Can someone, ANYONE please explain to me how it is that a husband can watch his wife work her tail off and sit around and watch tv? How is it that he cannot get up and ask if she needs help? How is it that the folding chairs used for entertaining over the weekend sit by the basement door and cannot be taken downstairs by the husband, but the wife must lug them downstairs?
Don't get me wrong. I do not at all believe that I am a weak, helpless, little woman. But how a guy can watch his wife exhaust herself and then have the nerve to say, "Is everything ok?"
I am tired of having to point things out. "Can you please help me with this? Can I please get some help with that?" Saturday we entertained two other couples and I did the bulk of the work while my husband snoozed on the couch. And then I did the bulk of cleaning up?
Why do I have to continually point this out? Why can't you men see and observe with your very own eyes?
I am speechless.
2007-11-05 11:08:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
By the way, I thank him a lot for things he does. That is not self-righteous. You can ask him yourself.
2007-11-05 11:18:38 · update #1
The help is usually not appreciated.
However, your case seems to be the exception.
Also, do you ever ask for help? If you're not asking, he may not think you need any help. Usually, if people don't ask me for help, I assume they don't want or need any. My penis doesn't enable me to read people's minds, ya know.
2007-11-05 11:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by I'm Still Here 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yep... I understand... I have one at home just like that. Here I work 3 jobs, come home do the house chores, and he just sits there at the computer or the tv. I mean, last night, he came to me for me to serve him up a slice of Banana Cream Pie... which was already sliced up in the fridge... ALL he'd have to do is grab a plate, fork, and slip a slice out... but NOOOOOOOOO!!! HE couldn't DO THAT!! That's not the first time for an incident like that. In 8 years of being together he's done the laundry only once, and then complained (I was in bed sick as a dog) that he didn't know how to run the washer, and I had to get out of bed to turn it on for him!
What I have is a selfish man. I am hoping that what YOU have is a man who is simply unaware (or lost that awareness) that he needs to be part of that "partnership" too... with the chores as well as other things. IF you have a "forgetful" partner, you have HOPE!! Do the ol' "Wife Swap" type deal... NEW RULES for a week around the house. HE does all the chores, you do the tv thing. If that doesn't work, some counseling might be in order.
If you have what I have, well... he will get "his" sooner or later, because there's no changing his selfishness.
Oh... and btw... the "Helpful Housemate" type actually DOES exist!! So, please... no male-bashing here either. I know the GREAT GUYS are out there.
Have a polite day.
2007-11-05 20:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by wyomugs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dare say you are being a little too sensitive about this issue. Most guys/men work on the premmise that if someone requires help with something, they will ask for it. If not, the TV is a perfectly fine place to sit while others clean.
I have a rather demanding job and exercise a fair amount so when I am at home on the couch, I am relaxing, plain and simple. If my wife wan't a hand with something, she only needs to ask. When it is my day to to dinner/lunches/washing/dishes, it is always done without question.
2007-11-05 19:51:41 · answer #3 · answered by Judo Chop 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men add 2 + 2 and get 3. You have to connect the dots for them. One, they may assume you do not need help because you have not asked for it ( I assume he asks you for help) and two, he may think in the amount of time it takes you to tell him how to do it you could have already done it yourself. My husband sits at the computer all the time also. If I am cleaning or whatever he wont get up. If I ask him to do a specific chore he will do it. He cleaned the whole kitchen (except the floor) all because I asked him to. After he did it I told him he did an excellent job and I told him I appreciated his help. I got a hug and kiss.
2007-11-05 22:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by travelguruette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must learn to deal with the differences between men and women and pick your battles. I have learned that men can step over just about anything in their way and not give it a second thought. I don't fight it. You can't nag them into seeing things they just don't consider in their line of sight or that something should be done with it even if it is. It isn't important to them. Women are multi-taskers. Men are driven by some inward sense of themselves. I have been married forever and I have let this pass. It just isn't part of their general make-up. Even when I ask if my husband can take care of something, my thought is within the next few minutes, his is sometime in his lifetime. What are you going to do? Stop stressing and take charge of what you can without beating him up about it. It really works out better in the long run.
2007-11-05 20:30:38 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know how my fiance encourages me to help out around the house with the chores?
She thanks me for the little things that I do.
Of course, this is beside the fact that I do most of it anyway because she is in graduate school and works part-time while I work full-time.
Either he doesn't appreciate the work that you do or you don't let him know that his help is appreciated.
Stop doing everything for him, and he'll learn to do it himself. That, or he just doesn't care about the work that you do because he doesn't believe it needs to be done at all, which is a definite possibility. I don't mind cleaning, I just don't appreciate my fiance's cleaning as much as she wants because I have a different perception of what's clean and what's not.
2007-11-05 19:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, men really don't see the mess around them. Man eyes only see a mess when it is about knee deep. With a man, you have to be specific. Ask him to do specific jobs, instead of just "help out". Sometimes he just doesn't know what needs done, or how you would want them done. I'm sure he will be willing to do his share if you'll be more upfront about what you want.
2007-11-05 22:49:08 · answer #7 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's lazy. He should pitch in and help you. You don't need to apologize because you would like your husband to pitch in and help with the chores. As long as you continue to show a willingness to do it all yourself, he isn't going to lift a finger. As I see it, you can leave the mess until the cow's come home, or tell him that you need some help and be assertive (as opposed to wimpy) and stand your ground if he balks. Marriage is a partnership.
2007-11-05 20:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough one. I know that in my family my mom sort of expects my dad to read her mind about what she wants done and then gets frustrated when he doesn't do it. But other times perhaps he's oblivious that stuff is going on. At any rate, maybe this is a good topic for you to bring up with your husband. Maybe a marriage counselor can help you get this discussion going.
2007-11-05 21:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I for one pamper my wife, I do the grocery shopping, cook all the meals, mop and sweep and sometimes I vacuum if she is too tired. I am continually wiping off the counters putting dishes away etc. I open doors for her including the car door. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I love her, I appreciate my wife and she appreciates me. We are both in our 60's.
As for your lazy husband, stop doing all that you do, when he starts tripping over things then maybe he will do something. Your doing too much for him and he takes it for granted.
2007-11-05 19:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by deejayspop 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband does the same thing and has for 18 years. I gave up saying anything about it. Not worth it.
2007-11-05 19:14:51 · answer #11 · answered by Delta D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋