When choosing attendants, my fiance and I chose our siblings. His sister had been a friend and roommate, but when we got engaged I had been abroad for 7 months. Upon returning to the US, I moved in with her again, and it has been a nightmare. Her mother has been trying to plan OUR wedding from the start, so it's been a battle trying to tell her her place. Then, the sister takes her mother's side and plays silent treatment games with me, then creates further drama by making up stories about me at the apartment to tell her mother... The living situation is utter hell - she will not speak to me and leaves nasty notes for my roommate and me. She is obnoxious and loud. She sleeps around so I emailed her when we were looking at dresses, and she still hasn't gotten back to me 2 months later. I want her out of the wedding. She has no class and is no friend of mine. My fiance agrees that she needs to go - however, his mother and sister are drama queens and I don't want to cause drama!
2007-11-05 12:40:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think the issue here is these two women want to control the wedding. Also the sister is older than my fiance, and single (hence the sleeping around) and I think she's jealous. She also does not fit in with me or the rest of the wedding party because she's so bossy and loose. She's a very unhappy person and I just can't deal with her problems now. I have enough people who love me and support me and are trying to HELP me to plan, not create trouble.
2007-11-05 12:42:16 · update #1
thanks!!!
2007-11-05 13:28:38 · update #2
1. Who cares if she's sleeping around, what does that have to do with this?
2. You should have not picked her if you didn't want her to begin with
3. You need to stand up to your FMIL and FSIL NOW before it gets too late
"Hey FSIL, look, this situation isn't working out for us. You're stressed and have a lot of things going on, I totally understand, which is why I think it'd be a wise decision to have you step out of the wedding party."
"Hey FMIL, thank you for all your wonderful opinions, I'm sure you had a blast planning your OWN wedding, but please remember, this is MINE."
Good luck
2007-11-05 12:55:33 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If at all possible, move out. Do not discuss the wedding plans with either your future mother in law or sister in law. You and future hubby need to get in gear and make the plans on your own, then present them to your families in their finished form.
I would send the mom a thank you note for all of her advice and suggestions thus far, and feel you are able to continue the plans on your own now. I would add that I hope she will make herself available if you have any questions in the future. She wants to be a part of this important event in her son's life so if there any minor things you feel comfortable with her seeing to I would let her. She will be his mom forever, and your future will be more pleasant if you can find her good side.
The sister is another matter. Your personal feelings about her choices and personality will not allow a friendship. . I would write her a note, also, letting her know that you really do not feel she is interested in being a bridesmaid and you are releasing her from this commitment.
There will be drama, no doubt, but stand firm and do not argue, just state simply that this is your day, and you want people surrounding you that support your vision and love.
Best of luck to you!
2007-11-05 16:47:27 · answer #2 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From someone who has been in your shoes before.... you have to take a step back from the excitement of getting an engagement ring and planning a wedding and face the reality that you are going to have to live with these people as relatives for the rest of your life. And guess what? Your mother-in-law is never going to side with you against her biological daughter and as a result every family gathering is going to be hell. You are not just marrying your fiance - you are marrying his entire family and if you cannot picture yourself as being a welcomed part of that family or enjoy being a part of that family well, then, you may want to opt out.
2007-11-05 15:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by TheBusyBaker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she hasn't gotten back to you about the dresses, I would just let everything go and don't make a point to get in touch with her about the wedding. When she does contact you say that all the other bridesmaids have already had their dresses taken care of and it is too late for her to participate. If she were really that interested, she would have taken the initiative to get her dress.
Anytime you lash out in response to their behavior -- you will be made out to be the bad person. So, smile at their suggestions then plan the wedding as you like. Grin and bear it so to speak but don't change any of the plans you originally made. If you give in to what they want, you will be miserable. If you don't, drama will ensue no matter what -- just handle it with class. Have your fiance deal with them as much as possible.
2007-11-05 13:15:32 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you and your fiance. If you both feel she doesn't need to be a bridesmaid then just tell her, we would still like you to be a part of the wedding ,but we don't think at a bridesmaid is that part. If she asks why just tell her I don't think you have put out any effort(you haven't gone to your dress fitting with the rest of us, etc). It will be very hard to point the finger at you after that. Just make for certain that it won't cause problems between you and your fiance.
2007-11-05 15:33:08 · answer #5 · answered by Queed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding, not any anybody elses. You do what you feel is best for your wedding. If more drama arises the sister and the mother will have to accept that you are now part of the family and that if they love their son/brother they will get past their petty problems. If not, you are still married to the person you love and that is the important part in the wedding process.
2007-11-05 12:46:37 · answer #6 · answered by drpepperbabe01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's clear that she doesn't care enough about her relationship with you to answer your e-mails, much less put your mail in the right place or even politely speak to you (which is too bad because you and your finace are both great people). She really doesn't deserve to stand up there and have any glory on *your* day. I guess what it comes down to is (1) how much do you care about having a relationship with her and/or the mother in law, and (2) are you worried about either of them being childish and trying to seek revenge somehow. I'm not sure if they are vicious enough people to try to do something to ruin your special day out of spite, but fear of that would be the only reason I would consider leaving her in. You're not obliged to them in any way (then again, if you don't know what size dress she is, it doesn't matter much, does it?) ;)
2007-11-05 13:56:14 · answer #7 · answered by swinelake98 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is YOU and YOUR hubbys day, no one Else's. Now other people have a point that these aren't just rude friends, they are going to be apart of your family for the rest of your life. You need to sit them down with your hubby and let them know that you both love them but they need to cooperate or you wont be able to have them be apart of the special day.
2007-11-05 14:25:28 · answer #8 · answered by sdimatti 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance no doubt has seen and felt the nightmare that is his sister. Make the decision together. Together you stand strong! Blessings, Chaplain Debby
2007-11-05 12:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send her a registered letter and say that you realize being in your wedding will be a burden and so you have chosen someone else. Tell her you understand she is very busy and hope that making time to attend the wedding will be possible and not too stressful for her.
2007-11-05 14:12:43 · answer #10 · answered by Nora 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋