im gonna be 23 in 5 days, already have a 3 yr old n ppl r pressuring me to have another kid?

Question

what am i supposed to do, i want to continue my studies and have a career but no one is supportive not even my husband pls give me some serious suggestions.

thanks for the response, i agree to all of you n still waiting for more answers.

thanks bosox27 but i stay 24 hours away from my parents n family by flight dont have any social groups i just have to depend on my husband for everything i stay all day alone with my 3 yr old, my husband wants me to have a career hes supportive but he still thinks like his parents who r old enuf to be called my grandparents how should i handle this im in a big emotional mess!

my hubby is 11 years older than me

Answer 1

Its a decision that you and your husband need to make together without pressuring each other, or dealing with outside pressure. For anyone else trying to get their two cents in, you can tell them, honestly, to butt out and mind their own business...this includes grandparents.

You (as a couple) do want to look at your finances, your schedule, your goals, before deciding you want to conceive again. You can get pregnant, assuming you have a healthy reproductive system, for the next 20 years or so, so you really don't have to feel like you are in any biological hurry. It is nice to have a two income family as long as possible before adding another child...

On the other hand, some of the biggest miracles in life happen when we least expect them...including unplanned children. Some other things to consider, it may be easier raise children closer in age than further apart...as well as how much nicer it might be for the kids when they are closer in age (having a buddy in their peer group). It may be easier parenting children when you yourself are younger, even though there is a certain wisdom that only grows if you wait.

It is also arguable that you will never really have enough money or energy to expand your family. You just have to commit that this is what you want and grow in the blessings that a bigger family affords, without too much looking back or complaining about what you missed by having more kids.

As far as career goes, consider that if you stay at home with any number of children, even if it is just to get them into kindergarten...you still have to somewhat start over by reintroducing yourself to the job market. It may be that dad can stay home for a while if you really want to work until they get to school age.

I do have my own opinions, but don't take any of that to heart. These are just things to weigh out for yourself.

Answer 2

Well, tell those pressuring you that when they are ready to carry, give birth to and raise the second child for you, they'll have a say in it. It is beyond me why people think that because a couple has one child, they simply must have another. My husband and I have a three - year - old, and we don't plan to have any more. First of all, we feel complete the way we are. When intrusive people ask when we're going to have Baby #2, I tell them that when you get a kid as wonderful as ours, you don't need to rush out and try for another. If they keep pushing, I tell them the other reason - that Hubby and I lost our angel baby on September 7, and we're not sure we want to risk going through the emotional pain of losing another baby. That usually embarrasses them into leaving us alone.
If your husband isn't supportive of you completing your studies and having a career, try leaving him alone with your son child for a week. Just take off and tell him you're going to stay with your parents or something. I assume you're a full - time mother; let him see what it's like, and how much work it takes to raise a child. Of course many fathers see no problem with having another baby; they don't get pregnant, give birth, breastfeed, or become the full - time caregivers.
So give him a little taste of what it's like, and maybe then he'll shut up. If that and explaining to him how important having an education and a career are to you, you'll have some serious thinking to do - would you rather have a fulfilling career by yourself, or make unnecessary sacrifices for a guy who doesn't support you but whom you love?

Answer 3

This issue is no one's business except you and your husbands, so a polite "I'm not ready for another child yet" should suffice. If people keep asking, keep repeating.
Your hubby is another matter though. Try to give him a timeframe, perhaps you can have another baby once you've finished your degree, or have worked for a year. The two of you need to come to some kind of compromise or it'll cause trouble in your marriage.

Answer 4

Think, is what you WANT to do a good thing, helpful, constructive? Then you have your answer.
People for many reasons pressure others, in your case, it may be jelously of what you are accomplishing, or about to, not wanting you to suceed where they have failed in their personal endevors.
Husbands, now, sometimes they mean to encourage, but then sabatauge at same time, they don't actually mean to, almost a subconsious type thing, but pay attention, if that is happeneing, chanches are he is insecure, maybe afraid you will "fly the coop" when you get through school and a good job, who knows. But if you suspect this i strongly recommend counseling to help you both to understand what is going on and that he needs to be supportive of you, your a "team" working for the betterment of YOUR family, not anyone else.

Answer 5

don't listen to what other people have to say. you have to deal with the ups and downs of a child in your stomach for 9 months, so shouldn't you be able to decide if that is whats best for you?

if you are not ready to have another child, wait!! don't let the influence of what other people say decide your decision, they don't have to take care of the new born child like you will have to. As for your husband not being supportive, talk to him about it. That's not okay at all... he needs to know that this is just not something that is a good idea in your life right now...that you feel like you have your hands full and with all of the other pressures of other people already, you at least want his support.

Let it be your decision in the end. If you feel you aren't ready for another child , wait! You want what is best for your unborn child right? So why don't you wait until it is the right time to bring another life in the world!

Good luck!

Answer 6

Well, how do you want to live your life, by what other people advise you or by what you think is suitable for your and your family. You can talk it out with your husband let him know what you want to do right now. If you want's to pressure you for another baby, lay out the plan of you being home financially or childcare. Weight them out to see which one work for both of you.

When hubby was switching job between the airlines, it was very hard for us financialy a couple years ago. Our 2nd child came as a surprise and when she arrived I had to get a summer job for a few weeks to make ends meet. Now, that we are doing financial better, we think it's better for me to be home raising the kids rather than farming them off to someone to rare our kids.

Answer 7

do what you think is right, although it is a lot easier to have them so close together. i am 23 yrs old and have 2 children ihad my daughter when i was 17 and my son when i was 19. i know it is hard but think about it for a minute... if you are planning on having another child, why wait to do the things the chalenges you as a mother(the first 0-5 year of a childs life). but do what you think is best for you and your child and husband... from one mother to another...

Answer 8

Tell everybody to take care of their own business. Your husband only knows you are not trying if you tell him . Right? And don't share what you call a secret with even your mother. And no one else. When one other person know it. It is no longer a secret. Use your head for more than a hat rack. Don't let anyone talk you into having children to care for before you are able to take care of them without help. Most marriages end in divorce. Hopefully yours will not. But be prepared. Don't be no fool.Take care of yourself and remember there is a future for you.

Answer 9

hi,
i'll just say from my own experience, do NOT have another child because ANYone is pressuring you, that's just not a good enough reason, as i'm sure you already feel.

i was married at 15 and had 4 children by the time i was 23...no twins! there is something to be said for being young with your kids, but it seems to be getting more and more difficult for parents to have good, quality time with them, even with just one. times change, the economy changes, people change too...i'm just saying, there are many considerations, more than ever i think.
whatever you decide, it should be more your decision than anyone else, period end.
be happy

Answer 10

tell them it's your body an your not ready and they can just live with it