How do I deal with a 13-year-old who has recently decided he doesn't believe in God?

Question

We have raised both of our children as Christians. We have told them it's ok to not be perfect, but we always believed in God. I'm crushed. How can I prove to him he's wrong?

Answer 1

I can only imagine how sad this makes you. However, I actually agree with the majority here - and I'm a believer. This is your opportunity to put your faith to practice (and YES, your child WILL take notice!). You HAVE to believe (for real) what you say you believe: Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it." You have done your job in raising your child. He knows this. He may very well be testing you to see just how much you actually believe. Show him. You be Jesus for him. Love him UNCONDITIONALLY, even when he tells you he doesn't believe in God. I really believe that the way you handle things from here on will play a huge role in whether or not he will, in fact, return to the faith when he is older. I really believe that if you continue "pushing" God on him, then he will probably turn from God forever. (After all, who would want something that is being pushed down their throat? I wouldn't and I'm sure you wouldn't either.) Love him regardless, but give him over to God. Your child is, after all, really God's to begin with. He has just been "on loan" to you. Trust God enough to take care of him. And also (obviously) - never stop praying for him. God Bless.

Answer 2

There's an old saying, "God has no grandchildren," and it's absolutely correct. No matter what the parent believes, he cannot guarantee that his children will share it.

If you want to ruin your relationship with him, go ahead with the "I'm crushed" and trying to prove him wrong.

Has he said why he doesn't believe in God? Did he actually believe, ever, or was he just parroting what he was taught? Can he articulate what he does believe? If he can't, it may just mean that he doesn't know what that is yet, but that Christianity (or maybe just the kind in which you have raised him) isn't it.

While some people start rebelling against their parents' beliefs just for the sake of rebellion, as part of the process of individuation, others make different choices after a sincere search for personal meaning. Some 13-year-olds are mature enough to be well on their way in that search.

If there is a Unitarian Universalist congregation in your area, you might consider visiting there with your son. There are Christians, Jews, atheists, agnostics, Buddhists--all manner of people in the UU family. The religious education program (RE) for youth focuses on learning about different paths as well as developing one's own character and making good choices in life. Most congregations are very involved in social justice and community service work. If there's more than one congregation reasonably near you, try to visit all of them a few times, as we tend to be very diverse, and one may be totally different than the next.

Never, ever assume that your son's rejection of your beliefs is a rejection of you, or "just" a rebellion. Faith is deeply personal, and his relationship with it has to be his own.

Answer 3

My husband was same way with your son when he was a kid.
When people tried to make him understand that there is God, he hated the people and there was nothing anybody can do.

I think, you should understand how his feel about it and just let him be.
You can still make him wonderful person without believe in God, cus my husband is.
Just don't make such a big deal about it right front of him. He will try to go against you more.
LET HIM BE and try to understand why he think so.
He will be your son always no matter what.

You can talk to him why you think there is God and how much wonderful it is to believe something you really can't see with your eyes, but you don't need to prove him that he is wrong at all. This is not about who is right and who is wrong.
I think this is about how much you can understand each other as a family.
Because if you try to prove that he is wrong, that could cause family probrem.

Nobody can be perfect for you.. you already know that right???

Answer 4

You cannot prove that he is wrong but you might be able to set a challenge to him.

Allow your sun to explore the world of atheism. Provide materials that he might be able to read and study. At the same time, tell your son that you will also provide materials based upon the religion you follow and why.

When I walked away from religion my mother was crushed as well. But she grew to accept the decision because I provided an educated and well-thought reason.

If all your son is saying is that he doesn't believe, I am rather suspect with his decision. At 13 years old he still has not developed a complete critical and critiquing mindset. This won't come to full fruition for another 6-10 years. In the meantime because this sounds extremely important to you, challenge your son to uphold his belief. Also instruct him that he cannot deny the truth if it so stares him in the face. Neither can you. Take care.

Answer 5

I don't think you can prove to him that he's wrong. The best (or rather, worst) you can do is pressure him to say that he believes when he really doesn't. I'm sure the atheists here will tell you that parental pressure only changes how a child feels about his/ her parents, not how the child feels about the existence of God. If I were a believer (which I'm not) I would let my kid do his own searching and hope that he came back to belief on his own. Force does nothing. Repetitive argument about the existence of God only drives non-believers farther away from faith. If you don't believe that, keep bothering your kid about his beliefs. There's a good chance he'll do what I did -- nod his head at you until he's 18, then embrace atheism.

If I were in your place, I'd pat him on the head and tell him that I'm glad to see that he's thinking for himself.

Answer 6

When I was thirteen, I finally gave in to the doubts that had plagued me for six years regarding Christianity. I didn't tell anyone in my family until a couple years later, but that's when I became an atheist.

My mom handled it remarkably well. She was crushed, but she told me that if I had any questions, she would try to help me find answers.

If I had taken her up on it, it probably would have saved me a lot of time.

Anyway, my advice to you from the other side of the fence is to LISTEN to your son. Tell him that he can ask you anything, and you'll try to help him. Keep an open door policy with him. He's going to be an adult in five years (though he might not actually become one until he's thirty; my husband is twenty-nine and is STILL a kid, lol), and he should be treated as such. Respect him, and his opinion. Don't bring it up unless he does. Don't force the issue. Don't force him to go to church more than once a week (Sunday morning, for example; he's old enough to stay home alone the rest of the time). DO pray for him.

It took me thirteen years after becoming an atheist (after being a skeptic for several years) before I became a Christian. My mom just had to be patient.

So do you. It's a tough situation, but I'm grateful for the years I spent in doubt. Skeptics often make the strongest Christians later. Stay strong. Keep praying.

If you need anything, feel free to email me through here, or at [e-mail].

Answer 7

You can't prove him that he's wrong the only thing you can do is to pray for him and be be a good role model for him, live you christianity out. Children learn though what they see.

God will speak to Him one way or the other! This is the time where you must put your faith in the Lord and pray continually for him.

God has spoken to me many times before i've acknowledge Him.

One thing that you must do and i believe in it it's that you with your family must have a session in the evenings or whenever it suits you that you must study the Word and pray together. He wont partake in it, but i'm sure he will listen, it will have some impact on him. Just plant the seeds and trust on the Lord - don't force him, you will do more harm than good!

You can actually be luckily that he told you that i with hold that info for my parents. Give him time.

I sincerly hope that your son will want to know God and to have a spiritual relationship with Him!

Answer 8

Well you just contradicted yourself. So it's ok not to be perfect, but he's automatically wrong. That's peachy. If he doesn't believe, then that's his choice. You can't force him to do a religion that he doesn't want to. How about he just decides for his self. It's so amazing how some people like you think you're automatically right just because you feel that way, and everyone else is wrong.You just want control over something that you can't have. That's selfish. I'm not saying you're a bad person, but you need to think your statement over. "How can I prove to him he's wrong?" That is awful. What makes him wrong? If he's not out doing drugs or breaking the law, I see no wrong. You need to check your priorities.

Answer 9

i'm no longer a scientist, nor have I researched the available suggestions in sufficient element to assert one way or the different. i understand that there is different info to assist an Earth older than 6000-ten thousand years. despite the fact that if the measurements used are off base, i in my opinion do no longer think of they are in a position to be off via billions of years. additionally, the negation of a thought, as an occasion, Darwinian evolution, does not right now make an opposing thought nicely suited. The greater archives it relatively is accumulated, the smaller our margin of errors will become, so we could desire to maintain looking and examining. The greater we come across suitable to the actual worldwide we live in, the greater i'm in my opinion surprised via the complicated stunning thing approximately God's creation, on each occasion, it does not remember plenty to me. He gets the understand the two way!

Answer 10

You can't. A belief is a belief, and you can't force a belief to change. Can you believe in unicorns now that you know for a fact they're myth? No. Same rules apply to God and religion-- your son believes that He does not exist, and he can't force himself to change and believe otherwise.

Not only that, but it would be wrong to treat him any differently and try to "prove him wrong"...especially since you have no more proof that God does exist than your son has that God doesn't exist. Neither side has more proof than the other, that's why it's called "faith". Anything you do will make him believe less and less, and if you try to force your beliefs onto him he might end up hating you later on.

He's your son and he's old enough to say that he doesn't believe in God and live by that choice. You can't change it. Love him for who he is and be happy that he is a good person and that he loves you back, don't try to change him to fit your ideas of the world.

My family loves me and I left the Catholic religion. Parents need to love their kids for who they are-- not force them to conform to their parents' beliefs.