How do you tell your mother she can't invite co-workers and neighbors to your wedding?

Question

I'm getting married in a few years and we are paying for the whole thing ourselves (we already started saving). I already asked my dad and he said he is broke, although he loves us as a couple. My parents however plan on inviting co-workers and friends and neighbors to my wedding. Their friends will outnumber my friends for sure. This is bugging me because I plan on having good quality food at the reception and on Long Island that can run more than $100 a plate.

I'm kinda pissed because my parents don't want to chip in but they want me to pay to entertain their friends and co-workers at my wedding.

Am I being irrational for wanting to elope?

Answer 1

You have to do what we had to do, give them a number of people that they can invite and tell them that it is due to cost. My mother in law wanted to invite everyone, including her hair dresser, and we had to sit her down and tell her that we are happy that she wants to share our day with everyone, but we can't possibly afford to invite them all. Tell them that they can have an X amount of people so that they have to narrow it down to who they really want to come. Don't budge on your number either. Price per head is expensive!

Answer 2

You said "in a few years" so this is not an immediate issue. However, when the time comes, set your budget and figure out how many people you can invite. You and your fiance total up your list. Divide the remaining spaces between the two sets of parents and tell them "you can invite XX people to the wedding. Can you get the list to me in the next XX weeks, please?" If the list has more people, simply ask them if they want you to chose the first XX people, or do they want to cut the list down themselves.

Don't let it become a fuss. The count you give to them is what you can afford and there is no more money for additional people. If they suggest adding money to invite more people, then tell them that might cause problems for your future inlaws, and you will talk to your fiance so the two of you can decide what to do. (stalling tactic) But, you have to graciously stand your ground and let them know you won't go into debt for your wedding, so there is no option other than sticking with the budget.

Good for you. I admire your proactive stance and thought you are putting into this. Best of luck!

Answer 3

You set the guest list, not them. They can give you people they want to invite but you have the final say. As a rule of thumb I laid down this law. *If either of us does not know them, then they are not invited* I too paid for an expensive LI wedding and had a huge fight with the inlaws because they wanted to invite half the free world. They were willing to pay for the extra guests but that wasn't the point. Our wedding was for us to celebrate a special day in our lives with people we know, love, and care about. I did not want strangers there. You may also want to set a guest limit per parent.
She probably doesn't realize how expensive everything is. It is quite unbelievable if you haven't done the pricing that even a simple wedding around here can easily run 20-30K.

Answer 4

Give your parents a number of people they are allowed to invite. If they want to have more than the number you are willing to allow them, then let them know gently that they will have to pay for those guests.
You have to remember they have probably been invited to the childrens weddings of all of these people and want to reciprocate. But I agree they should chip in on the cost.
If it really is too much for you to deal with, you can have a small, intimate wedding with close family and only your close friends.
Or elope! Have a party afterwards.

Answer 5

this is the most common argument with weddings who to invite, u have to be strong and firm, give them an exact # of ppl they can invite and that is all they can invite anything over that they have to pay for, also i would start saving, and not worry to much about it if the wedding isn't for a couple of yrs, they might not be friends with some of those ppl and will most likely have many different friends then what they do now, don't stress over to much now until the time comes :)
also when u do do the invites don't just hand them over make sure u mail them so u know exactly who is getting one!

Answer 6

Sit them down and explain your feelings and say it is OK with you if they each invite no more than 1 person with a partner, but you simply cannot have more than that without having to leave out some relatives (that should make it clear enough) If they don't fall in with it then, if the hubby to be is also up for it to elope could well be the answer.

Answer 7

Oh, honey, hop on a plane for Vegas, now!

Just kidding. :)

It's time for the talk. The incredibly awkward, horribly painful talk. The bottom line is that, in weddings, paying = driving. When my in-laws paid for a big chunk of our wedding, I sucked it up and got married in their church. It was too generous for me to do anything else.

I'd be very clear about what you plan, what you expect it to cost and how you intend to pay for it. And then explain that they each have - what? 5? 10? - seats to fill as they see fit, but to cool it, because you cannot include everyone from their bridge club unless someone hits the Lotto between now and then.

They might argue that you could do it on the cheap, but I think you need to stick to your guns. While it might be nice to include more of your parents' extended networks, it is far easier for them to simply explain that their daughter is keeping things "modest and small" than for you to figure out how to feed the crowd.

When my sister and her husband ran into a similar situation, BTW, they did elope - to Hawaii. And they say they don't regret it.

Answer 8

in case you're permitting the different invitees to convey a targeted visitor, then you certainly could uniformly prepare that coverage and hence enable co-workers to convey a targeted visitor. otherwise, the commonplace etiquette rule is to ask co-workers who you recognize to be married (or legally to be in a family members partnership or civil union with yet another) to a marriage as nicely through fact the spouses or criminal existence companions or such of those specific co-workers; and to ask single co-workers, i.e. people who're no longer the two married or legally partnered as defined above, without targeted visitor. Please understand that it extremely is impossible for one to delight all others one hundred % of the time; and what you're worried approximately isn't probable approximately rudeness yet extremely approximately what's the right ingredient of do.

Answer 9

No, I completely understand this. It is totally frustrating, I would let your mother know that since YOU are paying for it, that you do appreciate her and would allow her to invite a few select friends but not everyone due to the high cost. Or you could just invite them to the ceremony and not to the reception.

Answer 10

I don't think that they don't want to pay, but that they can't. Weddings are a huge event for your parents, that's why traditionally the parents paid. It's supposed to be a social event for the family and friends of the family and your marraige is just an excuse to celebrate. Since you two are paying yourselves and can't afford to have that kind of wedding, tell your parents that it's just going to be a small get together of only your closests friends and family members.

Answer 11

Tell them you really want to invite all of them but since you are under a budget you just can give them a certain number of seats, ask them if they can pay for the rest of the guests.

Remember the way you ask for things is the same way you get back, so be nice try to understand them so that they can understand you.