I want a Formal Wedding ceremony but a very informal Reception...Will this work?

Question

My fiance and I are aiming for a 2010 wedding. We are both 41 years old now. I want the big Church wedding that I've always dreamed of. Over the years we have both met so many friends and we both have large extended families. My idea is to not have a sit-down reception but a BIG dance with hors d'oeuvres served throughout the evening. I've just started reading the Bridal books, and they say Formal, semi-formal etc...Can I make this idea of mine work??? Any Suggestions? I'm also thinking maybe we could have the ceremony on Friday and then the dance on Saturday...This would help us, the Bride and Groom, too since we both have back problems and find it difficult to stand for long periods of time...and the guests would not assume that there will be a formal meal ~ since we can state " Dance to be held ..." on the invitations. All Ideas Welcomed...

Answer 1

Sounds unworkable to me. It's a bit much to expect people to get dressed up and drive to the church one day, and then also give up the following evening to attend your party. Your wedding is a very large part of YOUR life, but to most of your guests it will be a very SMALL part of THEIR lives.

You can't have a "big dance" or any other sort of party that lasts 4 hours or more without serving "real" food instead of snacks. Don't go to bridal books and magazines for guidance; these are sponsored by The Wedding Industry and are more interested in getting you to spend plenty of money than in telling you what is practical or correct. Go to Miss Manners or Emily Post; they aren't trying to sell you anything.

Sorry to be such a "wedding grinch" but better you hear it on Y!A than catch flack about it from your new inlaws for the next 20 years.

Answer 2

Hi and congratulations!

I have a few ideas/thoughts.

First of all...I am NOT, NOT, NOT trying to bash your dream wedding idea at all...but, why wait until 2010? At 41 years old, I am assuming you both have established careers, etc. Why not have the wedding of your dreams in 2008? I certainly would not want to wait 2 more years if I was 41. (I'm 51). Anyway, it's your decision.

Second of all...yes, have a big church wedding BUT have the reception the SAME DAY/NIGHT. As a guest, I would not want to get dressed up on a Friday night and go to a wedding, then go home, and then have to get dressed up again on Saturday night to go to the dance/reception. That is asking a lot of your guests.

There is NO problem having the big formal church wedding and a more laid back reception. That is perfectly acceptable, but do them on the same day!

Also, if you are only serving hors d'oeuvres, make it more of a night "thing." It would be rude to serve your guests just hors d'oeuvres at a time when a meal is expected (say between 5-7 p.m.) A buffet is really the best option if you are having lots of guests. OR...have a reception/dance with hors d'oeuvres say STARTING at 7:30 or 8 p.m.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First of all, and most importantly, you need to realize that a lot of things can happen between NOW and the year 2010 so I would NOT give anyone a deposit at this time no matter how much they encourage you to "reserve their services now."

You cannot not have "a reception" the day (or two weeks or three months) after your wedding ceremony. You can only have "a reception" on the day that you are married, the two events must occur on the same day. You can have "a party" or "a celebration" the day after your wedding ceremony BUT you cannot have "a reception."

The invitation can read "a celebration in honor of Mary and John's marriage on June 1, 2010" OR "a party to celebrate Mary and John's wedding on June 1, 2010."

This past June I planned and organized a wedding and reception for a Bride and Groom that wanted to do something similiar. They had "a formal" wedding ceremony at 5PM followed by "a cocktail party" reception at 6PM. All of the guests were encouraged to "dress to impress" (and they did). The Bride and Groom invited over two hundred people, hired a first class caterer, a professional photographer, and a small band. The Bride and Groom made it clear to all of their guests through a newsletter and their web page that a three or five course dinner was NOT going to be served at 6PM but there would be plenty of champagne, a wide variety of appetizers, and lots of great music to dance to. The formal garden ceremony was beautifully decorated with bright pink and lime green decorations and the banquet hall carried that same theme. The Bride and Groom wanted their reception to be "relaxed . . informal . . and enjoyable" even though they asked their guests to come properly dressed (the ladies wore cocktail dresses and the men wore suits).

The reception was a success cause the wedding guests knew well in advance that dinner was not going to be served. The Bride and Groom felt that having a good time with their friends and family members was much more important than a chicken dinner.

Did the Bride and Groom save any money by eliminating dinner? Probably not, because they had a huge variety of hot and cold appetizers, good champagne, a five tiered wedding cake, gave all of their guests a bag full of homemade cookies as they departed, and the band cost twice as much as a Disc Jockey.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant, and A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 4

Hi Gwen,

Before you know it, it will be 2010!! I think a big Church Ceremony would be great with a Dance. I am not sure if doing it over a two day period is a great idea, tho, just my opinion. It is just that those who need sitters or time off work - you are looking at two days. I think if you had an early ceremony Saturday Afternoon say 1-2pm - then that evening you could have the Dance, do not have to start until 7pm?? You would get a chance to rest your back etc.

Also, I think it would be harder on your back doing a Wedding over a two day period!! You would not really rest, because you would be planning on both days away.

I hope this makes sense.

See ya, Bev

Answer 5

My question would be, would you expect people to change clothes or just act very casual and kick off their formal shoes? My first inclination is to have your DJ, and the decorations set the mood. You could have an optional shoe check at your reception hall to go with the coats so that people know they don't have to keep up appearances. Maybe some themed drinks would also set the tone. Instead of the typical fare, to go with your appetizers you could have drinks named after you and close friends or family members like "Uncle Larry's Very Dirty Martini" or "Susie's Rockin' Rum Punch" etc. Anything that will help you set the mood you're after.

If you plan to wear something less formal and your reception is close enough to everyone's homes then you may want to let everyone know that you will be taking photos inbetween the ceremony and the reception in order to give them ample time to get their dancin shoes on! An insert in the invitation with more casual wording (or outlandish party-like wording) should do the trick.

best wishes!

Answer 6

I don't think you should have them on separate days. If you are not having a full sit down dinner, which takes up most of the time at a reception, then you can probably just have a 2 or 3 hour long party after the ceremony on Friday night. Ceremony at 6pm and party from 7 to 10 or something sounds fine.

Answer 7

I think your idea is great. We had friends that had the big formal church wedding and had a cake and punch reception in the church basement. The next day they had a wonderful informal back-yard bbq. Shorts and tee-shirts and kids running everywhere!! It was great and everyone seemed to have a good time. the bride and groom were relaxed and able to enjoy their first party as husband and wife. It is your day or days so do what you feel is right for you.

Answer 8

Sure you can do that. Having the "dance"on a separate day would be difficult for out of towners, and also could be an imposition on peoples schedules. The type of reception you described is a cocktail reception and is becoming more and more popular. Good luck, God Bless, and have a great time. Remember to look around and notice the day.

Answer 9

My only concern is that for many people, they wont want to attend 2 events on 2 different days. I know I wouldnt. That is a lot to ask of people. So they might only attend one event.
I dont know why you cant have the formal wedding with an informal reception right after- thats the usual formula, and it works.

Answer 10

amazing's answer is great.

have you seen the movie 'inventing the abbots'? joaquin phoenix and liv tyler. during the move thegirls have dances to celebrate an event. the dance-reception-party they throw in the movie is what you're looking for. watch the movie and tell me i'm wrong.
friday night you get married and sat. you celebrate? no. i don't see people going to two places on two different nights..assuming your wedding will be at a different location than the dance.
congrats! have a great life. =)