Violent boyfriend?

Question

Hi

A girl I work with has a boyfriend who has hit her a couple of times. She is such an amazing and beautiful person, we have got quite close at work and eventually she confided in me. I told her to get out of there straight away but she said its not that simple because they share a flat and bills and all sorts of stuff. He doesnt let her have any friends, she always makes an excuse about why she cant come for drinks on fridays after work, but I know its because of him. She said he doesn't have any friends himself so takes everything out on her. What should I do?

A couple of times I have been very close to getring a couple of the boys together and going round and putting this guy in hospital, but I know it would it only make it worse for her.

Any advice from anyone that has experience with situation is much appreciated

Thx for the answers so far. To the people saying it isn't my business. It wasn't me that instigated talking about this with her, and its usually her that talks to me about it not the other way round.

Answer 1

abuse is a vicious cycle. she needs to get the hell out of there! So far she has been lucky. Enraged, out of control b/fs can kill you! I know my sisters b/f put her in the hospital numerous times, and she would always go back. These azzholes belittle these women to where they start believing they deserve the beatings, and they have no esteem, so think they couldn't get anyone better to love them! Of course we all know its crap, no man should ever put their hands on a woman(unless its in a loving way)
Sounds like she is making excuses not to leave, but they could be legit. Tell her that she can stay with you,(no obligations) until she can get on her feet. Tell her not to worry about the bills, leave them with the idiot! Flats and possessions can be replaced, your life can't!
If you and your buddies need to accompany her over to her place to get her things do it, my guess is since he beats women he is a coward, and things should go smoothly. If not call the cops, they will allow her to get her things! Do not go assaulting him(although I know it's tempting!) The coward will have you arrested, and how can you be there for your friend if your in jail? See if you can get her to call a battered womans hotline, they might be able to talk some sense into her, or at least give her the courage to leave him
Be a good friend(as it sounds you are) she definatly needs you,as he has isolated her from everyone already, classic sign of an abuser!

Answer 2

Report him to the police and try to get her to testify.

Or, when he's gone for the weekend, get those guys with you and help her move out to another apartment. Move quickly and don't leave a note. Leave some $$ for the bills but nothing of hers, so he's broken off from her. No address, no phone #, maybe get a new cell. And talk to the police to help her have this guy kept away from her.

If she's uneasy about being alone, have a friend drive her back to her apartment or go with her to lunch so she's not alone.

Answer 3

The girl who is being abused has to make the decision to leave the relationship. It doesnt matter how much help you offer her unless she is actually ready to leave. I would not get anyone to go over and beat him up, because you and your friends would end up in jail, and she would probably end up right back with him..If she is serious about leaving him, she can wait until he is at work (if he works) one day, and pack up all her belongings and go stay at a friends house, family members house, or a shelter.. Tell her to also contact the police when he beats her, and put his a** in jail where he belongs..But, bottom line, she is the one who has to want to end the relationship and take the steps to put him in jail..

Answer 4

Maybe should should refer her to a battered women's group or something of that sort. There, they can tell her how to get out of the relationship and provide her a place to stay if she decides to move out and be able to help her financially. Also she would have support from other women who have/are going through the same situation as her. That could be the best step.

Answer 5

and they say chivalry is dead!!! i think that though its thoughtful and very brave f you to want to rally a butt kicking on her behalf the sad truth is that no one can help her until she LEAVES that situation. It is well know that domestic violence exists due to a physical emotional or economical dependency for the victim to the abuser. Once she breaks free she will rec the help she needs from family and friends and even organizations...but she has to be receptive to that help and follow up with a restraining order!!
She may have a limit of what she will take,or she may end up another statistic...its really up to her!! I would try to influence her to take measures to protect her safety. if shes ready to act is there is help out there. You have to want it

Answer 6

Oh dear.

This girl is in an abusive relationship with a madman. She needs to get out NOW, before he kills her.

Get her to talk with the police about that scuzzbag. Stay with her, if it will make her feel better. Chances are pretty good the boy has been guilt-tripping her too, so it will be very hard on her- but she'll feel much better once she's over the withdrawal.

Answer 7

I dont see a future for them, a man who hits a woman, will do it always, even though he might stop it for a while, he will start again.
She should get out of this relation as soon as possible before worse things happen.

Answer 8

The only way for your friend to get out the situation is ~She has to want to get out for herself~. when my boyfriend use to hit me i stayed because i was foolish and making up excuse for him. but then i realize it was getting worst. then i knew it was time to stand up for my self. Thats what your friend has to do, just try to talk to her and let her know that ,this is a serious situation and that she can one day die from it.~ And this is from personal experience~. but in the mean time be there for her. and if that dont work let her family or other friends know because she really can get hurt or even worst.

Answer 9

Thats cool that your trying to help, but its not your problem, dont get involved cuz then you will be in the middle of something you dont want to be. You gave her your advice, shes an adult and can make her own decisions. Tell her to get counseling too.

Answer 10

She is just making excuses. First, do you know for certain that he has hit her? Second, it is none of your business. You are developing feelings for her, feeling sorry for her and she is not helping herself.

You are doing well at making excuses for her and blaming everythiing on him, but in reality it takes two and she makes her own decisions. Wise up.