Do Other Military Wives Have This Issue?

Question

I have a good friend back home who's husband has been to Iraq and is back home now and he is fine. But she still has problems dealing with him being there, in danger and away from her and their family. She thinks this is odd, I have to agree I don't know why she still feels stressed out now that he has returned home safe and sound. So I thought I'd ask if any other wives have experienced this feeling before to hopefully make her feel more normal.

This has been a few years ago...just to clear this up a bit.

Excuse me but how in the he!! does it sound like she is in it for the benifits?? Really? She is only stressed and worried about her HUSBAND she could give two sh!ts less about the military benifits in fact she has as little to do with most of the "military life" !

Okay I think some are misunderstanding what I was trying to say lol lets try this again. She is feeling anxious about his time he spent in Iraq even though he is home safe and sound. She has no problems dealing with letting go of some of her additional duties that she took care of while he was gone. Sometimes she'll think about the time he spent there and what could have happend to him and she gets sad to the point of tearing up.

Answer 1

She had to deal with the possibility of the "knock on the door" every day that he was gone, and it unhinges some people. She really needs to look into counseling. It happens.

MSgt, USAF (Retired)

Answer 2

I can completely understand...I developed horrible insomnia while my husband was gone. When he returned, the insomnia didnt just go away. It probably took 6 months or more. This deployment has been the worst ..I have seen someone about it and was told it was stress induced. When my hubby returned after 1 and 2 esp 2, I did have the same types of feelings that you are describing that your friend is feeling. Being worried when he took off to store or to see a friend..whatever. I felt like he had been out of my sight for so long...I don't remember when those feelings ended..they just did..
There is also something something I don't think anyone has mentioned..guilt. We, women,, especially if we are mothers, can create and carry alot of guilt. This deployment has been as deadly for my hubby's unit as the other two. When we get notification (after family of course) and you thank God it wasnt yours. I felt extreme guilt because as horrible as I felt for the family...you were grateful it was, again, not yours. Then feel guilty for feeling that way. Its all very confusing.. My hubby says its almost like the guilt he felt when he saw it happen..thanking God he got another chance to see us together again but wondering why not him for example if he had just been in that spot. I hope Im explaining this correctly because its taken a long time to come to the place I am.
It is a big adjustment for everyone when our loved ones come home. We have had to care for everyone and everything at home mostly alone, in addition to worry, cry, and not sleep.
I am not at all taking away what our brave men and women go through downrange. Our jobs at home are just as hard just in different ways.
If this has been going on for years as you say, she needs to get some help sorting out all these conflicting feelings. It at this point probably not go away on its own as other people have said. She needs and deserves some peace..
Please tell her to hang in there and she is strong enough to get help for this.
Proud Army Wife!! HOOAH!!

Answer 3

Just like the Soldiers return with stress and fear of a quick return Wives fear the return of their husbands. Most enlisted have been to Iraq more then once so imagine if she has gone through this more then once, your naturally happy that your better half is back safe and sound yet you start to think about having to go through this once AGAIN!!! My husband is preparing for his THIRD!!!!! deployment to Iraq, and it is always on the back of your mind and heart. Being a Military wife is not the easiest task we have more concerns that the civilian wife does not endure, we married into the military not joined it so we have to accept all that comes with the territory. If there in the Army they can contact ARMY ONE SOURCE they provide free counseling for every situation if they are in another branch there is so many resources for her to reach out to with out him or his unit knowing....her best bet....to share her concerns with her husband he probably has some anxiety himself. Good Luck!

For Marine Corp www.mccsonesource.com
For Army www.armyonesource.com
For Navy www.navyonesource.com
For Air Force www.airforceonesource.com

Answer 4

while your hubby is off doing his duty. the wife at home must carry on no matter what. she gets into a routine of doing everything herself. she plays the roles of mom and dad. when the hubby comes home it is hard to re-adjust. it is hard to get back into the swing of things. this takes time. maybe she needs to let go of some of her duties and hand some off to her hubby. she needs to talk with him about how she is feeling. communication in a military family is so important. if you dont, marriages can fail. what she is feeling is normal, but it should pass after a few weeks or a month or two. the military has so many help options out there. have her check out her local fleet and family center, or have her go to militaryonesource.com. very helpful information. im sure that she will see something on that website about situations like hers. good luck and tell her to be strong.

Answer 5

Sounds like she is having a hard time adjusting. Or maybe she is stressing about the next deployment? I know that my husband's unit isn't even home yet, but they are already talking about the next deployment.

Maybe she could seek some counseling. I am sure she can get it for free or for cheaper on post.

Answer 6

My wife was a newly wed when I went to Viet Nam in '66, I was there for two tours (two years) with the Rangers in the Northern Highlands, with the Hmong. Sometimes although she's see the news and the wounded being loaded on choppers, she wouldn't hear from me for up to six weeks due to the circumstances. I was wounded but couldn't be evacuated, again due to circumstances.

Because of the political tension over it and, the way the American public felt, we never mentioned it when I came home. Eventually we just forgot, when my younger daughter was about 30 she asked me if I was "in the war dad" I just told her "Yea" and, let it go.

Somethings are best forgotten.

Answer 7

it is completely normal. Many times wives don't let themselves worry while they're gone. Its denial, part of a defense mechanism. When this happens, it is common to have her fall apart and become clingy and nervous once he is home--- it is a release of all of the emotion she has kept inside while he was gone and she is finally allowing herself to feel. This should pass. The adjustment period is one of the toughest part of deployment. If it doesn't get easier for her, she should go seek help.

Answer 8

She just needs some down time, she has been on high alert while he was gone. You just don't turn your emotions off and on like a electric switch or water tap.
She needs to adjust him being home, his new routine, he will not be aware of her high stress, he might want to take her away for the weekend. I am sure they can find a baby sitter... they need to discuss her concerns, not cater to them and make it worse, and reassure her. She will be okay by Christmas .. give her time.

Answer 9

Not a military wife but this is a normal phenomenon. Post traumatic stress disorders are very real and very well documented. Think of stress like having the flu. You don't feel better overnight . . . it can take days or weeks to recover. Stress is the same . . . It could take years for her to fully recover.

Answer 10

she needs to go talk to someone about her fears...it is normal to be stressed about it even after he gets home...now she's dealing with the "what ifs" and that's not heathly for her mental well being...esp since he's home safe and sound...just keep being her friend and i would recommend that she go talk to someone even if she talks to the chaplain...