What would you say to your mom?

Question

Or would you say anything? Here's the thing:

My mom is in her late 50's, 5'2" and about 165 lbs. She has a tiny frame and should only be between 110-120. She has for YEARS blamed her weight gain on having turned 35, and as my 35th birthday approaches, I keep hearing more and more about how I'm supposedly going to "not be so skinny" anymore and "you don't think it'll happen to you, but it will" and "age is a terrible thing, just you wait and see, it'll be your turn soon".

She blames it entirely on her age and not on the fact that she overeats. I mean SERIOUSLY overeats. I don't know about during the week--she follows her version of one of the levels of the South Beach Diet--but the weekends, she's admitted that she eats whatever she wants, from Friday evenings when she eats out with my step-dad to Sunday evening. When we're over for supper, she must eat 3 times the amount I eat. She's definitely a "live to eat" person whereas I'm much more of a "eat to live" person. ...

I'm just getting really sick of hearing it almost every time we're together or every time she brings up her weight issues on the phone. She has ALWAYS eaten poorly--partly due to having been 95-105 lbs for years and eating whatever she wanted (no, she wasn't anorexic or bulimic, just how her metabolism was until it changed when she was 35), did not exercise regularly until she became overweight (and now it's very sporadic, but usually at least one run a week) and just seems truly convinced that age is to blame and not her eating and exercise habits. I'm sick of hearing the comments directed towards me and my step-dad (she has him convinced, too, that he could never be a 'proper' weight again because "old ages does things to your body, hun") and I'm really tired of her pigging out then turning around and blaming old age for her condition. But, knowing her, if I say anything, it would have to be very carefully worded or she'll flip out.

So, what would you say?

I should perhaps add that my mother has yo-yo dieted for about 20 years. She's done SlimFast and Weight Watchers and this and that and the other. She was doing SUPER well on the South Beach diet--had gotten down to 135, her goal weight, and was looking at going for 130--but then this and that and the other happened and that success has been forgotten. She's convinced that she'll NEVER be 135 again (even though it was only a year or so ago) and I suspect this is a subconscious acknowledgement that she's not willing to change her habits to get to that weight. All of her talking about it is really an excuse, isn't it? A way for her to defend what she does and to not feel bad about doing what she, on some level, knows isn't right? She doesn't have to look at her own personality flaws if she can just blame it on her body, right?

Still doesn't help me figure out if there's something to say to her...

Answer 1

Well, it IS true that when you grow older, your metabolism slows down. Where as your mom may have been able to eat a lot when she was younger, her metabolism had changed and she can't burn the fat off as easily. Maybe your mom is looking for some comfort and advice. I would suggest you to enter her in a Weight Watchers program or something of the sort. As for you, just keep excercising and eating healthy. When your mom brings up the topic, change it to something else to distract her.

Answer 2

Wow...you mom could be a "cruise director on a guilt trip". You don't need it. Your life is the choices that you make. Age does have an affect on our weight, but only as we allow it. I am 55 years old and in April (FINALLY) decided to do something about my HEALTH and MY WEIGHT. I started the Isagenix program and within 2 months shrunk from a size 14 to an 8...and released 40 pounds! The products have made me feel 15-20 years younger. I have more energy, am sleeping better, and I radiate good health. Go to your mom and tell her how much you love her...how much you value her in your life...how important she is to you...and how because you love her...you want her to "get healthy with you". This way, it is like taking a "trip with a friend"...and you can both improve her health together. If this doesn't work, release yourself from the "guilt". You have tried to help her. (I have had to do this with my mom and her smoking and bad choices. I love her, but can't change her). You are a unique and beautifully made individual and creation of God. Your gift to the world is taking good care of yourself and living your life to the fullest each day. God bless you lots <><

Answer 3

Well, I don't know if I would say anything. My own mom passed away at age 50 from Leukemia, I miss her very much. 165 is not morbid obesity, so I think I would not risk hurting her feelings. If she has read up on the South Beach Diet, then she already knows the information she needs, she knows the risks of overeating, so to say something won't be informing her of anything, just starting an argument.

Answer 4

her lifestyle choices are the sole reason why she is at her current weight. being overweight is not something that has to be "inevitable". most people keep the same eating habits their entire life and don't decrease the caloric intake with age and a decreasing level of physical activity.

Answer 5

buy an ipod and drown her out