Sign of ADD? Or another problem?

Question

OK..lately my step daughter (she is 8) has been acting strange. She will not respond to her father if he yells at her for somethig she did not do..she just gets into a mood and totally withdraws...when she is tired..she will just stop walking...talking nice doesnt work...yelling doesnt work..and if you need to go somewhere..one of us has to carry her....if we tell her to get dressed, she will procrastinate and not want to do it, or she will say she is cold when she gets out of the shower but not understand that by drying off and getting dressed she wil be warmer faster. Sometimes getting her to school is a struggle (she has to wear a uniform) so she will not talk. and is sulking and when i try to dress her starts wrigling and fighting me because she does not want to get changed. At first I thought she was just being spoiled, but now it seems as if something is wrong. I dont know if its physical mental or some deep issue she is having? has anyone experienced anything like this?

* when she is not in these moods, she is fine. But it has been everyday. Her dad had to carry her home cause she just "stood" when he picked her up, and i struggled 2 days getting her dressed/showering.

ok the answerers seem to be confused. Her and I get along great, she does this with her mom, dad and granpa as well. And we dont spoil her or give into her...meaning she knows WHEN to throw these fits, if she does it before school we are going to make sure she GETS to school and not waste 3 hours until she feels better.

Answer 1

Your stepdaughter has learned passive aggressive behaviors as a result of you and your husbands really poor parenting skills. Most of the stuff in her is typical behavior for an 8yr old. And wouldn't you withdraw if you were being yelled at for any reason?

You both need to get into a parenting class and do a better job. Get her some counseling to help her learn to cope with the mistakes you are making and the fact that her parents apparently couldn't get along either. Children of divorces don't come out of it unscathed, and alot of them think its their fault. Doesn't sound like either of you have addressed that either.

Answer 2

First of all its not ADD i personaly think there is no such thing as ADD, its just an excuse for parents that can not control their kids, did you know that there is no test to prove that a child had ADD the doctor goes off a paper and thats it, my brother and sister were both diagnosed with ADD and they are now on pills, they are very smart kids, they know that this "illness" they have will getthen out of trouble, so do not let your step daughter think she has ADD cause things could get much worse. I personally think she acts up becasue her parents are not together anymore, how long have youi and you husband been together and where is her mother? If you have been married for a short time then thats explains everything. If it has been longer then i htink something myst have happend in the house or at school, that you dont know about. Why dont you and your husband get to the real problem, as her teachers and friends how she is at school and out side the house. She may be one of those "emo kids" you know thats the newest and hipest hings right now, so just ask around and see what people say. Good Luck

Answer 3

I am a step father, Melissa is now 20, when we first came into eachothers lives she was 9.
I have learned through this time that as a step parent you are dealing first with someone elses child....at least thats the way it is in the beginning. I don't know how long you have been in her life, but by the sounds of this, she is still dealing with wanting her mommy, and just doesn't understand all this divorce and splitting up stuff....and how can anyone expect more from our children.
I quickly learned in my own situation that it takes time, and then it takes some more time, and then again, still more time, to develop trust and respect from a child.
It took about four or five years before Melissa really started knowing that i truly cared for her, and once she did she came to me with all her issues and then i could start calling myself a true father figure in her life.
It got so good that eventually she came to me first and not her own mother with all of her boyfriend issues and girl issues, and today she sometimes says that i mean more to her than her natural father, and thats special, for me it is.
It just takes time and you need to develop things slowly, because i am still working on getting rid of that little bit of discomfort....

Answer 4

First off, pediatricians are not really qualified to diagnose something like ADD/ADHD, etc.... for that you need to get her to a counselor or physcologist who specializes in these types of disorders. Her regular doc won't do here.

But honestly.... she sounds like a spoiled kid. Example, she just stands and refuses to walk,what happens, you carry her. So she has figured out what to do to get you to give her her way. She is playing the both of you like a fiddle here.

Her behaviors just seem normal for a kid to me, and because you give into her when she resists she is getting worse.

I'd check into a parenting class or find some books on dealing with her. You both need to be more firm with her and stop giving into her fits and ridiculous behavior.

Answer 5

Take her to her pediatrician, and have them make a call. You probably need to take her to counseling as well. It sounds like she regressing for some reason, maybe stress related.