Pagans, what can be done ethically?

Question

Ethical dilemma:
What to do with teens who show up to local Pagan events and classes, or who I just meet by chance who express an interest in Wicca? Our little group has a rule that anyone under 18 has to have signed parental consent or a parent present to attend. I think that is only responsible and I wish churches had the same rule. But I also worry that the kids we turn away are so desperate for information and so idealist and gullible that they are easy pick’ns for predators pretending to be Pagans/Witches. Some kids are afraid to tell their parents, because of the harsh treatment they will receive. I believe a few are truly called to this path. Most I think are just looking for something, anything different from what they’ve been taught. Many become so beat down by Christian friends telling them they are going to hell. Others have no guidance and end up embarrassing themselves when they go off half-****** talking about their “ancient religion” and how they can do this or that wild outlandish thing. I feel for them. But, I just cannot bear to break the consent rule. Is there anything that can be done for these teens, ethically?

My religion does not require it, but common sense does. In my state, the laws regarding contributing to the delinquency of a minor are vague. We don't want to be arrested. Also, as a parent, I would not want my kid off doing who knows what with who knows who. It’s that lovely golden rule.

These are all great answers. Thanks.

Answer 1

Recommend books for them to read in the meantime (Buckland, Cunningham, etc.), recommend websites and discussion forums and WitchVox, but explain that you can't consent to be their teacher until they are of age. Until that point, they will need to study on their own.

It's not only for your protection, it's for theirs, too.

Answer 2

That is a dilemma - I've tried to deal with it, too and it's tough. My web site has adult topics, so that's clear cut, but when they want to join an email group, it gets hard to say no.

On one hand, kids get a rush of magickal energy that includes their sexual awakening in their teen years, and our culture doesn't give them a way to deal with it. They do need direction so they don't hurt themselves or someone else. And as you stated, there are abusive people who will manipulate young unsuspecting people.

What I always wanted to do was hold public classes at a book store or something where anyone could attend and ask questions. Any time you deal with the public, though, you can run into problems. An open forum is usually safe, though, because there's no money exchanged, people are free to come and go, and you aren't alone with them.

There's also a concern about the fact that so many people view Wicce as a cult, though it's actually just the opposite. My general rule is to give books to start with, and tell them to come back when they are 16. Eighteen is just too long.

I have all my students of any age read three books:
Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson
The First Sex by Elizabeth Gould Davis
Positive Magic by Marion Weinstein.

If they can get through those books, they're serious enough to deal with and I can be pretty sure they've got at least rudimentary abstract thinking skills. Weinstein's book errs on the side of caution, so even if they do get off course around unreliable sources, they'll know enough not to hurt anyone.

Let me know what you work out.

Bright blessings~

Answer 3

hmmm, the right answer to the question. I have no idea how best to handle it, no matter what you choose there will have always been a better way in retropect, but I am a Wiccan, and serving in Iraq, and I run into alot of the same issues. Naturally the age issue is not a concern, but alot of people who are interseted are turned away by there peers who almostalways bash them about "Satan" worship, and how they are going to hell. we have set up a way for the ones who are interested in asking questions and learning of the Craft. We meet on Tuesdays and Saturdays at midnight for our service, but we also have a "study Group" meeting at 8:00p those nights as well. That way people can come and ask questions, without the pressure of being present for a "worship service". Maybe something like that would be a good thing for you, try to setup a group meeting before Esabats, and Sabbats, that parents and teens can come to in order to get information on the Craft. That way the parents can get the right info from the get go, and when they see that most of us actually live by a stricter ethical code than the Christian world, they might just let their teens at least get the right information, from creditable sources than just what they can find on the net, or in the library. I don't know if that is helpful, but it sure helped out here, we have had Brigade commanders attend the Study sessions to learn, and the attitude here on my FOB has changed dramatically. Hope this helps out. Just keep in mind the Rule of Three and the Rede at all times and may the God and Goddess guide you to the right answer. Blessed Be.

Answer 4

That's a really tough situation.

If you can have your classes at a public facility, then it is by its nature open, and you can at least fall back on that.

The reason most groups will require parental consent for teens is for self-protection. It is a means of protecting your organization from litigation or harassment. One possible solution might be to have a booklet which describes your beliefs, along with a parental consent form included. If you are required to turn someone away from an event, you are able then to offer them some good information which presents your beliefs in a respectable manner.

If the event is one of the major celebrations, the booklet could describe what is being celebrated on that day, along with a way for them to celebrate it at home. The consent card could be included with the book. You could also include an invitation to the parent or guardian to come with the child for the next celebration / class.

You might also consider offering some open classes that don't require parental consent. A workshop on making a Brigit's Cross can be used to teach a great deal, without presenting anything that would be considered offensive.

Just some ideas. I don't think there is an easy answer.

Answer 5

Organize a monthly get-together where they can come in, and aren't required to have parental permission, to ask questions to see if this is the path for them. In any religion there are hypocrites. I don't believe that a parent should be required to sign a permission slip for this type of thing, but that's just me. When I was younger I would have loved to be able to go somewhere safe to talk to a knowledgeable individual about their beliefs, if only to have a discussion, not being taught per se, since I didn't agree with the Christian religion that I was raised in. But having Christian parents, I never would have gotten permission from them to do so. If you want to help them not look like fools, be open to answering questions that come your way and don't allow the parental permission or lackthereof to be the roadblock. If they can't ask questions of someone who is knowledgeable because of a consent violation, they will look for answers elsewhere and they probably won't be the correct ones. So I believe you're only hurting yourself by keeping the consent rule.

Answer 6

Well, I agree with not teaching anyone under 18 without parents consent. I too have often thought about this and it does seem unfair that Christians will seek after children even if the parents are directly opposed. That just shows that us pagans are more ethical than Christians.

However in defense of Christianity they believe in one God and the great commission say to go and teach all nations and that means even they little children.

Pagans believe the religion is a choice and not a calling. It is just one path among many.

I would just let them know that unless their parents approve you cannot do much but still encourage them to read books and suggest books and websites.

Problem there is a lot of very good websites require the viewer to be 18. Simon Crafts Wicca 101 website is like that.

On the web when a teenager contacts me and asks me to teach them via email I just kindly tell them I can't because they are not 18 but to hang in there and when they turn 18 to contact me.

There are some Wiccans who do not feel we need to turn teenagers away. One lady here on Y/A has said as much in her answers. I understand her reasoning and do not judge her but for me I can't do it without parents permission.

BB

BB

Answer 7

Our Coven also has this rule for those under legal age.

However we also have a Social moot in a Public Place each month ( Coffee Shop) so that if there are any younger ones or newbies with questions they can in a safe environment ask someone with more experience. We can also make sure they are advised of their rights and what is acceptable and what is a load of ( u know ) & a predatory person is likely to do. Which can also not be just a teen issue.

Answer 8

General information shouldn't hurt. Like what you believe in. Don't go into depth, just say what you do or don't believe in. After that offer to hold a session that involves parents (also general information) and offer more in depth information with Parental consent or as a parent student study group so that they can see some of what you and your group are about. Maybe this will also help get out information that we Wicca aren't so bad after all!

Answer 9

About that parental consent sheet. As you can see here, some parents are very bigoted. I think that you should make a group for young adults that meets in a public/safe place to keep people from accusing you of hurting their kids (hey some people have sick minds and still think wiccans are satanic). Keep the topics more light, such as intro to herbs, principles of your faith, discussions issues relevant to the age group and how to deal.. Like a youth group in any other faith. Make sure that there is some sort of written down policy/group mission statement and that the kids see it. As a mother, I encourage my child to explore other faiths and I especially hope she gravitates towards one that teaches respect for our planet foremost and respect for diversity, and allows her to see the truth about our pre-christian ancestors whose beliefs are very moral, valid, and very much alive. My only concern would be that the counsellor/instructor/moderator has no criminal record, is respectful and age-appropriate, and my child's safety is first and foremost. Yes, you will get the occasional wacko fundamentalist mother humiliating her child and dragging her away, but most people are (hopefully) a little more enlightened. And besides, what you are offering is so important and so badly needed today! Good luck to you.

Answer 10

You're right. I guess the best you could do is require their parents/legal guardian to be there with them, and recommend wicca 101 books to them (except Silver Ravenwolf). Scott Cunningham was a good writer, and most of his books are geared to seekers. Also, Raymond Buckland's book "The Complete Book of Witchcraft" is really good. It's well-written and laid out like a workbook which I thought was really handy. Other than that, I guess you could refer them to witchvox.com. And remind them of your consent rule and explain the rule to them.

Sometimes, some kids will think you'll make an exception for them if you know them. My sister in law's 14 year old sister wanted me to teach her witchcraft, but I told her that she needed to be 18 before I would teach her, unless her mom said it was ok. She refused to ask her mom, so I did not teach her.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Glee, I'm right there with you on this one. As a HP I am often approached by teens and find myself in this exact situation. Unfortunately, their parents can bring action against you/your group for teaching them and/or allowing them to attend with out prior consent. Until they are of age (18 in most states, but 21 in a few- there's a really good article on Witch-Vox about this) the parents have the right to instruct them in the religion of their choice. It sucks for the ones who are serious and the ones who will be hurt by being turned away (i.e. embarrassing themselves, getting taken for a sucker etc) but you have to protect yourself from serious legal repercussions. I agree with the previous poster about guiding them to books by reputable authors and reliable websites like Witch-Vox, but other than that, I don't think there is anything else you can really do with out parental consent. Aren't you glad we live in such an open minded world?

BB!