Desperate for a Christian answer...serious answers only please.?

Question

This is an important question, so please only serious answers from Christians. My boyfriend confided in me about 3 weeks ago that for years, he has watched porn and masturbated. Of course, I was horrified, as he figured I would be. He said he has wanted to quit and finally feels like he has incentive to (me). That's why he even decided to tell me. He destroyed all of his porn and hasn't done it since. He says it's hard but he knows I will not put up with it. He has been reading books to help and everything.
I am a virgin and am waiting til marriage, which he respects. That's why this is so ironic. I can't help but wonder if God sent him to me to help him through this and see what is right. I love him and have no doubt that he loves me. I just don't want to look back years from now and regret not taking the "out" when I had the chance. What should I do? Thank you in advance for your answers.

I don't mean to sound "proud". I just mean he hasn't had any real Christian influence in his life until now and I am hoping to bring that to him.

Answer 1

First, none of us are perfect we all fall short of the glory of God. I'm sure you have heard this before and you have to admire a man that is strong and honest enough to admit to you that he did what he did and ask for your forgiveness. Most would lie and continue to keep it from you until you got married and already be addicted and looking for you to do the things the women are doing in the videos. Its not a reason for you to leave someone who hopefully treats you well in every other area and possibly loves you for all your faults...(as we all have them). What you should do is pray with him and pray for him. The flesh can be overcome...he needs to pray and ask God for forgiveness and you should not judge him, but again pray for him. If he is in the will of God and is serious about making a change in this area of his life God will see him through this. Thank God for allowing you to see this before you took the step to getting married and thank him for the breakthrough that will come.

Answer 2

I may not be Christian, but I feel I can contribute fairly to this. Regardless of whether or not porn/masturbation is a sin, it is something you are against, and that is the important thing.

He's willing to sacrifice that for you. To you, this may not be a big deal, but if he's been using it for a while, then he's used to it. I'm not sure if it was the combo that bothered you, or each part. If he's ditching the porn, ok, but if you insist that he stops masturbating, too, you're going to have trouble. Without that release, his years-long habit of keeping his desires under control will be gone, and he'll be very lusty. Regardless of your view, I recommend letting him masturbate... if nothing else, till marriage, when you would then be able to satisfy him.

Also, within Christian doctrine, there is none without sin, and Jesus forgives all sin. If he's willing to change... why would you consider dumping him for past sins? I assure you, you will never find any human on Earth who doesn't have a problem with sin in some way or another. Whether its lying, having too loose a tongue when angry (verbal abuse) etc, everyone has a problem. If you truly love the man, and feel that he loves you, then do as Jesus commanded: forgive him and move on.

The fact he's willing to sacrifice it for you is a major sign of his devotion to you.

Answer 3

I believe that most men have watched porn and masturbated.Men are different then women in their thinking and most wouldn`t think this was wrong,or if they did they would do it any way.Your fellow telling you about it makes me think that he wants to be up and honest with you because he didn`t have to tell you.Now don`t get me wrong here I`m talking about natural desire not some perverted idea how sex should be.Christians probably would think it wrong to have any sex with out being married but I guess too that would have to do with their belief system.I for one don`t like porn.I find it disgusting,I don`t find watching someone else having sex as stimulating.I do think that both men and women have masturbated,sex is natural,its not something we have to be a shamed of.What is wrong for one person might not be seen that way by some one else.Sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting adults,its a shame that it can be made very ugly by the wrong kind of use.

Answer 4

First,

As you and him seem to grasp, porn is poison. It is a poison that infects as high as 75% of Christians. He is doing the right things and needs a male accountability partner/group.

It is also very addictive. Chances are he will struggle with this for the duration. It seems there are only a few reasons he would have told you.

1) He may have thought you would be cool with it. Many are.

2) He may be trying to make it easy to part with you

3) He really cares for you and knows coming clean is the right thing (and it is).

Honesty and love and a grounding in Christ in a relationship can overcome nearly anything. Also, this is a demon (metaphorically) that you know. That makes it easier to fight. As cited earlier, there is a 75% chance the next Christian guy you find will at least have been exposed to it on some level.

I would do much praying, and see how consistent the rest of his Christian walk is over an extended period of time.

Don't hurry into anything permanent.

Peace to you

Answer 5

The Bible can give you all the best answers. However, the best advice I can give you is this. Pray about it. The only other thing I might suggest is something I've advised people a lot on here for different topics. Take 2 pieces of paper and write "Keeping Him" on one page and "Tossing Him" on another page. On the front sides write "pros" and on the backs write "cons". The thing that you really must focus on is do you love him? Obviously I'd say you do because you didn't just up and leave him. You are here trying to get advice. However, I'm afraid the best advice you will get is from God and yourself. Are you okay with knowing he has done this but has come clean about it? Or is this going to constantly be on your mind bothering you? The other suggestion I'd recommend is talking to a pastor or church couselor about this. Perhaps don't explain the explicit details, but say something like "My boyfriend confessed to doing something unclean but I still (or don't) love him. What advice can you give me?" Many times the counselor might be able to advise a scripture to you that maybe will help you. However, if you need one right now, I'm not sure where it was quoted from, but there's a verse that talks about we are able to forgive others because Christ first forgave us. If Jesus was capable of forgiving you for your sins and still love and be with you, perhaps you should do the same for this man that you love. Think over what I've said and see how it plans out. Just remember that God already has a master plan and whatever ends up the result, He knew it was going to come to pass. So really you can't make a "wrong" decision because it is what He planned all along.

Answer 6

Your relationship with him has potential.

Don't move quickly.

What is his relationship with the Lord? With Jesus?

You are too emotionally involved to be able to answer this question which is why you need help from a Pastor and his wife to figure this out.

Let him put his relationship with the Lord grow for a while and remember you need to let him grow.

I hope and pray you are attending a Bible believing church.

Has he been saved?

Born Again?

Don't suggest to him about water baptism, but wait for him to come up with that idea on his own.

That's one sign he is taking Jesus seriously.

Again you need the help of other more mature Christians to help observe and see if he's really serious about the Lord and serious about you.

Move S L O W L Y ! ! !

Pastor Art

Answer 7

It's not like you are going to marry him tomorrow,right?
I would take it really slow and if he starts pressuring you for any reason to have sex or anything remotely to do with sex I'd get rid of him Everyone deserves a chance to change but if he is gonna give up porn to be with you that doesn't sound
very good about what he thinks of you Did you ever think
God put him in front of you as a test for you? to Give up something you love dearly because it really isn't the type of person God would want you to be with.Try this tell him you guys should take a break and see other people for a while
If he goes back to his porn he isn't going to stop for you He should be stopping for GOD not for you He should be stopping for his soul not for youin the first place! What once you get married you'll be one of his porn stars when he closes his eyes Or what if he wants you to do some nasty thing that they do? Its just my opinion and you asked for it!

Answer 8

If a man or a women does not have a healthy sexual outlet for his or her God given sex drive. THen they will become perverted with shame. shame leads to many kinds of dysfunctional behavior. Sexual Addiction sexual sadism pornography that exploits and degrades women.etc etc.
The shame you have over sex, is perverted and not Gods will.
WHat is perverted is the shame instilled in both of you by another perverted shame based person. Probably a Pastor or a preist.
If God didnt want him to masterbate like a healthy and normal christian he would have put his private parts on his back.

Answer 9

Well Miss,
You have left your ages and maturity levels open to speculation, and I am left with the impression that you both are young---early 20's perhaps?

No matter-----as someone who has seen a lot of life and raised a family, I can tell you, we NEVER stop second guessing and questioning ourselves. Even when life is running smoothly, we tend to wonder about the other path we could have taken.

It can be summarized as " could have, should have, would have"............ if you have faith in your boyfriend and he in you, then trust in that faith...........you will always look back, no matter the route you take. The trick is to not let the looking back consume you with regret. When you feel you have gone as far as you can go, then go no further......It is not for me to tell you. Trust your God, and trust the instinct that He has given you.

Life is not about easy and quick answers., It is about making choices you can live with and then living with the choices you have made. It is about loving those we love, in spite of their faults-----as they love us in spite of ours.............

Answer 10

Keep praying that God will continue to give him the strength to quit. ANd always remember that no one is perfect and it takes time for anyone to change. He has made a commitment to God to change, and he already took the first step. Some guys don't take such a huge step. So thank God for that. I think you should be there for him. The best thing about a relationship is after you get through the hard times and still manage to make it together.. Always put God First in your life and keep praying and reading your bible. God will guide you on the right path.