Respect? What to do when your father does not respect you?

Question

Okay, this is not a whiny question. I really need some input. It is obvious my father does not respect me. He puts me down in front of others. He doesn't apologize, even when accidentally physically hurting me. He has ignored me for 3 months now. So, I get it. He doesn't respect me. How do I handle this. With the holiday's approaching, I may be stuck not even attending the family gathering due to his treatment. FYI, I go above and beyond to show him respect. I'm truly at a loss. How do you participate in family affairs when the patriarch does not respect you.

Answer 1

Each time he disrespects you, calmly walk away. If it gets too much, just calmly tell him "I think too much of myself to be spoken to/treated like that. Any time you want to discuss what's really on your mind, my door is open." And then walk away.

A sign of maturity is the ability to discuss things. Belittling someone is not a sign of maturity.

Don't bother going "above and beyond" showing him respect if he isn't respecting you. Just take the higher road. Be respectful, but also be self-assured, which means protecting yourself from such sniping attacks.

Answer 2

What happened 3 months ago? What is behind his behavior? Have you asked him why he doesn't respect you? Whatever the issue, if you clear the air with him it might help.

It may be that his behavior has nothing to do with you. It may go back farther than when you were born and he takes it out on you. Ask him directly why he puts you down. Ask him directly why he ignores you. Ask him directly what his problem is with you. That will accomplish one of two things, either he'll talk to you about his issues and you can work together to clear things up or he'll just blow you off. If he blows you off, he will at least be thinking about the answers to your questions.

I suspect that he never had anyone directly ask for an explanation of his behavior. You have a right to be treated with respect. If he's unable to do that, he owes you an explanation. You won't know unless you ask. You may not know after asking but at least he'll get the message that you won't stay quiet and endure his insults. Call him on every one until he opens up and talks about it or just stops being so ignorant towards you. Don't let his behavior ruin your holiday family time.

Answer 3

Give respect where respect is due. Honestly, if you are giving it and not getting it, it is not fair to you. Some times, you have to step back, you have to let go, you have to do you. Maybe your absence from family functions might open his eyes as well as other family members as to the treatment you receive. Do not subject yourself to be in a place where you don't want to be, I know with the holidays coming and the all so every year family traditions, but to be someone's door mat is not what traditions are made of, respect self, first. You can still love your father from afar. God Bless.

Answer 4

I was searching for help here on yahoo abt the same topic and I found your question unresolved , I am getting through the same problem now , I am 21 , and as I am an Egyptian Muslim , some traditions here in our community asks you to respect your dad and treat him good though he treats u like **** or disrespect you , I have tried my best with him but I really cant go any further , he is not the worst dad on earth anyway , he is a high ranking man in the country , but its all about respects , he puts me down a lot , I failed during my first college year and this was about 4 years ago and I had to repeat the first year , he is blaming me for this till now , he wants to convince me that I am the only source of any family troubles and that he is ashamed of me , this really hurts and I feel I am really depressed because of him , we r not talking for about a month now and this is the longest period so far , last time I was asking him abt a very simple thing and found him shouting in my face and calling me with very bad words and then it turned into a physical thing , he hurt me in my ear that day , I am not talking with him and I dont want talk with him again though it is not an acceptable thing at all in the family ,, my brothers n mother are blaming me for nottalking with him , they r telling me that he is the house master and that we have to be patient as everyone has advantages and disadvantages , sometimes I feel that he doesnt understand me or understand how I feel , sometimes I feel may be I am senstive ,,,, now I dont even remember the last time he kissed me or chatted with me , he treats me like **** and I cant stand this anymore , I am done after a whole 5 years of a very mistreat..... I am very sorry to bother you with my story but I found some people here who tried to get out thier sadness and tell them abt the story , I personally dont have a certain solution....... I once told him that am alomost 22 and that it is not a good thing to call me names till now ,,,,, he said **** YOU..

Answer 5

You know, we learn to respect our parents at a very young age when they take the time to teach us about respect by RESPECTING US FIRST!

My father was the same as yours, and i don't even associate with him anymore. He was hateful, abusive, put me down all of the time, and was generally miserable.

I've come to realize that my father totally lacks confidence, and does not have a good sense of self-esteem, so he puts others down to make himself feel better. He hasn't a clue what respect is, so wouldn't know respect if it slapped him in the face. He is ILL from what i see, refuses to change, and i have come to terms with it...

Sometimes we have no choice but to accept others at face value, and do whatever it is to protect ourselves emotionally. If this means bowing out of christmas holidays, then do it for YOU.

Answer 6

Going with letterstoheather on this one Sport. It is sad but true that many parents are incapable of mutual respect and unconditional love. Many men are jealous of their sons, and they see their "lost youth" in them in the form of missed opportunities, bad decisions, etc.. Consequently instead of enjoying and reveling in their son's successes and future they become egocentric and distance themselves from the percieved object of frustration. He may in time come around, many men tend to chill down the road and come to regret their misplaced negativity. Let this be a good example in your own parenting/potential parenting. Forgive him for his shortcomings and continue to act in the respectful loving manner that you have regardless. You are a bigger man for it and will earn tenfold the respect of others that you should have received from him.

Answer 7

Mine just smokes, drinks(EXCESSIVELY), and abuses family/friends/strangers alike.

gets himself stoned, acts like a total dick.


I got in a physical fight with him last year, when I was 16.
simple solution. -don't respect him.

I moved out - christmas is going to be oh-so fun this year. lol.


how old are you, btw?

Answer 8

Set your own rules....
Respect me and I will respect you.