is anyone else having this problem with Step children?

Question

Ive only been in the picture for a year & a half.
Im 27, my boyfriend is 27 & he has an 8 year old daughter.
when i first started dating him, his daughter was 6. I knew from day 1 that she had major issues. I guess she was diagnosed w/ ADHD when she was 4 or 5.

Shes Extremely hyper. Nonstop talking, cant sit still, cant stay focused, always interrupting everyone and everything.

Not only does she have a severe case of ADHD, she also has rage issues. She bully's other kids, & hits people.
She doesnt listen, shes always saying NO. She has a big attitude 24/7.
she gets in trouble everyday in school.. either for bullying other kids, talking back to the teachers, talking too much & talkin out of turn, gets out of her seat too much, gives dirty looks to the teachers & other kids. Now we have a meeting friday at the school reguarding her behavior.

Since day 1, ive had problems w/her. My boyfriend works all day long & I watch her. Im w/her more than any1. WE'VE tried everything. Help???

ANYONE ELSE GOING THROUGH THIS TOO? STEP PARENTS OR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS?

a little more info.. She is now taking Vitamins called attend. We have done everything we possibly could.. by time outs... groundings.. taking away things. We've been too strict... not strict enough. BTW her real mother is not in the picture nor is she ever going to be.

she had issues way before her mom even left the picture

we put her in dance class and we ended up taking her out of it because she was disrespecting the dance teacher.. not paying attention.. getting upset if she didnt get the moves right etc..

Answer 1

I totally understand what you are going through, my son has ADHD. You might want to try taking your child to her pediatrician so that they can refer you to a Psychiatrist. The Psych will do some tests and put her on a trial of meds. Just be patient and get medical help.

Answer 2

I just have to add my two cents in. I saw an epidsode on the "Nanny" a while back. There was this boy who has the same diagnose and what worked was, personal attention and positive reinforcement. The nanny show the mother that she needs to give this child a personal one on one time and a lot of praise and positive attention to turn his condition around. I don't know if it actually work, but at the end this child had a completely different attitude. I thought it was amazing in that short period time that the nanny can change the child.

From personal experience, I had a grown (17) step child who came to live with me and her father. Let me tell you, she was the most defiant little satan she is and very lazy as can be. It didn't help either because her father, my husband didn't back me up. If I can make her disapear, I would and until now she never thank us for taking her in under our roof, providing a nice warm place to live, and other stuff etc. not to mention the least. Car and all to drive around and not helping out at home, she think that where she live is not her property and she don't have to clean it. Husband didn't see it as a problem and we usually get into a fight about her and her stinky @*** free loading satan child.

Answer 3

I am a single parent and my son has sever ADHD and BiPolar disorder, through a combination of medication and behavior modification therapy he is doing very well. He now makes the honor roll, participates in sports, and makes friends.

These are very stressful conditions for parents, but try to understand they are even worse for the child. Also many kids have more than one thing going on so that they need to be treated for more than one condition.

What I did-
1) Read everything I could on ADHD and BiPolar.
2) Began applying behavior modification techniques CONSISTENTLY!!!
3) Took him to a therapist/psychiatrist.
4) Gave him medication prescribed by his psychiatrist, and read about different medicines.
5) Listened to his teachers and their advice.
6) Let his teachers know what I was doing and what was working.
7) Requested an IEP for him to help manage his behavior and schooling.
8) Joined a support group for parents.

I know how tough it can be having a child with problems, but don't give up on her because she really needs somebody pulling for her. Try to stay sane and be consistent with her. Please take the time to look over links I posted, you'll find some answers and help there.

God bless you all.

Answer 4

It is very nice of you to care 4 this child, ur man must see that in u, as far as the little girl, a lot of children can have an attitude when exposed to changes in their routine, perhaps a lot of things happened 2 her way before u came in the picture, where is her mother? I too behaved like that around her age, bullied kids, talked 2 much, never paid attention @ school, got in fights and trouble every frikin' week, tried counseling, get her involved in sports, make up a chart with rewards, like movie trip or small gifts or special treat the more positive she is, give her a love and understanding and try BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION THERAPY perhaps a child psychologist can help and due to her age it is extremely important u guys act NOW do NOT give her drugs as Ritalin or other stuff, the u will get a bigger problem, unless she is diagnosed by several specialists, but I wouldn't recommend them.

Answer 5

Most children who are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, part of the treatment is counseling. These issues need to be addressed with a counselor who can guide you & help you along the way. You will need help to get any control of an out of control child to keep it from becoming a power play between you & her. Find a good psychologist to help you & look into Jim Fay's Love & Logic program. It is a very good practical program that takes the stress & constant conflict out of the overwhelming daily life that you are in for. Just do a search on google for Love & Logic to learn more.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Keep working with her and don't give in no matter what. Tell her if she gets a good report for two weeks you two will go somewhere special or out to lunch or something. Maybe she may need medication. Talk to her pediatrician. You might even need a counselor. A lot of times step children have that attitude that since you are not their parent, they don't have to listen to you. You could also try enrolling her in Karate or some after school activity. Enroll her in something that teaches discipline.

Answer 7

Okay I know this will probably sound crazy but have you ever watched what she eats maybe the adhd has something to do with the food she eats like to much soda or to much sugar or wheat or gluten. It is worth checking into to see if diet can effect the way she acts. I also like the answer about giving her an outlet such as dance or karate maybe music would be a great outlet for her. other than that patients and love is all that is left!

Answer 8

I had a really tough time with my step-daughter. She hated me because her father loved me and brought her to another state to live. She immediately began breaking and stealing things. Within 3 years, she had managed to go through every shred of my personal belongings and stole over $4,000 worth of things that took me an entire lifetime to accumulate. I was heartbroken and finally told her father that he needed to send her back to live with her mother because I couldn't take any more of her evil ways. She had also sneaked to Planned Parenthood and was sleeping around from the age of 13. We were BOTH devastated by her behavior and counseling only seemed to make it worse.

I have no advice for you, dear one, but I certainly empathize! Being a step-parent takes a special person and even then, there are no guarantees that a child will adapt to a new living situation. There are books out there, though, so you might check that out.

God bless!

Answer 9

NO wonder she has rage issues! Poor little thing! I'd flip if I'd been abandonned by my mother. The only thing I can suggest is spend a lot of time with her. Tell her that you love her and that you always look forward to seeing her at the end of the day. Take her to the movies. Don't confront her. If you get close enough, she'll confide in you. She'll be testing her limits with you so no matter what, STAY calm and filled with patience. If she gives you a dirty look, smile at her and say, 'everything ok sweetie?" If she yells, bring her a snack and tell her you're craving ice cream and ask her to join you. That's the best advice I can give a step-parent for a child that has issues. Good luck! The ADHD isn't the issue, her anger is.

Answer 10

Well if you are not married, she is not your step daughter and if you cannot handle her you may want to rethink your roll in the relationship, right now it sounds like you are being used as the nanny.
Your boyfriend needs to lay down the rules with his daughter.
Children with ADHD need an outlet to express thm selves and get out some of their hyperness. Take her to the park more or a gym of some sort. Enroll her in programs that let her express herself--karate, dance, gymnastics