a case but start on the recommendations saying that your a good mother and get them before he does.

Answer 2

Custody battles are ugly. Unless he can demonstrate a reason in court for changing the custody arrangement, the court is probably more likely to come down on your side. You can bring your own suit for full custody or supervised visitation against him. You'll have the same burden he would, but it may be sufficient leverage to get the two of you to work things out instead of fighting. What's keeping the two of you from living closer together? If it's a job, you could both move to the same town, 1/2 way between your respected jobs. That may make things easier. Or harder if you don't like one another and keep bumping into each other... Anyway, consult an attorney, consider alternatives, if they're reasonable. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm not an attorney, but I used to work for one. I don't believe that the non-custodial parent can get custody of a child for school purposes when the child has never attended that school, unless there is some major reason, such as he can prove you as unfit (and that takes quite a bit ... you would have to be homeless or have several children's services calls on you) or the school system that you live in is extremely violent ... especially since you've cared for this child at birth. You need to begin documenting your conversations, as well as the visits ... if he's on time, if he doesn't show up, etc. I get the idea that he's an emotional batterer and uses this child to control you. Batterers will also use your finances to drag you through the mud ... having to hire an attorney, for instance, or not paying their child support. Don't worry. As long as you are a good mother and you have your child's best interests in mind, I believe you are going to be fine. Chances are, he may just be blowing smoke to intimidate you (many batterers make threats but don't follow through with them ... it's a mind game) ... I wouldn't worry until I was served, and even then you have so many days to answer so you will have time to find an attorney. Begin checking on attorneys ... if you are in the low-income bracket, find out if you have a legal aid society in your area.

Answer 4

Really there is no need to worry unless your ex-hubby has something on you that would show the court you were not fit. That is not an easy thing to do, as courts tend to feel the kids belong with Mom.

However, no harm in being prepared. Make out a time table of when ex-hubby was supposed to have the kids but didn't show. Make a list of dates as far back as you can remember, along with his reasoning for not being there, etc. If there are any other concerns, have those handy. If you have a lawyer, check with them.

It shouldn't have to be messy. Don't use anything against him if you don't have to, but at the same time, be prepared with valid concerns about him and valid reasons you should have custody.

Answer 5

Contact a good attorney. If where you live is anywhere like Florida, you have an advantage being a woman. I'm not a sexist, but thats just the way it is. Document EVERYTHING! Make sure you have records of everything..medical, school, etc, etc... If it does come down to ya'll going to court, you need to have all your ducks in a row, and be loaded for bear. What are your child's grades like now. Are you and your childs life stable? In Florida, when it comes to a family law judge determining who is the primary custodial parent, the judge normally looks to see which parent is most willing to let the other parent see the child. I hope this helped, good luck.

Answer 6

It probably won't happen, especially if you keep things civil with his father and communicate that you both want the same thing...whatever is best for the child.
Here is a little history on the subject
My son is 11, his father and I divided custody evenly until he started school then visitation went to every weekend with his Dad and with me during the week. Summer is still every other week. We have never been before a judge there is no child support, and we make it work for my son's sake. (All of his teachers say he is the most polite, respectful child, and is a great role model to his fellow students)
Did I bite my tongue & give up alot of days that I wanted to spend with my son? YES...BUT so did his father. Good Fathers are no different than we are...they just want to see their kids
As a child from divorced parents, I wanted to make sure my child didn't have to feel the way I did.
PEOPLE---KIDS DON'T JUST NEED ONE PARENT THEY NEED 2 PARENTS LOOKING OUT FOR THEIR BEST INTERESTS... NOT SELFISH PARENTS LOOKING TO SPITE THE OTHER .

Answer 7

Both of my parents have gone through two divorces both of whiched involved children. I live in MO and according to our laws he would have to prove you an unfit mother to get primary custody of the child. We are talking drugs, alcoholism, the works. I believe most states are like that. Unless he can prove you unfit to care for the child you have nothing to worry about. I am no lawyer but I hope this made you feel a little better.

Answer 8

Hotpepper;

You took the words right out of my mouth. Amen.

Veronica;

You seem reasonable. You don't blather on about he did this and that. You have answered part of your own underlying question. Is he a good father? Yes. You already acknowledge that by not pouring on a bunch of liberal garbage about him.

So he is a good father? What now? Shared custody. You should share custody with him on a full time basis. He may have been talking to his friends or hearing the news lately about fathers going to jail for this or that bs the nazi feminist government runs. He is probably scared of something right now. You don't want to talk to him about it. That's fair for you, but if your ex is scared, it will reflect on your child.

Stop and talk to him. Ask him why the change. What makes it imperative that the child go to school in one school over another. If he lives in a school district that is tons better, consider moving to the area for the sake of the child. If he is scared, talk with him and help him with his fears. The child will look at You with amazement, awe and wonder at what a kind and compasionate person you are. What better example could you possibly set for a child than to show them that they should care about our fellow human beings.

Here are some links I thought you might like. These groups are a real blessing. I hope that you will be a blessing and not a stumbling block to your child.

God Bless

Frank Pytel

Side Note: Various Google searches

“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits

http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3

Answer 9

The court will not change custody unless he can prove that the current arrangement is detrimental to his son's emotional or physical health (for example, if he exhibits continual problems in school or at home while he is with you, or if your home is proven an environmental health hazard). If you've been a good mom and the current arrangement is working, he won't be able to do anything.

Answer 10

In order for him to custody he would have to prove that you are a unfit mother and that your son is in danger from you. From the sounds of it you are a great mother. So breath you have nothing to worry about. Your son is safe. I think your ex- is just trying to scare you and so you do worry, my ex- did that also in the end there really was nothing for me to worry about. So stop and hug your son and stop being so worried.