i caught my man emailing another woman sexual things... he claims it was nothing.. he never physically cheated on me an he says he is very sorry. i know he loves me an he is not talking to her anymore, but i cant seem to get it out of my head. somedays i dont think about it all but other days it jus makes me sick. i dont wanna lose him an i am giving him another chance cuz i love him alot. i jus need some advice on how to get it out of my head so i can go on...i do trust him theres jus that lil part of me thats scared he will do it again....
2007-11-05 10:14:25 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
im 39 an he's 28. we have been together for (dec will be ) 2years. we have talked about it an he has many times said he made a huge mistake an is truly sorry....an he wnats to spend the rest of his life with me
2007-11-05 10:52:17 · update #1
Wow! Rereading the responses this morning is crazy. So much name calling and polorizing. These people act as if they are above being human.
Talk about strict and very conditional love or else... I wonder if these are the very same people that talk about "unconditional love" when it comes to them?
What a double standard.
Sometimes, as with people, feelings and love, things are not always so straight forward, not so black and white. People are living, breathing beings.
True love between two people is not perfect. As a matter of fact, it is far from it. So, this is why it is the process of how the two loving people work through their problems and issues which is what is important.
I had a girlfriend that caught me doing the very same thing.
She cured me of it right fast.
In the middle of the night, while I was sleeping, she would snuggle up to me. The skin to skin thing. Then the little kisses. It would build from there... She showed me how desirable I was to her, and how she loved me... until I was deeply in love with her, you know what I mean?
We have been very happy ever since...
not even a thought...
or desire to do it again...
I know and feel very desireable and loved...this is 8 years later now.
Good luck.
2007-11-05 10:21:44 · answer #1 · answered by Wrong Answer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there is no "cure" if you will, for forgetting events such as this.
Men, individually are different, you may think he's not doing anything any more, but deep down, you truly don't know if he is, or if he isn't.
That's the down fall of relationships, you must rely on you're partner to be faithful, and honest with you throughout the time you are together.
Maybe he's stopped these actions, maybe he hasn't, from a mature standpoint, it's good to keep an open mind, but.. don't keep you're mind too open.
If you're wanting to move on and passed this problem, I suggest activities together, such as possibly camping, going out for dinners or even watching movies together and doing a bit of snuggling.
You can take your mind off of it, but you can't forget it, unfortunately it will stick around for a while until that little part of you that feels insecure isn't so insecure anymore, or it's occupied by something else.
As I said, though.. I would recommend spending a lot of time together, be it on trips or camping or picnics or nightly movies, just be close.
I hope all works out for you, and I hope you find happiness within this relationship, or the next.
2007-11-05 18:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that online cheating is still cheating...but..If you chose to give him another chance then there is nothing else you can do but to move on from what happened. Reality is that there are no magic words or things you can do to erase what happened form your mind, which is why most people will walk away from the relationship because it will tend to come up in every argument or cause you unneeded stress. But if you are committed to working the relationship out you really need to tell yourself that you forgave him for a reason and let it go.
2007-11-05 18:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question to answer... I won't describe why... but suffice it to say i know it all too well.
Sometimes only time can make things better. Time for him to show he can do better. Time for you to learn to trust him again. You obviously aren't letting this end your relationship, don't let it ruin it in another way. Just remember why you are with him. Remind yourself on a daily basis the good things about him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you are having a hard time forgetting, and you wanna keep going, but he's gotta help. Tell him that maybe sometimes you just need him to look at you in that way of his (you know the one... all men do it... that look of utter and complete love) and say how much he loves you and how grateful he is for you.
You can't make him pay for it for the rest of his life. There's got to be a point where he doesn't have to make up for it anymore.... where he is forgiven. Find that point, and move on. The quicker that point comes, the better you will feel.
2007-11-05 18:26:52 · answer #4 · answered by hanginonyoureveryword 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
although he didn't physically cheat on you he did mentally and emotionally cheat on you. That doesn't mean you have to get rid of him and I think it is great that you still have a little bit of trust in him. It will take some time for you to get over your hurt but as long as both you and your boyfriend are willing to make things work between you two then things should turn out fine. Forgive but don't forget and if it happens again, lose him!
2007-11-05 18:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by morbidlybeautiful 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes a long time but it can be done. When ever it comes up buy and Ice Cream cone or treat your self in some other way. It doesnt have to be expensive but you need to associate that experience with something pleasant. I hope you are doing the right thing. Good Luck , Grampa B
2007-11-05 18:21:15 · answer #6 · answered by Grampa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Admit it after that happen you will unlikely to trust him again. Why else would you worry he would do it again if you really trust him. You have two choice, either leave him or give him another chance. there's nothing you can do about continuing mistrust of him. He'll just have to prove it to you that he will never do it again. Trust is an essential part of a relationship. Without that why bother having one?
2007-11-05 18:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not give your age but I can tell you my experience in that my wife left me and I lost my 8 yr marriage partially due to me viewing internet porn. IT is VERY serious and NOT harmless behaviour. What he is doing is a lesser version.
It is a cancerous addiction that is destroying literally 1000's of relationships because BOTH men and women are doing it.
From MY experience, IF he thinks that it is "no big deal", you are in for a ton of trouble.
It shows that he does not respect you enough to maintain his integrity when you are not around.
Unfortunately, too many people today do not understand the true meaning of honour and integrity.
I learned my lesson the hard way.
Good luck and God Bless you my dear !
2007-11-05 18:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You did not say how long you two have been dating. If not very long (less than three months) I think the establishment of trust is still developing. If you have been dating longer than a year, unfortunately this man has developed an interest outside the bonds of YOU. You no longer interest him.
2007-11-05 18:21:36 · answer #9 · answered by velocityfirst 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your gut, give him a chance if you think he is worth it. My experience is it will never change. Pray for his peace and you will find yours.
He will have to earn your trust back. Make him understand that. If you are scared then he does not have all your trust. You have been hurt and need time and proof to heal.
Hope it owrks out, if not it was not meant to be and the right one will come along if you keep doing the right thing!
2007-11-05 18:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by itssandyonthebeach 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋