Hi,My dad is a widower of two years.
My siblings are: 22 years old (autistic) and 15 years old (with a history of emotional problems after my mom's death)
My dad asked me yesterday at dinner if I could watch my siblings for three weeks, while he flies down to Brazil to visit his girlfriend of 4 months. He expects to be gone for Christmas.
I told him no. He states, "I am being selfish and controlling his life."
I feel most single parents do not up and leave to go to exotic countries. If anything, they take their children with them for the trip. He states it's too expensive.
His girlfriend has vacation during Christmas because she is a teacher. I asked why she can not come up here. She is single and has a self sufficent 24 year old daughter. She plans to return to the US in 5 months.
And I being irrational about this? Please help.
2007-11-06 03:53:11 · 9 answers · asked by pasta812 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
While he has a right to move on with his life, you have a right to tell him you won't take responsibility for his children for such a long period of time. It also hasn't been that long since your mother died that leaving on a major holiday would be okay for you or your siblings.
Maybe you can work out a compromise. Like he could leave the day after Christmas and go for one week instead of three weeks during Christmas. That being said, he is asking for a lot and then acting petulant because you said no. It sounds like he is trying to control your life.
2007-11-06 05:34:25 · answer #1 · answered by Liza S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern in that your siblings have issues. You don't say how old you are, but I am assuming you are older. So, you can look at this two ways - you feel put out because in your opinion, your dad has no business running off to see a girl who can make the trip back here, and they have only known one another 4 months, which is pretty much putting your feelings in the forefront. Or, you can be happy that your dad has found someone who makes him happy after the death of his wife, and do this for him. He needs a break, too. While I understand your feelings, truly I do, I think this would be a nice "gift" for your dad.
2007-11-06 03:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lady G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh damn...now thats not a very good father at all. How is he gonna leave you guys during a time when you guys need him the most!! In no way are you being irrational and he is the one being selfish...you guys are HIS children and he must take care of ALL of you. He's the one being selfish for pursuing some stupid woman elsewhere. You can say NO..straight out you know. He's the on eresponsible for those kids..not you. If he really wants to see this woman then this woman needs to see what he is getting into....ask him to at least take one of them or both. Honestly..dont let him ruin your life.
2007-11-06 04:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is Bad, real bad. Wow....your dad is acting like a 15 year old kid. you and your siblings just lost your mom 2 years ago, this must still be hard for all of you. he should take them with him, as a matter of fact if this is his Fiance' then he should take all three of you with him for the holiday.
She should fly here for the holidays as it seems she has no young children to worry about.
and what about your plans? what if you had plans for the Holiday's.
He's being very selfish. It seems as if he is only thinking about himself and not about how you and your siblings would feel about having to spend the holidays without your parents.
It's not fair to you or your siblings.
2007-11-06 06:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is leaving you holding the bag.
You can either deal with it now or later.
Do the ol' T-Bar approach:
If he goes and brings her home and marries her, she will be faced with having to look after your two sibs.
If you keep him here he will obviously resent you and his GF will show up in a few months anyway.
You can choose to help him get a "help mate" who will hopefully take up the slack when you finally leave.
Sounds like you REALLY need to move out of that house and get out on your own. About the only way to draw the line is to move to another town.
2007-11-06 04:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go crazy if I had to watch two kids for three whole weeks who weren't my own children.....really, I do not have the patience, I would be miserable. If this is the reason you are turning him down, then say so. Tell him that you simply do not think you are capable of handling them for three whole weeks with them as your full responsibility, it is too daunting a task. Why not offer to watch them for a shorter time frame, or in conjunction with another 'helper'
2007-11-06 04:00:05 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being irrational. As a parent now myself, I wouldn't put that responsibility on my own child. My mom did it to me- I had to practically raise my younger brothers. 3 weeks is a long time, and I'm sure you have a life of your own-job, etc. I just think a parent shouldn't place that upon their own child- whether they are grown-up or not. Now if both parents have died, then that's another story. Maybe see if he could shorten his trip. But otherwise, stand up for yourself, and tell him no if it's not what you want.
2007-11-06 04:02:38 · answer #7 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just Say No! If you do not do this, Who will? He is being selfish, and you should tell him so. Girlfriend for 4months my ASSS. He is out of his mind. Tell him to find some booty in the good old USA. As for you, you should stand your ground..
2007-11-06 04:00:13 · answer #8 · answered by True 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't, you are being honest. He can pay for her to come here, it'll save him the cost of his ticket. Its not fair of him to desert his 15yr old who is still trying to get over her mothers death just two years ago. Don't buy his manipulative passive aggressive BS, his children are his responsibility not yours.
2007-11-06 04:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋