My dad is getting remarried in a month, and he asked me to attend his wedding. It's going to be painful to see him get married, and I don't know if I can suck it up enough to go. Also my mom doesn't want me to go, because of how my dad has treated my dad like crap over the years. Also this marriage will cause emotional and financial problems for my mother. I don't know what to do...
2007-11-05 17:41:14 · 15 answers · asked by Daniel k 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Did your mother manipulate your father the way she's manipulating you? If so, no wonder they didn't stay together.
Go to the wedding if YOU want to. Don't go if YOU don't want to. Your mother is (or is supposed to be) a grown-up. You attending a wedding for a couple of hours is not going to kill her. If she can't handle it, she needs to seek psychological help and quit trying to use you to get back at him. He's not married to her anymore - his relationships are none of her business.
2007-11-05 17:47:16 · answer #1 · answered by gelfling 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Wedding ceremonies commonly include a part where those attending can "speak now or forever hold your peace." Between now and then, try to separate the pain your mom feels from your own. Consider asking yourself how the his marriage specifically threatens you, and once prepared seek a meeting with your father to voice your concerns. Also see if the new stepmom wants to establish a positive relationship with you, and consider if you are open to receiving such a blessing if offered. You don't have to agree with everything, nor do you have to close yourself to everything.
2007-11-06 02:01:16 · answer #2 · answered by Tommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you approve of this marriage or not? I personally wouldn't go and put an approval on a situation that is definitely going against the moral and ethical grain. That doesn't mean you can't be friendly to him and the new lady but it doesn't mean you are being disloyal to your father either. I say you already know in your heart since you know what he is doing is wrong. You just keep supporting your mother as well as you can because you are making the right choice then even if he doesn't. Just make sure you don't keep a grudge in your heart by your choice of actions and that neither of your parents influence your decision through pressure to please them or to take sides. You don't have to put yourself through it if you don't want to.
2007-11-06 01:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Lovin' Mary's Lamb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you seem to be the meat in the middle of your parents' sandwich. That's not fair to you and you should express to both of your parents your concerns (gently of course, without blame. Pointing the finger of blame resolves nothng and heightens everything). As for dad getting married, despite what happened to your family your father has a right to be happy. You want to him to be happy, right. Likewise, everyone in your family has a right to this. I'm not really sure what you mean by this new marriage causing financial problems for your mother. Your mother should have to fork out for her ex's wedding. I assume that you mean things like the commute (for you and your siblings if you have them) from place to place. Hun, your parents should work that out between them. Easier said than done. But tthese things have a way of resolving themselves. Don't fret about possible stresses until they are actually in your face otherwise you will feel stressed out and anxious too much. As for attending the wedding, do what is right for you. Think about it long and hard. Don't go to please/not please either parent. Remember, you are a person too and you have to consider yourself. Take care and I hope your situation gets less stressful pretty soon
2007-11-06 01:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by Angel2000 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A divorce is hard, but the remarriage seems harder. I believe you should do what you want to do. Don't let your mom or your dad influence you to go one way or another. If you don't want to go then don't go. Your dad should understand that this is a hard time for you, and he should not push you into something that would hurt you. Do what makes you happy and be with those who make you smile.(end quote) This is a hard and difficult time, but be strong, and don't worry about hurting one of their feelings. You are the one in the middle getting the hardest punches. Good luck, and God Bless.
2007-11-06 10:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by 4-GiVeN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no former father and former mother for you.You must respect both of your parents although they are not together in a married relationship.You must be a good son for your father and also for your mother.Please give an honest explanation to your mother why you will attend the father's wedding..You must treat well your mother and you must helpfinancially to your mother.You must suggest to your father to help your mother financially especially if you have younger brother and sister who need financial assistance.The financial burden for young kids is the responsible of their father if he got divorce from their mother..
2007-11-06 02:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can your dad's marriage impact your mother financially? if he is ordered to pay alimony or child support, his marriage would NOT change that. your mother might be pulling your leg about the financial hardship issue.
your dad is your dad. your mom is your mom. your mom isn't doing you any favors by discouraging your relationship with your dad (unless he has a terrible vice).
how old are you? if you are an adult, then you should determine whether or not you want to go. if you are a child and live with your mom, it might make your life more tolerable to cave into her wishes.
i'm sure your dad knows the emotional blackmail your mom is pulling on you. it's probably not a secret to him. and i think that your mom is probably jealous that he is "moving on" before she moves on.
this is probably a precursor to your future. your mother is never going to want you to spend the holidays with your dad. every situation is going to be your mother calling the shots. if you are an adult, it might be a good time to make a decision for yourself and not let your mom guilt you into something you might regret.
2007-11-06 01:54:11 · answer #7 · answered by rt63376 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry about your situation.
This is a decision you'll have to make for yourself. I know you want to do right by your mother, but if you don't think you can suck it up, then I wouldn't go. You really don't want resentment to take over. I would say pray about it and ask God for guidance. I will also say a prayer for you and your mother.
God Bless
† New Mission Prayer Warrior †
2007-11-06 01:51:43 · answer #8 · answered by tracy211968 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really your choice.
Maybe make a pro & con list to help you decide.
If you decide not to go, maybe invite your Dad out for a special dinner with his fiancee in two weeks or so--your treat. That way, you can offer them your congratulations & have private time with them both, but not be in the awkward social situation.
2007-11-06 01:46:24 · answer #9 · answered by embroidery fan 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your parents got a divorce not you. You be loyal to both of your parents. Their relationship does not reflect the your worth to both of them That is their problem. Remember that there are two sides to every story. What is your version? What do you want to do. If any parent antagonizes the relationship with the other, it is not RIGHT. You have the right to have a loving healthy relationship with both parents. Tell them to go to parenting classes which most states requires to couples that have kids and get a divorce.
2007-11-06 01:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by twelfntwelf3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋