Ive been with my boyfrind (who im living with) for a over a year& it seems we're always fighting over the dumbest things that just blow up. He works 3 (YES 3) jobs... 1 daytime.. 1 overnight(1 week on 1 week off) & 1 contracted that just calls but not often. I do get to see him at the overnight job sometimes but i feel that hes never here for me. Hes from africa so when i tell him i feel like hes ignoring me he says that he needs money 2 send back 2 his family n he has no family here so 2 needs backup money. He says i need to give him "space" n that im stressing him out A LOT but im just tryin 2 spend the time i have with him WITH HIM. He says i need to not always "wear the pants".i do have a bad temper n jealousy issue. I love him so much i want to show him i can be rspectful n not scream when im mad n be a good girlfriend.. im on a "2 week probation" to either fix my ways or hes leaving but he wont try n be nicer 2 me. I feel like its a game for him to just tell me what to do. HELP!
2007-11-05 12:33:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do have a job.. its comission so... we've talked things over n he's willing 2 work on himself too. we're leaving to go to africa this december to meet his parents for over a month im just hopin we can calm ourselves down n not fight cause we cant fight in africa. he said if we do that will be the end. PERIOD. it would emberass him n his family. im really trying to work our prob out now asap cause dwe cant do the yelling n screaming and fighting fits that we have here.
2007-11-07 06:59:11 · update #1
It sounds like your relationship has a lot of issues you need to resolve or else it is not going to last.
The best thing it sounds like you could do is apply for some jobs, if you're not working already. It sounds like the reason this guy probably came to America (or wherever you are, sorry for the assumption) was to make money to support his family in Africa. Which means his jobs are probably one of the most important things in his life to him right now, and he's stressing over that and feels that you wanting more attention from him is threatening that. If you could bring some money into the household, it would take a lot of that financial stress/responsibility off of him and he'd probably be easier to get along with.
It sounds like you have some issues you need to work on wether or not you stay with this guy. I'm sorry if I sound preachy, but things like yelling at your loved ones and being overly jealous can destroy any relationship, no matter how much love there is in it. From what you said about wanting to show him respect, I think that is not really the way you want to be anyway and you feel bad about it. I would recommend some therapy/counseling for that, but if money is an issue, that could be tough. Another thing I'd recommend is try to notice whenever you start to feel like yelling at someone and remember that you love/respect them, take a few deep breaths, and count to five or ten before you say anything to them in response. I know that sounds really lame, but it's surprising how much a little thing like that can help you keep a clear head and not overreact.
Why are you fighting over dumb stuff so often? Is it mainly because you feel like he's not caring about you the way you need and giving you enough attention or are these issues real problems? Maybe you should sit down alone and make a list of a few things that you feel are the most major problems in your relationship and resolve to let the rest slide. No relationship is perfect and no person is perfect and part of being in love with someone is learning to accept their imperfections along with the parts of them you like.
Genuinely work on these things and tell him that you love him enough to work on yourself and better yourself so that you don't stress him out so much, but that it is going to take a little time. Also tell him that you feel like you guys have grown apart and you really miss spending time with him and think of something specific and reasonable you could ask him to do. Maybe like one date night every other week, where you both just relax and enjoy each other's company and try not to stress out about anything else going on in your lives, when he's not working his overnight job. Or maybe something as simple as a 15 minute coffee break when you come to see him at work. I don't know the specifics of what you guys' situation is, so I can't say what would be easiest to do, but try to come up with something that doesn't take his attention away from his work when he's supposed to be working and that's easily doable for him.
Again, sorry if I sound preachy or anything. I'm just talking from my own difficult experiences I've had with guys before and while I was in therapy working on similar issues. I hope this helps you some.
2007-11-05 13:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by iirustroseii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-03 10:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you living with him? If he is working 3 jobs to provide for his family, are you sharing his goal. Do you work extra to help make it easier for him?
It is difficult for him to come to a new country and try to support his family back home. If you want to be with him, you need to clarify what it is you want.
If you can't talk to him, there is a problem.
Good Luck.
2007-11-05 12:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by ruby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm...
Your screen name is "princess." Your guy is working his butt off to send money back home. You scream at him. And you're wondering why he's not kissing your @ss since he told you to shape up?
I'd start looking for a new place to live, if I were you.
2007-11-05 12:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probation...i like that. Do you work at all or are u one of those people who spends his money and then complains about how much he works.
2007-11-06 03:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by mcbizkit02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now! If he is putting you on probation, or he'll leave, point to the door, and tell him "don't let it hit you, where the good Lord split you."
2007-11-05 12:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by Beau R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋